#sparklingdocta

“It was brave of you to fight them beside us,” Leela whispers.

“It was necessary.”

“You could have stayed in the tunnels.”

“I told you.” Now his own voice is quiet. He’s too aware of how alone they are, how delicate this moment feels. “I’m staying by your side. If the Daleks had gotten you —”

“They did not.”

“But if they had—”

Narvin flinches when she grabs his wrists and then freezes — because Leela’s mouth is suddenly pressed to his, soft and warm.

She lingers for a moment. His heartsbeat skyrockets; he’s going to tremble out of his skin — but before Narvin can move, react, something, Leela pulls away and it’s over.

“Er,” Narvin chokes out.

“You are sweet, to worry. And you are kind, to want to protect your friends.”

Leela’s still holding his hands, and Narvin fears that she’s going to let go, so he squeezes them tight.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he manages hoarsely.

Leela lets out a noise that might be a laugh. “Did you really miss me that much?”

“Yes,” Narvin says, too quick, and is once again glad for the cover of darkness to hide his burning cheeks. “I did.”

Leela is silent for a long moment, long enough for Narvin to replay the sensation of her lips on his, to wish she would do it again, to wonder how she’d react if he leaned in.

“I missed you too,” she says, quietly, and Narvin exhales, shaky.

“Oh.”

She chuckles. “All your big words, and that is the only thing you can say?”

“You’re making it rather difficult to think right now.”

“Am I?” Leela sounds amused, delighted. She steps closer, sliding her hands up his arms until they rest on his shoulders and leans in to whisper against his ear. “Why is that?”

“You know why.”

“Mmm.” Leela doesn’t move, and Narvin has the abrupt realization that she’s waiting — waiting for what he doesn’t know, but he’s suddenly afraid of failing a test, of disappointing her. The shock and joy on her face when he stayed on her side of the door is still etched in his mind. He thinks he’d do a lot of ridiculous things to see that look again and is vaguely alarmed about what that says about him.

But not alarmed enough to stop himself from leaning his head forward to brush his cheek against hers. Leela sighs, sliding her arms around his neck, and Narvin dares to brush his mouth against her cheek. Her skin is soft and blazing warm — alien and familiar at the same time. He’s kissing down her jaw before his conscious mind catches up to impulse, and then her mouth is on his again, and he’s kissing her with the desperate fear of someone who came so close to dying today — or worse, losing the only people he cares about.

Leela’s here. Stubborn and ferocious and here, after so long beyond the Citadel, out of sight and out of reach. She’s here and she’s pushing him against the tunnel wall and kissing him until she’s gasping for air, and Rassilon, he can’t believe this is happening.

This time, when Leela pulls away, Narvin can’t spare the energy for a coherent thought. He runs his thumb down her cheek, mapping the shape of her face as if mere memorization can stop her from disappearing on him again.

“The portal,” Leela whispers, jolting him out of whatever daze she’s left him in.

“Right. Yes!” Narvin clears his throat. “The portal.”

Making Out Is Not a Healthy Coping Mechanism

I love exploring time gaps in Romana and Narvin’s relationship (that nine month gap between Forever and Emancipation where they’re on their own as President and Chancellor! that Enemy Lines to Time War gap where they clearly build a really great partnership in the CIA together!), but one of the gaps I haven’t written a fic about yet is the time between The Devil You Know and Desperate Measures (I’ve referenced that time frame in my Time War 3 fic, but I haven’t actually Gotten Into It).

Because the ending of The Devil You Know is extremely tense, and we never really see that immediate interpersonal fallout? So I want to write something set in this time frame, when they’re both stressed and terrified for Leela, but they can’t really lean on each other because Narvin’s angry at Romana for pushing for the mission and Romana’s blaming herself for pushing for the mission (“What have I done?”), but they’re both putting up a We Have a Job To Do front and pretending they’re okay at work and.....yeah.

There’s also been a certain degree of unspoken romantic attraction between them for a while (perhaps they haven’t even admitted it to themselves) because navigating their professional and personal relationship is complicated enough as it is without introducing another element. Also they’re both very good at “let’s shove feelings down and not talk about them.” (I have so many takes on Romana and Narvin’s relationship, but during Time War I get such simultaneous “old married couple” and “haven’t actually admitted to feelings” vibes from them, and I want to write about that.) 

So they’re both very isolated and hurting in their own ways and there’s this background unaddressed Thing between them, and eventually everything just comes to a head. And I haven’t actually written this fic yet, I just have notes and keep playing through this scene in my head in different ways, so I don’t know the details about what will happen? Not sure if there’s going to be a proper fight, if they’re actually going to get into the blame question around Leela’s disappearance, not sure how much of that grief they’re actually going to show? 

The bottom line is: they end up crossing paths in Leela’s rooms (where they both occasionally go to have an emotional breakdown), they’re exhausted and every emotional boundary they need to keep up because they work together is crumbling away, and they end up kissing. But it’s not exactly a positive development, more of a “this is easier than talking” sort of thing. Also I haven’t decided what their exact relationships with Leela were (in the context of this fic), but either they were each in a relationship with Leela or they each have feelings for Leela but never admitted it? But regardless, they both Know that the other has feelings for Leela, and so there’s an added dynamic of them both thinking “obviously this means nothing to you because it’s not me you’re interested in, and you’re only doing this because you’re missing her, and so obviously I’m going to pretend it means nothing to me, too.” So it’s just poor communication bad times all around!

