#speechless trilogy

"It's so weird, seeing The Beef sign not hanging," You commented as you approached the restaurant with Marcus, coffees in hand. Sydney and Carmy were already standing outside, watching the sign being taken away.

"Yeah... kinda feels bittersweet," Marcus replied as you both reached Sydney and Carmy. You each handed them the coffees you had for them.

This whole "just friends" thing with Carmy was proving to be more difficult than you initially thought. He still haunted your dreams, your nightmares, and a good majority of your thoughts. Now, that you were taking fewer hours at work to help with The Bear, you were in close proximity to Carmy almost every damn day. Part of you wondered if he felt the same, but you still remembered those stinging words of him calling you a "little fling" that day— you were long past that fight, you'd made up, but those words still haunted you. It were as if you'd meant nothing to him at all.

"Let it go," You internally reminded yourself— then your mind devolved into the actual song. Damn Disney and their catchy music.

"C'mon, let's go inside," Sydney nudged you, breaking you from your thoughts.

You followed her inside, leaving Marcus and Carmy on the sidewalk. Sugar was inside, busying herself with something that you really didn't understand, she was more on the business side of things.

Your thing was interior design. Of course, your boring little office job wasn't for that, so when Syd had offered to hire you on for interior design for The Bear, you jumped at the chance— even if it meant spending more time than you'd like with Carmy.

"You seem distracted. You alright, dude?" Syd asked you, sympathy behind her tone.

"Yeah... just... this whole being just friends thing with Carmy is weird getting used to. That's all," You reassured. You'd made a decision that you wouldn't be hiding shit from her this time; but, some things you wouldn't go into extensive detail about.

"It'll be alright, just think of this as... getting to spend more time with me?" Syd muttered with a playful nudge.

"Yeah, you're right." You smiled softly.

It was something you'd talked about when you were approaching your final year of high school— Syd opening a restaurant, you designing the interior of said restaurant. It was nice to finally see that dream through... even if it involved the man who complicated your life these days.

Well, at least with Richie taking on the role of maître d'hôtel at The Bear, you'd be working in close proximity with him more than Carmy. You'd gotten along with Richie since the first moment you stepped into The Beef while Syd was working there, so there was that at the very least. You'd also be working closely with Marcus, and the rest of the former Beef staff who'd become your friends— that was a plus at the very least in all of this.

"I've been sketching and writing down loads of ideas," You told Sydney. You could only hope you could run those ideas by Sydney more than Carmy.

Of course, the boys came inside in that moment, and Carmy had to chime in. "Can't wait to see them."

So much for running those ideas by Sydney more than Carmy.

You gave Carmy an awkward smile over your shoulder, then looked at Sydney again. "Um, wanna come over tonight and we can talk some of it over?"

"Shit, I'm sorry, I can't— I would, I really would but I have a meeting with this up and coming journalist about the restaurant," She frowned.

"Oh, it's okay! We can worry about it another time—"

"I can come talk some of it over if you want?" Carmy suggested.

Of course he suggested coming over. Why did he insist on tormenting you? Still, you were determined to make this "just friends" thing work. So, you relented, a big ass forced smile on your face.

"Sounds great!"

┈

You wished so desperately you could've backed out of this. But, no, this "just friends" thing was going to work, come hell or high water, and you were not going to sacrifice your interior design job just because of stupid Carmy... and his stupid handsome face and stupid good looking body and stupid charming smile. Stupid Carmen Berzatto.

Carmy came to your apartment with you, you both headed inside. You decided to make a mental note, "Always bring your art tablet, sketchbook, and notebook with you to the restaurant from now on."

"Want some water? Pop? Wine? Snacks?" You asked, trying not to sound as nervous as you felt with Carmy being back in your apartment for the first time since your fight with Sydney.

"I could actually go for a coffee, maybe?" Carmy muttered, sitting on your couch.

"Alright. Well, um... make yourself comfortable!" With that, you scurried to your kitchen.

Why did it suddenly feel like you were living in a really fucked up romcom?

You took a deep breath, making Carmy a coffee and yourself a tea. This was for work, Carmy was here strictly for business.

