To my fellow femslash lovers and creaters:
This post is part of Femslash Revolutionās I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.
I struggled with thinking of what I was going to write for this, so I settled on what I know best ā (being overly dramatic about) my own experiences, and what femslash means to me ā in the hopes that other people will relate, and maybe feel a little more confident in who they are and what they do. So:
When I first started writing femslash myself, I was still very much in the closet. I couldnāt help but feel a little guilty, because I wasnāt supposed to let myself think like that or indulge those fantasies. But I did anyway, and for once that guilt didnāt stop me, and I felt oddly light because of it.
Looking back, I think the first fic I ever posted was a very poorly written allydia au about 5 or 6 years ago, but even though itās cringe-worthy writing, I still canāt bring myself to take it down. Because I remember how it felt to write it. It wasnāt just fun, it was thrilling. Here I was, just recently having accepted the fact that I liked girls, writing about other girls loving girls. It was like my big-little secret, my own personal revolution, this whole part of me that I couldnāt really talk about yet, but I could express through the characters I loved.Ā
I felt giddy, andĀ powerfulāif wanted this female character to kiss that one, I could sit down, crack open my laptop, and make it happen. And once I realized that I didnāt have to stop at one pairing, and saw all the content that people were making for others, I kept at it. I would bring notebooks with me to work in the summer, and write while in between shifts, create alternate universes where other women could be everything I was too scared to be yet, and have what I wanted. When I got to college my freshman year, still deep in the closet but trying to pretend that part of me wasnāt real less and less, I would feel a certain kind of rush from writing stories like these in my corner of the library, out in the open even if nobody could know what was on my screen. It was something all my own, but also something I realized from the content I consumed that I didnāt have to keep to myself, that I could share with the world relatively anonymously.Ā
It was me saying: hey, look at these girls in love, look at how complex their lives and their relationships are, look at all the different scenarios I can put them in, look at what I like, look at what I could be. I wasnāt ready to embrace it in real life, but those desires didnāt have to be locked up and hidden inside me anymore either. If I wanted a girl to hold me and kiss me without being afraid someone would see, I could make that happen in my writing. If I wanted to see my favorite, cheesy romantic clichĆ©s play out between women, I could read it or write it.Ā If I wanted to talk about how much I liked it when girls wore a certain thing, or looked a certain way, or talked about something they were passionate about, I could do that through the eyes of a character I connected with and be comforted that if I couldnāt have that yet, I could give that to someone else and pretend that they did.
What made it really worth it, though, was the small group of people who I found myself interacting with through all of this, who would comment on my stuff when I would comment on theirs, or message me about certain pairings, as excited and passionate as I was about them and for a lot of the same reasons. What made it worth it was knowing that other people could see themselves in these characters, too, and feeling so connected to people Iād never even met or talked to before. It was knowing that I wasnāt alone in feeling what I felt, or wanting to see the kind of content I was creating.Ā
One day, I want to publish my own stories, stories where girls fall in love, and break up, and go on adventures, and live their lives real and raw, and fall in love again. One day, I want to create my own characters, characters that will hopefully resonate with women and young girls holed up in their bedrooms writing about things theyāre too scared to admit yet, in the position I was in not long ago. And when that time comes, I wonāt have to be anonymous anymore. It might sound cheesy, but I really donāt think I could have gotten there without the initial jumping board and that spark of confidence that writing femslash has given me.
Which is why I wanted to give a special shoutout to anyone who has ever created femslash content, or consumed it, or loved it in any way. I especially want to make sure all of you know that you are appreciated.
Listen, we all know that often femslash pairings arenāt nearly as popular as slash and het (unless the pairing is two white woman going up against a canon interracial het ship, but Iām not going to get into that whole mess right now for the sake of keeping this positiveāI just think itās important to acknowledge there are definitely problems within a lot of popular femslash in fandoms and that femslash ships arenāt automatically perfect). Itās no secret that femslash works typically donāt get a fraction of the attention that content for other pairings do, and that unlike other categories, the people creating content for femslash pairings are almost always lgbtq+ women themselves. But for all my fellow femslash creators and lovers out there, particularly those of you who create for rare pairs you love or fall in love with pairings from shows that donāt get the attention they should, I just want you all to know that even though you might not get as many notes, or kudos, or comments, your work still matters.Ā
It matters to someone out there whoās navigating their identity but might not really have anyone to talk to as theyāre coming to terms with the fact that they like girls. It matters to someone out there whoās struggling to find a label they feel comfortable with, or realizing that labels might not be for them after all. It matters to lesbians learning to accept the fact that they donāt like boys and they donāt have to despite what society tells us, and thatās okay. It matters to bi girls who are realizing itās okay to like both. It matters to people like me. Iām sure it means something to you. So please, keep your head up, and remember that those 10 kudos on your fic might really be worth a thousand, and that drawing you made you were upset only got 20 notes is saved as someoneās computer background because it made them smile so much, and thereās a girl listening to that shippy playlist you made on repeat because she knows how it feels to pine after her best friend.
My point is, donāt let anyone make you feel like your work doesnāt matter, or let numbers and stats make you think it doesnāt mean anything. It means something. So keep on creating.
About the author:Ā I never know what to write for these kind of things um. Iām Alex, Iām 21 and a senior in college, graduating this May and preparing to attend law school next fall. In terms of fandom, as you can probably imagine based on what I wrote here, the kind of content I create is mostly fic, but I love just talking and headcanoning about femslash pairings in general too. Also, because I feel like this is relevant for this piece, I guess I should mention that Iām a lesbian, but that it took me a long time to accept that and to be comfortable with my identity. But Iām getting there, and Iād be lying if I said creating this kind of content and writing and reading about this kind of stuff hasnāt helped. Soā¦cheers! (Some links below)
Link to Main BlogĀ //Ā Link to AO3