I don’t actually know how/if this resolves? I don’t think they’d have a proper conversation at this point in the audios, but I’m not sure if I’m just going to end this fic on “welp that happened” or if there’s going to be some kind of emotional shift/release of tension somehow? (There will probably need to be because their relationship in Desperate Measures and TW2 is quite good overall, so I probably won’t leave things in this tense place?) But again, this fic isn’t written yet, so everything is pretty up in the air. 

Aro Solidarity: That Platonic Fake Married Fic

Arguably, this is more of a concept than an actual wip, but even though I may never actually write it, I do love it dearly? 

I’ve been wanting to write something with aromantic Romana for a while - and this might sound strange coming from me, aka someone who’s written a variety of shippy Romana fic and can very easily interpret her feelings and relationships with other characters as romantic, but I so often have multiple contradictory headcanons for characters that live in different pockets of my brainspace. 

My aro Romana thoughts are mainly fueled by series 4, because whenever marriage/romance comes up around alternate versions of herself, she’s always fairly surprised and baffled and gives the impression that it’s not something she’s ever considered? And in general, she’s kinda awkward and uncomfortable whenever there’s flirting happening (which could just be the circumstances or her personality, but could also be interpreted as her not clicking with romantic gestures). And of course while fandom ships her with many characters in the dw universe, she’s never stated to be romantically interested in anyone (well. I suppose that depends on your thoughts about how canon the Prime computer ads are, but putting that aside.......). Not that there has to be overt evidence for headcanons, but I do think there’s a solid canon-based argument for aro Romana, you know? 

And part of me really likes the interpreting Romana’s friendships as totally platonic because the intense Friendship-as-Love-Story journey is there already, that’s what the audios are giving us! And I don’t really see that kind of centering of deep, spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you friendship in media and it’s so good! (Related point (I know I say this a lot, but it bears repeating): I do very much ship the ot3, but am also very much into reading all of the main trio’s relationships as totally platonic – and I never actually want those relationships to be romantic in the audios themselves.) And I’ve had Thoughts for a while about how for Romana the big important line is between professional and personal relationships, and whether the personal relationship is romantic or platonic is probably less significant. So I could see her as someone who either doesn’t experience romantic attraction at all or just doesn’t distinguish between romantic and platonic attraction. What’s important is the distinction between professional relationships and intimate personal relationships – separating out the nature of that personal intimacy isn’t really something she does?

So anyways, I’ve been wanting to write something that explores Romana being aromantic, but for a while, I didn’t really have a vision for what kind of fic I wanted to write? 

Separately, I’ve had the “platonic fake married” idea kicking around in my head for a while. The “post-Enemy Lines” time period is so fascinating to me when it comes to Romana and Narvin’s relationship because somehow they go from “Romana’s just swooped in and taken Narvin’s job that he’s worked hard for his entire life” to the genuinely solid friendship and team dynamic we see in the Time War audios? So I’m fascinated by that journey from things probably being very emotionally fraught and a lot of tension and stepping on each others’ toes to working really well together. And somehow, at some point, my brain went: what if new CIA Coordinator Romana and Deputy Coordinator Narvin who aren’t getting along very well accidentally end up in an off-world situation where they have to pretend to be married? (My brain also went: I’m not sure I could handle writing the secondhand embarrassment of this situation, but also I’m very into the idea of a Narvin & Romana platonic fake married fic that ends up functioning as a “how do we save our friendship?” story.)

And then more recently, I realized I also really wanted to write something with aromantic Narvin. There aren’t necessarily specific moments fueling this headcanon (as much as with Romana), but it definitely comes from a similar “I really like interpreting Narvin’s friendships as totally platonic because the intense Friendship-as-Love-Story journey is there already!” place. 

You know that “I have feelings for you” / “The feeling was “friendship” but neither had ever experienced it” quote? Yeah, that pretty accurately captures my thought process when it comes to aro Narvin. He genuinely doesn’t seem to have experienced friendship before Romana and Leela, so it’s very plausible to me that he assumed he was experiencing romantic attraction at some point but nope, he just really loves his friends and is experiencing really intense platonic affection for the first time. (This is also me going ‘I know this is a wildly unpopular opinion, but I’m totally down to interpret Erasure as platonic.’)

Anyways, at some point recently all three things fused together in my brain, and I went: what if new CIA Coordinator Romana and Deputy Coordinator Narvin who aren’t getting along very well end up in a situation where they have to pretend to be married.....and also they’re both aromantic? Writing a fic like this feels like an excellent opportunity to actually sit down and have a think about ‘what are the cultural associations and expectations around romance on Gallifrey?’ (‘what does being aromantic mean by Gallifreyan standards?’) And ‘what are romantic associations and expectations on whatever planet they’re on?’ And the potential bonding experience of two aromantic people trying to navigate those layers of expectation, while also grappling with the interpersonal tension in their friendship and slowly learning to communicate better in the process....this is a very interesting story to me!

No, I have not actually figured out the details of the off-world diplomatic situation/mission they would accidentally end up in that would require this, and thus I probably won’t get around to it for a while. Also this would probably be a longfic and I’m trying to stick to a ‘one big project at a time!’ rule, and my current big project is the post-Time War fic, and then fantasy au has been waiting its turn for so long (and actually has, y’know, plot points). But I simply love this concept, and so I’m keeping the doc in case I maybe figure out a way to keep the fic short, or get a particularly good idea and decide that I really want to write it? (But also – if someone else wants to run with this concept, please do!)