You'd also made the decision of no more drinking if a situation involved Carmy— that would be a bad mixture. But man, you'd kill for a fucking glass of wine right now.

Okay, this would all be fine. You were not intoxicated, you had no excuse to make any moves on Carmy, absolutely none. But what if he did that stupid thing where he flexed in that stupid white t-shirt and— STOP.

Jesus Christ. You gave yourself a quick splash of cold water to the face. Calm down, calm the fuck down.

You finally made your way back to the living room as you took a deep breath. "Here you go, Carm!"

"You remembered how I take it?" He asked.

"Well, yeah, I did just get you a coffee this morning—"

"That's different. You buy different coffee."

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Why are you being so weird?" You grumbled.

"Me? Why are you being so weird?" Carmy asked, almost sounding offended. "You've been like this all day."

"Oh my god, like what?" You asked.

"Just... I don't know!" Carmy exclaimed.

Suddenly, you realized the proximity to Carmy was a little too close.

"Like... nervous and fuckin' jittery around me and shit," Carmy muttered.

"No I'm not!" Yes you were.

And then Carmy smirked. You felt a chill run up your spine, and an all to familiar warmth in your stomach... arousal. From Carmy. Stupid, stupid, hot Carmy.

It only took a matter of seconds for both of you to snap. Carmy was kissing you, you were kissing him back. You knew Carmy being in your apartment was a bad idea.

You barely even remember how the two of you ended up in your bedroom, all you knew was that you were naked, he was naked, and he had you on all fours at the foot of your bed, and he was wasting absolutely no time fucking pounding you.

It'd been a while since you'd gotten fucked like that— well, fucked at all, admittedly. Since before your fight with Sydney, actually, cus you and Carmy hadn't done anything that night, and you hadn't bothered to see anybody else since your fight with Carmy.

"Ah— Carm— holy fuck—" You cried out as he pulled you up, the angle making him hit that soft spot inside you.

"Fuck, you feel s'fuckin good, baby," He groaned in your ear, one hand pawing at your tits, the other using his thumb to tease and rub your clit.

You tossed your head back against Carmy's shoulder, every sensation drawing you closer to the edge.

"C'mon, wanna feel you cum on my dick, pretty girl," He growled in your ear as he felt your walls clenching.

"Jesus— fuck—" You yelped, Carmy let you fall forward against the mattress as you came, your breathing becoming ragged and heavy.

"Good girl, gooood girl," Carmy grunted as he kept fucking into you, nearing his own orgasm. His familiar, obscene sounds filled the room as his hot seed filled you. "Fuck, takin' it like a fuckin' champ, babe."

You knew Carmy, though. He had a knack for making you cum multiple times in one night, so you knew this was just the beginning.

┈

After a night of sleep from Carmy thoroughly fucking your brains out, you awoke to an empty bed— not only that, but no note, no text. So, you got up, thinking maybe he's making coffee, or breakfast— nope. Nothing, nobody. No Carmy.

You sighed, realizing that last night was a huge fucking mistake. The biggest mistake you'd made in a while, probably a close second to getting involved with him in the first place. This was a thorough disaster, and you decided to make a promise to yourself right now, no more Carmy, no matter how tempting he may seem, this feeling the day after was not worth it, this pain was not worth the high.

You made yourself a coffee, and sat on the couch, contemplating what to do. Do you tell Sydney what happened last night, and beg her not to let you be alone with Carmy ever again? Do you even acknowledge what happened around him at all? Did he feel that it was a mistake too? As the thoughts swirled around your brain, you felt tears pricking your eyes.

Goddammit, of course you were gonna tell Syd. You promised, no more fucking secrets. But that didn't change how awful you were feeling.

i'm gonna be running a little late today. long story, promise i'll tell you later.

oh my god.

tell me you didn't.

How did she figure it out from a single text message? She did always seem to know you a little too well.

i did.

You felt yourself actually starting to cry now. How could you let this happen, after everything? The fights, the makeups, deciding to be only friends... you felt so stupid.

Yeah, this pain was definitely not worth the high.

Soon enough, Sydney let herself and Marcus into your apartment, she had coffees and he had a box of freshly made donuts.

