#spencerwrites

pencer

hi charlie…

I am an annoyance

A pathetic piece of garbage

Something you stepped in

That you just can't seem to scrape off

Some neglected puppy without a home

Following you around

Begging you

Pleading with you

Crying for your

Attention

Affection

Validation

Praise

I know you don't want me around

But I have nowhere else to go

I know my presence sickens you

But I have nowhere else to be

I know you hate talking to me

But no one else will listen

You are all I have

And I'm barely hanging on

To you

Please don't leave me

Please don't shun me

Please don't ignore me

Please don't forget me

Please don't get mad at me

Please don't yell at me

Just hold me

Tell me I'm okay

Tell me you love me

Tell me you need me

Tell me I matter

Tell me I'm enough

Tell me it'll be alright

e, that’s exactly how my boss told us to greet the newly dead, and two, and this one I'm awfully sorry about as well, you’re dead, Hun. You're in purgatory, you're talking to a Purgatory Information Department worker which you wouldn’t be able to see if you were alive. Alright granted, you wouldn't be here if you were, but still. You don’t have any vital signs to speak off, the mere mention of living hurts you, you’re as dead as I am and if you give me your wrist, I’ll show you..” I, she, she was joking, dedicated to it too. There was, there couldn’t be anyway she was serious. I was fine, I was just kidnapped by a crazy receptionist. Sooner or later the police would find me and I'd be back home with Mattie. “Heh, alright. This joke has gone on long enough, at-” Just above her head was a clock. One of those fancy ones that displays the date and the time and the weather. It read 9:45 November 1st, 2014. “No, no way that cant be. It was July like half an hour ago! This, she, she cant-” “Alfred,” hearing her say my name, it was jarring. When I looked at her, the mocking smile was gone. In its place was an all-business kinda look. “Give me your wrist.” I could have said no, wanted to really, but I gave it to her anyway. Her hands were cold, like lifeless cold. She tapped something on her mac-book and a scanner popped out. She held my wrist under it. To my great surprise, there was a bunch of raised bumps on the underside that I hadn’t seen before, on it. She looked at the computer screen  and pursed her lips. “Ah! Here it is.” She let my wrist go and said, “Now, I  want you to promise me that you'll at least be try to be calm about this. “ I didn’t  know what that meant but I sure as he-heck- didn’t like it. Above my head, a large TV swung to the front out of nowhere. The monitor turned on. And there I was. Walking across the street like I last remembered. That clock had to have been wrong, that was me just a few hours ago, it had to be. But somewhere deep down inside, I knew that it wasn’t wrong, that Patty was right, that I was...i was... so I'm walking across the street, with no sound whatsoever,  and the camera pans, and a shiny black Chevrolet Ultima comes barreling down the turn onto the street I'm currently walking across. I don’t react in the slightest on the TV, because of the stupid friggin' music. The camera cuts to inside the Chevy. The guys got enough beer bottles in there to build a friggin mansion. He doesn’t notice me. And I don’t notice him. Now, the me watching this, I know exactly what's gonna happen next. I can feel it. I just so very desperately want to not believe that it actually happened. Oddly enough, it's not me I’m worried about, it's Mattie. This is on the street directly outside of my house, what happens if he hears, what happens if he's watching me leave from the window at the top of our house? So the car slams right into the me on the TV. Its like watching a little explosion. One minute I'm standing, the other, there’s a spurt of blood and I’m on the ground. To his credit, the guy gets out and looks under his wheels and starts yelling. I can't hear him, there’s no sound in this macabre little video, but that