#spheel

I just really need to vent. Four years ago I came into high school as a freshman, and a few weeks in I met a girl. She was a senior, way far out of my league. I had never knew love, of course. I was 14, she was 17. This girl was scrawny, had acne with a puff of curly frizzy hair that was thicker than her whole body. She had tanned skin that always seemed shiny with deep golden brown eyes. I remember the first time we ever talked, she was drinking vodka out of a water bottle in the school gym. That probably should’ve been my first clue. I thought it was adventurous and funny, the way you called me beautiful and took my breath away. I remember the first time you told me you liked me. I remember smiling like an idiot. I remember running to let you in the school every morning and seeing you run across the parking lot with your hands full of sweet tea for me. Washing your car and my heart racing when you would touch me, or tell me you loved how I knew you so well. I remember loving you from the very first day. I remember you leaving school to place a dozen red roses on my door step for me on Valentine’s Day. I remember when you first told me you loved me, right before you boarded that flight to Cuba. It was all a fucking lie. All of it, the I love you more fights. Those three years I tried so hard for you; to show you how loved you were. Every time you needed me, I was there. Every time you needed a sexual plaything I was there to listen to your sexts. You gave me fucking anxiety attacks and I called it love. All I wanted was for you to love me, to show me that every strand of love I gave to you was somehow worth it. For you to turn to me and say, “Destiny, I know I don’t show it; but it’s been you this whole time.” Every fucking sleepless night, listening to you on the phone. Every time you told me you loved me more than anything just for you to tell me you never cared about me in the first place the next day. I remember the day you got my close friend drunk behind my back and tried making out with her. I remember her begging me to believe that you started it all. I remember believing you because it was easier than believing her and seeing the monster you are. I remember the first time you “broke up with me”, and the girl I found to move on from you with. Alana. I remember the months I spent on her, how much I cared for her. Just for you to send me a picture one Saturday morning laughing in your house. How you would torture me with the sexual details just to remind me that you stole my girlfriend. Now I see that you just wanted me to be miserable. I remember you calling me a little bitch every time I cried. I still have anxiety when my girlfriend comes to pick me up, because of the fifty or so times you asked me out on a date just to never call back. How I sat up late waiting for you to come pick me up. You never came, and you never will. I remember when you left for college and how it ripped my heart in two. How I stayed loyal to you, I was determined to carry on your legacy. It’s been four fucking years and you still find ways to come crawling back to remind me you exist. I know you adding me on snapchat again isn’t a big “deal”, but with you I know it is. It fucking is. Just like everything else, this move is calculated. You knew that seeing your user name pop up would remind me of all the times you called me ugly behind my back. How much you made fun of my thin eyebrows and my immaturity to other girls. I hate you Disley Cepero and you know this. I know you do.