"Oh my god," You mumbled upon seeing them, tear stains tracked all over your cheeks.

"Cheer up squad at your service!" Marcus announced as each of them sat either side of you.

They sandwiched you in a tight hug, Sydney giving you a little kiss on the cheek. It was obvious that Sydney knew by your text how upset you were.

"So... what happened?" Sydney asked softly.

You sighed, and explained that you tried to keep things neutral and normal, then next thing you knew, he was kissing you, you were kissing him back. And then things moved to the bedroom and got heated quickly. Then in the morning... there was nothing. No note, no text, no Carmy. Just a whole load of nothing.

"Can I kill him? I'd like to kill him," Sydney said casually. "I would really, really like to kill him, actually."

You sighed, putting your face in your hands. "Syd, please, I don't wanna confront him with this. I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

Syd sighed and nodded, her arm falling around you to rub your shoulder. "It's okay, yknow. Shit happens."

"Yeah, shit happens," Marcus nodded in agreement. "It was just as much his doing as it was yours."

"Please promise me you guys will keep me from letting him come to my fucking apartment again," You groaned. "Please."

"We'll try our best," Syd muttered, then laughed a little. "I could move in. That would help, right?"

"Very funny," You sighed, knowing your shitty, small one bedroom apartment would definitely not house two people very well.

Thankfully, Sydney and Marcus spent the morning with you, letting you wallow in your sadness and embarrassment in their company. Ah, true friends.

Eventually, you all headed to the future site of The Bear, and you'd discovered that Carmy, Sugar, and Sydney, were aiming to have the damn thing open in three months, with the help of funding from the Berzattos uncle Jimmy. You'd really have your work cut out for you...

In more ways than one.

tags ; @maggiesarchives @carmenberzattosgf @buendiabebeta @turtle-cant-communicate @fastboatsmojito @wabi-sabi1090 @dearpyramus

You woke up for yet another day of designing things for The Bear, still feeling awful from your night with Carmy and to make matters worse, now you felt sick. Almost as if you were coming down with a stomach bug or something.

Great, an illness was just what you fucking needed right now.

So, Sydney was coming over later today to discuss some designs with you instead of you coming to the restaurant. She was apparently also eager to tell you all about the journalist she'd met with for the restaurant, Astrid Song.

You'd been avoiding Carmy like the plague since the other night, and man, that was no easy feat by any means right now. Though, over text, she mentioned something about him seeming distracted all of the sudden. You couldn't help but wonder if that had anything to do with you...

Regardless, you were thankful you'd have to go another day without seeing him.

At least you knew your role in terms of the restaurant, so you could work strategically in order to avoid Carmy. There were new roles all around. You, the interior designer. Sugar, the project manager... maybe. Tina, Syd's "Jeff" in training (which really made you smile, given all the hardship Syd had faced with Tina). Even Fak was officially joining the team... apparently he wasn't officially on the team before, which confused you. Even the new Fak you encountered would be coming aboard. These were the things you thought about to keep your mind off of Carmy.

When Sydney arrived, she let herself into your apartment, holding a few bags in her hands. "Hey, I went to a shit ton of restaurants earlier for inspiration," She commented. "I brought my leftovers! You hungry?"

"As nice as that sounds, I've been feeling nauseous as fuck all day," You muttered, rubbing your forehead.

"Shit, you coming down with something?" She asked, going to stick some of the food in your fridge for the time being.

You shrugged, getting up and leaning against the wall near your fridge. "No clue. Might just be a stomach bug, if I had to guess."

"Want me to whip you up some soup?" She asked you as she finished piling her leftovers in your fridge.

"Nah, nah, I'll be fine. As much as I hate to turn down something you made, I'm too focused right now. Let's sit down, I wanna show you some of the things I've been working on!" You replied, waving your hand for your best friend to follow you along to the couch.

As the two of you sat, you picked up your art tablet. You unfolded the cover and opened up the folder on what you'd been working on for the restaurant.

"So, I know you and Carmy mentioned family style," You explained as you opened up one of your designs. "I thought this might be nice."