body language can only mean one thing. He's nice enough to pull my half-dead body out from underneath his car too. The guy takes one look at my mangled, almost corpse and start freaking out. I was too, on the inside. The me in the video, I wasn't bleeding as much as I had thought a person who got hit by a car going at least 75 Mph would, but that doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot of good things, but my arm, my leg, they were broken, and the front of my shirt was getting redder with each passing second. Then my murderer's got his phone in hand. He looks as if he's crying, poor guy. And then, to my horror, Mattie comes running across the screen. I want to turn it off. Tell Patty to turn it off. But I can't. So I watch. He drops to his knees, and although the camera isn't up close, I can see his shoulders shaking. My Matt is crying. He holds me against him for some amount of time until the ambulance rolls up, and then the screen starts spluttering out, kinda like a candle. Then it shuts off and doesn't come back on. I pull my shirt up. There’s a huge scar that I’m fairly certain wasn't there before all across my chest, sort of like a star-burst, and on my right shoulder and arm, white and raised, like they've healed some. I leave my pants alone. I think I know what I'll see anyway. There's no pulse to be found on me. Not on my neck, or my wrist, or wherever else..  I can't explain how I felt. Shocked, yeah definitely, upset, oh yes, disappointed, in myself. I had lived my life to the fullest, all because there was someone I had to protect, to do my best for, someone whom I loved with all my being and I just subjected him to my dying moments. Aunt Cara was barely there , and we don’t have any close relatives, I was fundamentally the only family he had left, and because I was stupid, because I didn't pay attention, because I blared my damn music so loud across a street I knew good and damn (Ow) well was busy and had had a number of accidents, because I didn’t look before I crossed, because I didn't hurry my ass over, I was here and he was there. What a way to spend a birthday,way to go me. “There’s more,” Patty said solemnly. “G-great. What, what is it?” I tried not to look like I was crying, and failed miserably. “You left a few last words.” She pressed something else on her laptop, and my voice filled the air. I sounded close to death, probably because I was. “M-matt...I...I l-love you, don't you...you ever..forget that...” If I sounded bad, Mattie sounded worse. He was crying, and angry and horrified. “I love you too, you stupid bastard! (I've never heard Matt curse before) Now stop talking like you're gonna die, you’ll be fine, we'll get you to the hospital and they'll fix you up and you'll be just fine! ...A-Al? AL! ALFRED!! NO-...” I couldn’t do this whole 'standing' thing much longer. That and the room was spinning. Which is odd, considering I don’t have to breathe. 'I failed. I failed Matthew. I had ONE FUCKING JOB AND BECAUSE OF MY IINATTENTIVENESS I’M DEAD AND MATTIE'S ALONE! GOD I'M SUCH A-' “Well, Alfred. My deepest apologies for that tragic ending, but I have reviewed your life's accomplishments, and your sins and I am very glad to tell you that not only are you to become one of the blessed, but the heavenly father himself has requested a meeting with you the moment you ascend. Your escort is outside as we speak, it was a pleasure sorting you. ” Patty told me, from somewhere above my head. I wasn’t listening, I was too busy kicking myself across the room in my head, until she said, 'meeting with the Heavenly Father.” I could just guess what that meant. I stood up, “Wha-” But she was gone. As was the reception desk. And on the other side of the room, was a lone door, that definitely wasn’t there before. I have a feeling that once I step through the door, things will change. A lot. But hell (OW!), I don’t really have a choice. I'm somehow pushed across the room to the door. The door swings open of its own accord.

