#spockangst?

“What the hell?” You tried to mumble but found your mouth dry and blocked, by a piece of fabric of some sort, tied as a gag around your mouth.  

Slowly and painfully you sat up, pain lancing through your skull, joints aching from your restrained position.  You were able to slide your hands under your feet and bring your arms around to your front, quickly ridding yourself of the gag and the blindfold that you found over your eyes.  

The room wasn’t much brighter than the blindfold, and as you glanced around, you saw nothing but a dark room of black marble stone, nothing but a door off to one side to let a little light in.  

Where the hell were you? You shivered as panic started to set into you. 

What the hell happened?

"Captain, I see your logic in the dangers of this plan, but I have calculated it..."

"Spock, damnit, I have told you a million times you are not going down there."

"You have only told me six times, and this is the only way to rescue Lieutenant Y/L/N..."

"Really?  Do you really think you can convince me you are being totally subjective about this just because you won't even call her, one of your closest friends, by her first name?"

"I am being subjective, do you not think if it were any other crewman down there I would not try to save them as well?"

"No, because for as long as I have know you, you have never gone with a plan that has less than 40% chance of success, because, as you say, 'logic dictates'..."

"Jim, taunting me at such time is a very bad idea."

"Yeah?  Whatcha gonna do?  Hit me?"

"Possibly..."

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!" Bones stormed onto the bridge to see the two, Jim and Spock, near inches from the other, anger and fury in both their gazes. 

"Will you two stop trying to kill each other for a second and consider how idiotic you two are being?" Bones flicked his gaze between the two men, his hands waving in furious movements, "Jim," He turned to Jim, "I am surprised at you not even considering a plan that would save a crewman's life.  And, Spock." He turned to Spock, "I am very surprised that you have not recognized your own emotional investment in this situation and deemed yourself unfit for this mission."

They both blinked at Bones, both processing their own accusations, and they both seemed to relax their shoulders. 

Incoming transmission.  Incoming transmission. 

"Captain, it's from Hexon-V." Uhura's voice came from her station. 

"Open communication channels, and display video." Jim ordered. 

A sharp hiss escaped Spock as what was displayed was not just the face of Hexon-V's leader, but of you, blindfolded, gagged, and in his firm grip that he held around your jaw.  

"Captain Kirk.  Commander Spock.  Dr. McCoy.  Glad to have all of your attention.  I am called Hex, the leader of my planet, on which this little thing has trespassed." His voice was a hiss, a lull, a washing sound and Spock stepped forward instinctively. 

"Release her." His words were short, clipped, not a request, a demand. 

"Ah, ah, ah, Mr. Spock, so much emotion, I am astounded.  Is she your little pet?  Your little thing?  So pretty." He squeezed your jaw tighter with his words and a little whimpered "Spock" left  your lips. 

"Release her."  Again a demand, but his voice almost broke, almost cracked.

"Oh, that, Mr. Spock, is up to you.  See, I want to keep her around for a little while because I want something from her.  I want to play a game."

"This isn't a game, Hex." This time it was Jim to speak, to step up.  

"But, you see, to me it is." Hex reached behind your head and tugged the blindfold off, and you were finally able to see again, "Take a look here, pretty one, because this is the last you're ever going to see of your precious Vulcan lover-boy, if he doesn't comply to my game." 

Spock's gaze roamed your bruised, bloodied and terrified face and he actually felt a pang of fear flash through him, "What are your conditions?"

Hex's face stretched in a gruesome smile, "I want you, Spock, down here in one hour or your pretty little plaything will die." He gave a squish to your cheeks roughly, "Got it?  Good."

The last thing Spock saw before the channel shut off was your eyes. 

You were afraid that the last thing you would see of Spock would be that desperate, terrible look on his face, his eyes searching yours as if you had all the answers.  But you didn't.  You had nothing.  

Hex still had you by a death grip around your jaw and he turned your head so you were forced to look at him.  

"Let's hope Mr. Spock is smart enough to play by my rules, or his name will be the last thing on your lips before we tear you limb-from-limb." Hex's words sent droplets of spit flying into your face and you would have given anything to reach up and wipe them off. 

"Let's get her prepped."

You gulped as best you could with the gag in your mouth.

“You are an absolute menace, the most disgusting being I have ever met, do you not think Spock is smarter than you?  Because he is, quite a bit so actually, and he will smush you, like a bug.  Because that’s what you are.  A bug.” The gag had left your lips only seconds before you started spewing insults at Hex, who had a tight grip on your arm, your hands still tied behind your back. 

He didn’t respond to your taunts so you continued, “You do realize that Spock isn’t going to come down here alone, right?  He’s going to come down here with an army of angry Starfleet officers and kill you all.”