"Oh, wow, this is... it's incredible," Sydney said with a growing smile, looking over the details. "I think Carmy will be into it."

After a moment of silence, Syd spoke again. "Yknow you're gonna have to show him this at some point, right? You can't just hide from him forever."

"Why?" You whined. But, you knew why. Whether you liked it or not, this was his restaurant as much as it was Syd's. So, you sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Hey, you don't have to face him alone, you know that, don't you?" She reminded, tone gentle and reassuring. "You got me, and you got Marcus. Plus, I'm sure Richie would also be happy to be around... even if he doesn't really know what's going on."

"Does Richie ever know what's going on?" You joked.

"No," Sydney laughed. "But don't change the subject. You aren't alone, okay?"

You nodded, sighing a little bit. "Okay."

"Alright, do you wanna come dessert restaurant hopping with me? There's one I'm gonna meet Astrid at," She told you with a little smile.

"Astrid, right. She's that journalist who's gonna do a piece on the restaurant," You nodded with a little smile.

"Yeah. She's so cool, man, you gotta come meet her!" Sydney pleaded.

You laughed softly, deciding maybe you could use a little outting and to meet somebody new. "Okay, okay. Sounds like fun."

┈

This was definitely a fun dessert restaurant that you'd tagged along with Sydney to. But, the way she was hyping up Astrid to you almost made you feel like the third wheel on a date.

"Sydney!" A voice called from a table, you both looked over and saw the journalist in question.

God, was she ever beautiful. You'd probably go as far as to describe her as angelic. What the hell was she doing in journalism instead of modeling?

You followed Sydney to the table where Astrid awaited you, the two of them sharing a hug while you awkwardly waited for Sydney to introduce you.

"Astrid, um, this is my best friend," She introduced, telling her your name while motioning to you. Then she smiled at you, motioning to Astrid. "This is Astrid Song, journalist extraordinaire."

"It's so nice to meet you, Syd's told me so many things," Astrid said to you with a sweet smile, holding her hand out to you.

You shook her hand, laughing a bit. "Good things, I hope."

"Of course good things," Syd replied, playfully nudging your side.

You all sat down, perusing the menu of extravagant desserts. Syd made some joke about all this food being a business expense that she could claim on her taxes.

Meanwhile, you felt nauseous all over again while looking over all of the delicious desserts. God, you really wish you didn't feel like this, because usually this dessert menu would be like heaven to you.

"You good?" Syd asked you softly, noticing how off you seemed while looking at the menu.

"Yeah, just still feeling a little shitty," You murmured softly in response. "I'll probably just get something light."

"Yeah, of course, anything you want," She nodded. "You too, Astrid, anything you want!"

"You're spoiling me," Astrid giggled softly.

The more they blatantly flirted, the more you truly felt like the third wheel.

You ended up finding something on the menu that your stomach may have been able to handle— and promised Syd a bite so she could properly do her sampling.

"Yeah, Carmy was supposed to come with me today but he blew me off," You tuned in mid conversation when Sydney mentioned Carmy as you waited for your desserts. "Didn't tell me why."

"Sounds like Carmy," You mumbled with a little eye roll.

"Oh my god, do I smell tea?" Astrid asked, looking at you curiously.

You laughed a little, but shrugged. "Not really. It's stupid."

"Well, if you ever feel like talking about it, I've been told I'm a great listener," Astrid giggled.

"Thanks," You muttered with a little laugh. "As long as you don't spin it into your story about The Bear."

"Oh my god, never," Astrid said quickly. "Trust, I'm all about honest journalism. Whatever personal biz you have going on with Carmy has nothing to do with the restaurant, and nothing to do with my profession!"

You smiled a little, refreshed by Astrid's words. It was nice to hear, an article without fishing for a juicy topic that really had nothing to do with the actual article itself. "Thanks, I appreciate that."

"It sucks that you have to thank me for that, some assholes have ruined journalism, I swear," Astrid sighed softly.

"Yeah, it's so stupid," Sydney sighed softly. "Thank god Astrid is a professional with an honest heart."

As Astrid blushed and shared a smile with your best friend, you couldn't help still feeling like the third wheel.