Wow. It's so bright outside that I’m blinded for a few seconds, and the hand over my eyes doesn't help at all like I hope it would, and it's as silent as a crypt out here, wherever 'here' may be, but when I open my eyes... There's a group of people standing underneath a copse of tree's, chilling in the shade and all that. I know they're angels. I don’t know how, but I know. they're practically glowing, which probably gave them away, and they all had wings and halos, another big hint, but besides that, they were... unearthly. No human being is that flawless, that weird, twilight-esque type pretty, unless you're Beyoncé. and these guys were no Bey. There were four of them. A big, buff blonde, a tiny brunet with a weird sideways cowlick and eyes the size of the moon (even though it's not nine in the afternoon, heh), an even-smaller Japanese dude with poker-straight black hair and brown eyes, and a woman. She looked like she was as old as Mattie, and she had this 'I-am-the-leader look about her, and she was as blonde as the buff guy, nix the blue eyes for gray. As for Buffy the everything slayer over there, He looked like he crushed the skulls of his enemies for a living.. Now I probably spent at least three minutes just staring (gaping) at them like a total creep, but y'know it's my first time seeing angels, and my mental/emotional state wasn't the best. With my instability, I could have gone bat-shit, so I'm proud of the way I reacted. So there we were, a newly dead guy, and four angels, staring each other down like a shootout at noon. Eventually, someone over there got tired of me gawking at them. The little brunet with the sidecurl and the huge brown doe-eyes smiles really wide, in a way that would really creepy on anyone else, and runs towards me. Now, my first reaction is to a) run or b) deck this guy in the face, but punching an angel is probably an instaticket straight to hell, and I get the distinct feeling the buff one would tear my spine out through my asshole ( this whole 'cursing hurts' thing is getting really old) and beat me to death with it if I lay a hand on the brunet, so I go for c) standing deer-in-the-headlights still and hoping he gets the picture. He doesn't. He runs up and bear-hugs me. “Yay! Luddy, Look! We've got a new friend! Oh can he eat dinner with us tonight? I'll make pasta, do you like pasta? I like pasta, big brother likes pasta too, maybe he can come over! But he doesn’t like Luddy, and God says you should love thy neighbor but God knows Lovino is a cool cat, and a nice guy,  so it's ok, but God also says that after so many millennium, he learned that you can't love everybody but I try anyway. What kinda pasta do you like, I like linguine, it's got a funny name, I can make all types if you don't like linguine, I can make farfalle, bigoli, penne, ravioli, cappelini, cappelini d'angelo, did you know that means angel hair? I think that it's nice to eat pasta  that you're named after, and I can do fusili, and spaghetti, spaghettini, spaghettoni, fetuce, fettucine, vermicelli, ziti, zitoni, malfaldine-” He goes on and on about pasta, while I try to figure out what the hell (god, it stings) is going on and how to get this little Italian guy off of me. He's Italian, by the way. He has the accent to prove it, I had a friend from Italy once who acted the exact same, and he smells like a walking restaurant. I look over the Italian's head at the rest of them, pleading for rescue. The Japanese man is just staring at us, smiling slightly. The Woman's rolling her eyes like this is a regular, and annoying, occurrence, and the blonde looks like he could stomp over and drag the italian away at any moment.  The italian beats him to it. “My name's Feliciano Angelo Vargas, but you can call me Feli if you want to, it's very nice to meet you, mi amico! “ He runs over to and points at the Japanese dude. “That's my bestest friend Kiku, hes from Giaponne, isn't he shizzy? And that’s il nostro comandante di plotone! Her name is Ana and she's a very nice signora. She's also a favorito di Dio! She's so cool! And the big, blonde, scary looking man, that's Luddy. Only I get to call him that! His name is Ludwig and he's big and strong and tough and dependable and really nice even though he gets mad when I point it out. He's l'amore della mia vita. The love of my life!” 'Ludwig' blushed really red and huffed, then he spoke. “That's enough introductions from you, Feliciano. It's Ana's turn now. Get over here.” He was German. And the stereotypes weren't too far off on him. dang. Feliciano, whom I decided to call Feli for time's sake, scampered over like a puppy to Ludwig. The Ana stepped forward and smiled and I felt kinda weird. Good weird, but weird. She offered me her hand. “Hello, Mr. Jones. I am Ana, servant of god, chief seraphim for our lord, and his most trusted and beloved angel, I am quite proud to say. I am here to escort you to our Father myself. And as Feliciano said, I am their platoon leader. We greet new angels, among other things, but all that shall be explained after your ascension. For now, its time to crown you.” That particular phrase catches my attention. “Crown me?” I'm pretty sure it's the first thing I’ve said since I walked outside. Feli nods excitedly, “That’s the best part! You'll love it, I did. It was amazing I was all, 'wow' then I got to heaven and it's so pretty and I met Luddy there and-” Ana takes something shining too bright for me to see out of a satchel I didn't notice before Feli can talk my ear off some more. “This,” she hold the glowing object out to me, “Is your halo, Mr. Jones. Do you accept it and all it's power?” I had expected more pomp and circumstance for this little speech, but I said yes anyway. She set it on my head, or on top of it, really. But nothing happened for a few seconds. Until, Ya know, it did. Wow, is all I can say really. Just, wow. Because, I’m kinda hard-pressed to describe it, even now. It was this influx of...happiness. Which was odd, I had just found out I was dead, that's not really a cause for happiness, but there it was. Then Ana steps back and smiles, “It looks wonderful. Now, Mr. Jones, you have a very important date with our Father, hence the hurried introductions, so we had better be going, follow me please.” I can't immediately detect a difference, other than the fact the Feli is flipping his shiz, bouncing up and down like a puppy on crack, and the happy feeling. Then I look down. “Whoa...” I'm freaking IRRIDESCENT! I'm glowing like the Chrysler building! And I can see white, feathery things sticking out from my sides. “Oh my god, I HAVE WINGS! That's so hella!” End of Chapter 1