#spfpp selfed

Here's a solo episode where I openly explore learning out loud about what it means to be intentional and my own insecurities. Have you ever met someone like you but on the next level of that? I mean, you're ready for that, but aware enough to use words and identify what insecurities may be bubbling up to the surface around reciprocating.

I talk about an experience here where... I met myself through someone and got to see those insecurities come up as pressure. Pressure is something that tends to conflict with presence. Pressure will pull you into past experiences causing a reaction in the now that don't work and imagined outcomes you can perform for that aren't fitting to the present moment. That's probably something to go more into in next week's episode.

There’s a difference between having needs and being needy. Asking for what you need is often also synonymous with begging, and no one wants to be a beggar, so in that, no one wants to ask others for what they need. This episode offers an opportunity to reframe how we view having needs, as well as folks’ reactions to us asking for what we need. I think neediness is synonymous with “begging” in the traditional sense of the word. In neediness, we are trying to get our needs met from others without directly asking for them to meet our needs. Having needs is just an observation.

How people choose to respond to our needs request is not a rejection or reflection of us, but a reflection of their boundaries. We may be uncomfortable with asking for what we need because we’re so comfortable meeting the needs of others. So let’s practice asking for what we need where it feels safe to do so, or we can practice with high stakes like going to someone who’s historically let you down and then directly making a request from them with no attachment to whether they comply or say no.

Here I share some moments where I expected to feel rejected after requesting my needs to be met by people, only to actually feel an alleviation of expectations. Let’s start being intentional about identifying our needs and then asking for them to be met before we can start covertly ask people to meet them through manipulation and neediness.