Hex’s next words were whispered into your ear, his rank breath brushing over your skin, “And when he does, I will kill you instantly.  Is that what you want?  Is that what you’re prepared for, little one?”

He moved beside you, resting a hand on your neck, and dismissing the rest of his guard.  He undid the blindfold over your eyes and the light in the room was blinding.  Hex had moved you to a massive room, the ceiling tall and towering, light streaming in through windows at the top of the stone arches that lined the walls.  

Then, out of the corner your eye you saw something in his hand and you froze. Between his fingers he spun a long silver needle with an orange liquid loaded into it.  

Panic consumed you, grasped you tightly, left you breathless. 

It was cut short by a familiar whooshing sound, followed by the sparkly gold lights of a transporter beam.  

"Looks like your knight on a white horse is coming for you, love." 

Spock appeared seconds later, and you nearly fell forward as you called out for him, but Hex's grip was tight on your neck. 

"Welcome, Mr. Spock.  Glad you could join us.  Now let's see who's going to emerge from this little game alive." Hex laughed. 

As soon his words ended a sharp pain shot into your neck as he pressed the needle in.  You squeezed your eyes shut and cried out, Spock stepping forward as the liquid was injected. 

It was mere seconds before pain enveloped your entire body and the world went black. 

Spock watched as the needle pierced your skin and the orange liquid disappeared.  You lurched forward and screamed before Hex withdrew the needle and released you.  You blinked hard, still bent over for a few seconds before you stood up straight and stood at Hex’s side. 

"What did you do to her?" Spock questioned. 

Something was wrong with your eyes.  Spock found that your eyes held a great deal of emotion, and there always seemed have a happy lilt to them.  But right now they were blank, dead, empty as you stared straight ahead.  

Hex undid your shackles and you didn't run to Spock, didn't turn around and knock Hex flat, like Spock knew you could, you just stood there, staring straight ahead.  

"What. Did. You. Do. To. Her." Spock demanded. 

Hex smiled that evil smile again and stepped around your eerily un-moving form towards Spock, hands clasped behind his back, "Like I said, I wanted to play a little game.  And like I said, if you came down her, she would live. Because what I just gave her, was a little serum I developed myself.  It makes the person bend to my commands, without question." 

Hex turned his back to Spock, "So I can say, Y/N, touch your nose."

You did. 

"Hop up and down." 

You did. 

"Isn't this great?" Hex laughed, "You see, Spock, what I am going to ask her to do next is going to be the start of our little game.  And whoever makes it out of our little game will get to go home, safe and sound, scout's honour."

Spock stepped forward warily, every muscle tensed with caution, "What are you going to ask her to do?"

"I am going to ask her to kill you." 

His words seemed to resound through out the large room. 

Hex continued, "So you will have no choice to fight to the death.  She kills you or you kill her.  Easy as pie."

Spock's eyes darkened, "Why are you doing this?" His voice was quiet. 

"Because I want to see you dead, Spock." Hex was suddenly serious. 

"Then why not just kill me?  Why the game?"

Hex let out a loud laugh and clapped his hands together, and it almost made Spock started with how on edge he was, "Because it's more fun.  Now, this is boring me.  Let's begin."

Spock was about to let out a "no", but Hex continued, pulling out a large silver broadsword from his holster. 

"Y/N.  Kill him.  Kill Spock."

Spock watched in horror as you turned your empty gaze onto him, taking the broadsword from Hex without looking at him and weighing it in your hand. 

"Begin." The one word from Hex's lips and you lunged forward, towards Spock, without hesitation. 

Spock reeled back in surprise at the sudden attack and turned to follow Hex, but he was quickly retreating out the door, which slid shut with a loud thunk behind him. 

Spock didn't have much time to contemplate the situation before you were on him again, swinging the sword with a strength and purpose that he had never seen in you before.  

"Y/N." He gasped as he dodged your next swing, and barely had time to say, "stop", before you were swinging again. 

And again and again and again, and if Spock weren't Vulcan you would have probably taken him down by now, but he was able to evade the blade save for catching the broad side on his forearms a couple times, knocking it away. 

"Y/N." He hissed as you nicked his elbow with the blade.  

Your dead eyes seemed un-seeing as you attacked, and your face was frozen in a serious frown.

Finally, Spock was able to get behind you and he laced one arm across your chest and the other grabbed your wrist, hard, so you called out and dropped the sword to the floor with a clatter. 

Spock took your elbow to his gut, hard enough to make him lean back and you stomped on his foot before spinning away from his grasp.  

"Y/N, stop.  You are under influence of his drug.  Stop." Spock tried, but you lunged for him again.  

His forearms blocked your swinging kicks, but Spock was surprised by your fist connecting with his jaw.  As he reeled backwards, he watched you scramble for the sword again, his stomach dropping as you wielded it again.  

