#spczom

           “  I  might’ve  been  shored  up  here  a  couple  of  months,  but  I  can’t  imagine  what'ch’ya  boys  have  been  through  has  been  anything  near  easy.  “

      “ that was too close !  ”

"  you  and  i  both  know  for  a  fact  that  that  is  a  lie.  you  need  me  ,  and  i  need  you.  so  lets  not  make  this  an  issue,  "  she  grits  her  teeth  and  forces  a  slight  grin,  "  i  want  to  see  and  hear  about  this  vaccine  you  guys  have.  "  okay  ,  maybe  she  was  being  a  little  bit  brutal.  but  it  had  been  a  long  while  since  mireya  had  seen  something  living  --  something  human.  so  far  it  had  been  nothing  but  the  dead  or  undead.  she  didn't  take  too  kindly  to  having  someone  be  aggressive  to  her  right  off  the  bat.  then  again  ,  she  wasn't  any  better.  her  hand  reaches  up  to  her  shoulder  and  gently  but  assertively  taps  the  special  forces  insignia.  mireya  was  a  medic.  maybe  they  had  one  already  but  she  was  the  best  of  the  best  (  or  at  least  ,  thats  what  they  called  people  like  her  ).  

silence  could  only  be  tolerated  for  so  long.  when  she  heard  a  response  on  the  radio  ,  it  was  like  a  breath  of  fresh  air.  daxa  didn’t  think  it  would  ever  happening  considering  she  hadn’t  really  interacted  with  the  outside  world  in  forever.  but  whoever  this  mysterious  voice  was  on  the  radio  ,  they’d  grown  close  ,  enough  that  he  wanted  to  meet  her.  [  ILL  COME  GET  YOU  ,  WHERE  ARE  YOU?  ]  it  was  unexpected  —  but  not  unwelcome.  “  cool  it  ,  turbo.  i  appreciate  how  eager  you  are  to  see  me  —  but  its  an  almost  five  hour  drive  to  get  here.  you  risk  getting  infected  or  killed  and  i  couldn’t  live  with  that.  ”  her  voice  is  soft  over  the  radio  ,  melancholic.  she  places  her  head  down  on  the  desk  she’d  been  sitting  at  with  a  sigh.  fuck.  she  didn’t  want  to  hurt  his  feelings  but  she  really  didn’t  want  to  be  the  reason  why  he  didn’t  end  up  coming  back  home.

❛  you don’t have to stand at the doorway - if you have bad news i’d rather hear it quickly rather than listen to the sound of your teeth scraping together from outside ...  ❜   lithe fingers once damp now reach for a freshly sharpened pencil , a nervous sort of routine as the pink eraser end bounces erratically against her desk. eyes tinged by exhaustion looking upwards to where he stands - only half expectant , any hope that once danced within them drained away by overwhelming anxiety that’s become a solid and heavy part of her every waking moment.   ❛  i’d ask how it is out there but i know they’re only five clicks away. can’t be all that great. ❜

     both girls dance barefeet in the grass, spinning around in circles and thaia giggling at the way octavia is dancing when they notice nelson coming out onto the deck. “ daddy! ” thaia screams, motioning for him to join them in the rain. there’s so many times octavia’s felt like she’s simply mimicking the parenting skills she’d seen first hand from her brother. after all he’d raised her growing up but especially in the beginning. it was all octavia had as a guide and now? octavia’s found her own rhythm as thaia’s mom. found a new sense of calm in it that allows moments like these to be the core of thaia’s childhood.     perhaps it’s a lie to think that nelson and her have it all figured out but they’re trying & they’ve come this far with thaia almost ready to start school. octavia had hardly been able to imagine making it to thaia’s second birthday and first without bellamy & gina. but now they’ve surpassed to four and she can’t imagine her life without either of these two.     octavia’s hand stretches out to nelson, a wide smile that lights her features as the three move about in the raining. enjoying life together. as a family. thaia lets go of her parents hands, twirling around before running to slide across the back lawn. that’s when octavia’s dancing with nelson slows, but they remain moving together. leave it to nelson to really know how to dance. her gaze shifts from thaia to jeremy and octavia can’t help the way she closes their small distance, pressing a kiss to his lips. they’ve had rules before. things to ensure nothing complicates them but...this is her family. all hers. 

   it’s not fair. any of it and octavia’s not sure she’s strong enough to do this again. where is she supposed to go after he’s turned? what is she supposed to do after he’s dead because she won’t let him roam like that. or perhaps he won’t. this isn’t supposed to happen. when she’d be assigned his unit, octavia never could have dreamt the horrors they’d witness and commit along the way. no, she’d imagined routine until the zombies broke out. now he wants to get her somewhere safe ( he’s always done that ) and away from him.       though she tries, octavia can’t stop the tears that well up in her eyes, roughly brushing them away when they fall. fuck. she can’t do this again. she’s just supposed to be a journalist. “ no... there’s has to be something, nelson. ” he doesn’t want her to argue but octavia doesn’t know another way. only to fight, fight because if they don’t, he dies.        her mind races with thoughts, anything that might be useful but all she can picture is his smile. the way his laugh sounds with the team. the way he looks at her, calls her things like love. & in a matter of hours that person would cease to exist? eyes search his face as she pulls her bottom lip between teeth, fingers tightening her grip on his uniform that covers his arms. “ i’m not going to survive this one. ” not without him. her head shakes, honesty falling from her lips.