┈

You started to head back to your apartment alone, Syd was going to do some more dessert restaurant hopping with Astrid— but if you even looked at another delicious dessert, you'd probably puke your guts out.

Of course, this was when a realization hit you. Something was... wrong. Very wrong.

So, you made a quick detour into the nearest drug store on your way home. It was probably nothing, or so you hoped, but you needed to be sure.

You headed to the checkout with your basket, which included some ginger ale and chicken noodle soup in case it really was just a stomach bug. But, having it for comfort on the off chance it wasn't was probably a good thing. Thank god for self checkout, because you were not wanting to deal with the stares that came with what you were buying.

Once you got home, you took a shaky deep breath deciding to just get that done and over with first. So you did, then set it on the counter and set the timer on your phone for three minutes.

Tick, tick, tick...

You paced back and forth as you waited— it was the longest three fucking minutes of your life. Every time you looked at your phone, it felt like an eternity passed despite it only being a few seconds.

Tick, tick, tick...

And there went your timer, ringing out loudly as you closed your eyes. The results were going to be right in front of you the moment you opened them, one little line would make it real.

You opened your eyes...

Positive.

A positive pregnancy test.

Well, you had no other choice— you had to tell Carmy.

┈

You rushed down to The Bear, figuring he'd probably be there, he was usually always there.

Instead, you were greeted by Richie, Sugar, and Sydney all yelling, with Astrid standing to the side looking... awkward and confused.

Carmy was nowhere in sight. At least for a moment, until he walked in with a girl you didn't recognize.

"What the fuck is going on?!" He exclaimed.

The words were lost on you as your eyes fixated on the unknown woman by Carmy's side— something about Richie stealing power from the neighbours. And whoever this girl was, Sugar looked excited to see her.

"So uh, who's this?" You piped up, looking between Carmy and the mysterious brunette next to him.

"Oh, uh, this is Claire," He muttered. "Old friend."

Oh.

"Hi, I'm Sydney," Syd greeted. "I'm also sorry that you're here."

"Claire! Wow, so nice to meet you," You greeted, almost too enthusiastically.

Sydney and Astrid both looked at you like you were insane. Carmy didn't particularly notice nor care, which didn't really surprise you, it seemed like he was more concerned with Claire and being around to even notice how frazzled you were.

"Okay, okay! Everyone, goodnight," Carmy shouted, a clear hint for everybody to get the fuck out.

"Yeah, um, goodnight!" You exclaimed.

Carmy gave you a puzzled look as you rushed by him, and he grabbed your shoulder, but before he opened his mouth to speak, you spoke again.

"I'm just saying goodnight."

And with that, you hurried out of the building, despite only having just got there moments prior. Any plans you had to tell Carmy about your positive pregnancy tests were well out the window, at least for tonight.

But how were you going to get over this new Claire hurdle? The puzzle pieces fell into place, she was more than Carmy's friend, she had to be the reason he was so distracted lately. There's no way she wasn't.

It's not like you just couldn't tell him, you knew he was the father, you hadn't slept with anybody else since a while before your first time with him. But it wasn't like you could just spring it on him now that he had an apparent girlfriend. You could barely even face him right now.

Sure, he didn't say the word "girlfriend" outright, but the way he was so eager to get everybody out of the restaurant to be alone with her, it was obvious to you that there was way more than friendship going on there. And you just had to pretend like that didn't bother you, because it's not like you were seeing Carmy anymore anyways.

Besides, it could always have been a false positive... right?

Yeah, it was time to make a doctor's appointment in the morning.

Maybe it was better to be absolutely certain that this was real, especially with Carmy's new friend in the picture. It was already a hell of a thing to spring on him, but now with Claire in the picture...

As if you really needed another bruise to your damn ego.

All you could think to yourself as you settled into bed for the night was, "why me?"

tags ; @maggiesarchives @carmenberzattosgf @buendiabebeta @turtle-cant-communicate @fastboatsmojito @wabi-sabi1090 @dearpyramus @teddygrahamslam @juinnotjuillet @henlo17 @jessv9607 @neenerisms @manebabe