Spock's mind was running at a mile a minute, trying to think of solutions, of antidotes, of a way to at least incapacitate you without killing you, long enough to get you back aboard the Enterprise.  But he couldn't get close enough to Vulcan pinch you, and couldn't get a good swing in.  

He barely had time to pull out of the way when a sharp pain rippled down his forearm as he returned his focus to you, who had swung the sword with a great amount of force. 

Spock stepped backwards with each subsequent swing, until his back hit the stone wall.  At that moment he decided what he was going to have to do. Using his Vulcan speed and strength, he caught your upper arms as you swung again and threw his body weight forward, spinning you around so you were now against the wall, and he was pressing you into it.  

Spock struggled to hold you there, as you resisted hard, and the sword was still poised between your bodies.  You tried to raise it to get at his neck, and Spock was able to deflect it so it dug into the skin of his shoulder instead.  

"Y/N." He gritted his teeth as he pressed his whole body into yours.  

The sword dug deeper as you resisted more, and Spock saw you up close, the sweat glistening off your forehead, your blank eyes, your angry frown.  It wasn't you.  It wasn't right.  And that feeling of wrongness spurred him on to press you harder into the wall.  This pressed the sword more into the muscle of his shoulder, but he couldn't focus on that now. 

"Y/N." He reached for the skin of your face, trying to keep you pinned with his body, "Stop." He breathed. 

Finally his fingers brushed your cheek and he was able to connect with you. The instant he felt the connection he pushed a memory into you, a feeling. 

"Commander Spock, you cannot just come in here and start demanding things like you own the place, I will not stand for it."

"You do not need to stand for anything, lieutenant, for I have superiority in this situation and don not need your permission."

"Insufferable." Spock heard you mumble as you stalked away. 

That was the first time you met.

Spock broke from the memory as you tried to kick at his ankles, but he knew what he was doing now, and he pressed tighter.  He sent you another memory. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never been surfing, Spock.  Well, actually I can believe it, but still.” 

Spock watched as you extended your hand to him, and he hesitated. 

“C’mon, let’s catch some waves.  I promise it’s fun!” 

You wiggled your fingers at Spock, and something to do with that, the sparkle in your eyes and that coaxing smile on your lips, made Spock reach forward and take your hand. 

That’s the first time you kissed, and you didn’t even know it. 

The pain grew in Spock's shoulder, but the pressure decreased as you seemed to falter, your eyes blinking a few times, but you remained under the influence of the serum. 

"Y/N, please." Spock begged and forced another memory into your brain. 

“Can’t we just stay here forever?”

Spock peered down at your head, where it was leaned against his chest. 

“If we do, we will be either eaten by coyotes, or develop 3rd degree sunburns on our exposed skin and become so dehydrated that we die.”

“You’re no fun.” You teased and smacked Spock’s stomach lightly. 

Spock dared at that moment to stroke his fingers down your back gently, and you responded by nuzzling deeper into his chest.  He wondered if there was any possible way you had feelings of affection for him, because he sure had feelings of affection for you. 

That was the happiest that Spock's ever been.

The sword hit the ground with a clatter.  Spock could feel your muscles clenching and then unclenching as if you were trying to decide whether to attack or not, and he watched as your eyes focused and unfocused.  

"Y/N.  Ashau nash-veh du." Spock breathed, grabbing your hands and snapping them up beside your head, pinning you there, “Y/N, stop, please.”

He pressed his open palms into yours tightly, taking the feelings that these memories elicited in him and forcing them into you.  Happiness, affection, love, anger as he fought with you, fear at the thought of losing you.  Everything.  

And with a sudden jerk and gritted teeth your head hit the wall behind you, your eyes squeezing shut.  Finally you stopped fighting against Spock, your breathing heavy and laboured.  Eventually, you opened your eyes and met Spock’s gaze, and your expression was no longer blank or empty, it was you again.  

“Spock.” The word escaped your mouth and you sighed in relief. 

Spock kept you pressed into the wall for a few moments more before he tilted forward and pressed his forehead to yours, “We must get back to the Enterprise.”

You met his eyes, which were only inches from your own, and nodded as you entwined your fingers in his. 

Dr. McCoy had let you into Spock’s room to wait for him while he was treated and gave an official report.  You contemplated lying down and trying to get some rest while you waited for him, but decided against it.  So you stayed perched on the edge of Spock’s bed, trying to recall exactly what had happened, and not remembering a second of it.  

The last thing you remembered as the look on Spock’s face when the video link was cut off.  How Spock rescued you, or why he was in the medbay for so long was lost to you, though you tried with all of your might to remember.  

