#spn shit

so, anyway, at the start of s13 cas is dead and he’s lost mary and doesn’t even know if she’s alive. he’s most certainly still traumatized, even though cas is back when the episode “the bad place” occurs. kaia is someone who can possibly help them rescue mary, who dean hasn’t even allowed himself to hope is alive because that hope is too painful for him. because everyone dean loves leaves him even if they do come back. what dean does is obviously wrong and we’re supposed to feel that wrongness. maybe it would have been addressed more if wayward had gotten picked up, who knows. they did sort of allude to it when kaia was rescued, i think, but i don’t exactly remember. 

now, on to the jack incident(s). dean pulling a gun on jack and being willing to sacrifice him are yet more examples of “the dean i know wouldn’t do this.” hell, dean’s probably thinking the same thing himself. the scene in “moriah” is clearly meant to parallel the binding of isaac, and like abraham dean "fails” the test and is unable to kill his son. unlike abraham, though, dean struggles with the decision and ultimately chooses not to kill jack (while in the biblical story, an angel is sent down to intervene and stop abraham from killing isaac; also interesting to note that abraham and isaac don’t speak to each other again after this). also, unlike the biblical story, a vengeful chuck kills him anyway. in “unity,” he’s willing to give everything/everyone up (including his OWN BROTHER, who he raised and who he’s died for countless times) to get off chuck’s carnival ride. 

dean’s entire perception of his own existence (and the world around him and the people in it) was completely shattered by chuck and he’s been drowning in it the whole season. his actions in “unity” are borne of his desperation, and they’re the rising action before the climax that comes in “despair,” when he has all these preconceptions ripped away from him by cas’s love confession. 

dean is not the angry destructive creature either of his fathers molded him into. he was never just john’s blunt instrument, nor was he the angry destructive cold-blooded killer chuck wanted him to be. he was so full of love for the world that just by being himself, he taught a celestial being older than time itself what love was.