Your answers would soon come to you, as when Spock walked through the door of his quarters and stopped just inside the room, his eyes on you curiously, everything came back.  

You stood and cautiously made your way over to Spock, and noticed a bandage over his shoulder and his elbow, as well as a fading bruise on his jaw. His regular uniform blues had been traded for a soft grey t-shirt. 

“I did this to you.” You reached your fingertips up to touch his injured arm, but decided against it, moving to touch the bruise on his jaw instead. 

“You were under the influence of the serum, it is not your fault.” Spock’s voice was cool, calculated, but his gaze was full of some emotion you couldn’t place. 

“I hurt you, Spock, I remember hurting you.” 

“It is not your fault.” He used to fingers to move your hand away from his face softly.

You searched his face, looking for any sort of anger, or hatred, but finding none, only that same look that you couldn’t place. 

“I’m sorry.” He let you say, not that he needed to hear it, but more for you to say it.  

A moment passed before he reached out to hold your upper arm, much like just before the mission, but this time it was skin on skin, and you could swear you felt your heart beating in your throat. 

“You’re crying.  Y/N, you don’t need to cry, I am “all in one piece” as you say.”

You wiped at the tears that collected on your cheeks and sighed, nodding up at him before a troublesome feeling overtook you, “All I can remember is fighting you.  Oh, Spock.  I can remember how much I wanted to kill you.  The desire was in my veins, in my brain, everywhere.  I would have killed you.  You would have let me kill you.”

Sobs wracked your body and you felt like you were only being held up by Spock’s hand on your arm.  He seemed to be sending you waves of assurance, of calm, through his skin and into yours. 

“That’s not of importance anymore.  We are both out alive.” He seemed to draw nearer to you, and you wanted nothing more than to curl into the warmth of his chest. 

“How did I get out of the influence of the serum?  I remember fighting you, and then waking up, but that’s it.” 

Like this.

The words seemed to resonate in your brain, and you quickly realized it was Spock speaking through your skin-to-skin connection.  You guessed he could sense your confusion and so he spoke again. 

I sent you memories and feelings.  To remind you of yourself.

The idea of forgetting yourself terrified you, and you were thankful when Spock sent another feeling of assurance into you.  

“So what memories did you send?” Your voice was barely a whisper. 

The images of the first time you met Spock flashed through your brain and you laughed, remembering how much you hated him at first. 

Then, from your first shore leave as friends, and you had gone to the beach together.  Spock was actually very good at surfing.  

Then, from the time you got stranded on the top of a mountain of a foreign planet together and spent two days up there, talking and trying to stay alive until help came. 

What surprised you most about the memories was the emotions that went along with them.   You had always felt this connection with Spock, ever since you met, but you never thought he would return your feelings.  Ever. 

Another tear slipped down your cheek, and you let out a watery laugh before you spoke, “So Vulcan’s kiss with their fingertips?”

Spock hummed in response, low and soft, and it made you melt a little. 

“Will you show me?” Your voice was barely a whisper. 

Spock’s dark eyes met yours now and he tilted his head to the side slightly. 

Raising your hand between you, you felt your breath hitch when his fingers released your arm and brushed against your own.  

The flow of your tears stopped as his fingertips pressed more insistently into yours, and you gasped at the feeling of affection that enveloped you.  You exhaled and sent him a wave of your own affection.  He seemed to shudder in response.  

Sliding your fingers in between his, you felt the wave of emotion subside, and you dropped your connected hands between you.  

“You told me you loved me.” You breathed, staring at his chest, “When you were trying to stop me, you told me you loved me.”

“I did not think you would remember it.” His words brushed across your forehead, “I did not think you would understand it, as it was in Vulcan.”

You let out a soft laugh, daring a quick look up at him, “I learned how to say I love you in Vulcan.  Last week, actually.  Nyota taught me.” You dropped your eyes sheepishly. 

Fingers pushed your chin up and gently rested there, keeping you in place with the hand of his injured arm. 

“I find that is pleasing to hear, Y/N.”

You felt a soft smile pull at your lips, “So you meant it?”

The corner of his mouth turned up, and you found yourself staring at the curve of his lips, “I did.” His fingers crooked behind your ear and pulled you closer, “I do.”

“Will you stay with me tonight, Spock?”

“As this is my room, I believe that I should be asking that question.”

You laughed and shook your head softly, reaching up on your tiptoes so your face was more level with his.  

“Will you let me stay with you tonight?” Your gaze slipped back and forth between his eyes. 

Spock’s untangled his fingers from yours and slipped his arm around your back, pulling your chests flush together.  

“Of course, Y/N, please stay.”

Your face broke into a smile, leaning in and pressing your lips to his softly. 

“If you insist.” 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!-

Once again this was for Trek Fest 2017!