Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Bleed Me Dry, Pray My Beating Heart Be Still {Self-Para}
There was a familiar sensation burning in the pit of his stomach, a familiar sensation that he wanted gone. He'd promised Jafar, even though many would argue that meant nothing now, but he had to keep one promise, if that was all he could possibly do, that's all he'd do, keep this one promise. Even so, his fingers brushed lightly over the mostly healed scars on his arm as he laid dormant under all his covers. Wally may or may not still have been in the room, he couldn't bring himself to look. He hoped the boy had gone to Jafar's side, instead of staying with him. Even if he'd said that he wasn't going to pick sides, he hoped Wally would pick Jafar's. He didn't feel like he deserved Wally on his side.
What had started out as the best change in his life, was quickly becoming his own personal hell. If he had just stayed out of Huey's plan, if he had just kept to himself, he'd still be back in California. He'd still be pining after Joyce helplessly, he'd still be trying to do right by his father. He wouldn't be in this position. He wouldn't be sitting here, under all his covers, Batman blanket hugged tightly to him like he was a little boy all over again, his thoughts eating him alive.
"I bet you're disappointed now, Mamma." He let out in a pained whisper, his eyes still leaking tears as he sat there. Things had been looking so bright, he had Wally, he had Max, he had Boo, he had Flounder who finally understood him the way he needed to be understood, who didn't question a single detail about him, and he had Jafar. But in a flash all of it seemed to be gone. He hadn't broken Wally's heart, but he wasn't going to let Wally be on both of their sides, he didn't deserve Wally on his side. He hadn't torn Max's heart out of his chest, but it was only a matter of time before he did something. He hadn't hurt Boo, but how could he let her be around him? He was a ticking time bomb, and she couldn't be in the vicinity.
He'd kissed Flounder, and he wanted to spend forever feeling the way that the boy made him feel. He made him feel like for once he could do something right, something worth someone. But he couldn't deny the way his heart cooed whenever he thought of Jafar. He couldn't deny that he wanted to do his best to be something good in Jafar's life.
But he'd probably blown all chances with both of them now, and maybe that was for the better. Maybe he was meant to end up alone and heart-broken. Maybe Jafar had been right that first day. He let a sigh escape his lips, hoping the gentle push of pressure out of his chest would relieve the slow ache of his heart, but it only fanned the flame, bringing it back with such intensity that Louie felt his chest might actually catch fire. Before he could even think of his actions, his fingers were lifting his phone to his ear and he prayed that the man would pick up.
"Louie, I still have no words for you."
"I wanna come home." Louie's voice cracked under the pain and he tried to stay quiet just in case Wally was in fact still in their room.
"Lou...I..."
"Please, dad. You can send me to some fancy private school there, or some other place, you can do your best to get rid of the gay, I just wanna come home. I don't wanna be here anymore. I can't be here anymore..."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?!"
"Because..."
"Just say it..."
"Because I can't look you in the eye and know that you're gay. I just can't Louie. Being there is better for you."
"That's not all."
"What else do you want me to say, Lou? You're still my son, I don't want to hurt you more than you already are..."
"Tell me how much of a disappointment I am, to you, to this family..."
"Louie, you're not..."
"Don't say that. I've heard the things you say to Janey when you think I'm not listening dad. I just...please just say it."
"Why?"
"Because it's true, so you might as well just fucking say it to me!"
"I'm not doing this with you, goodbye, Lou."
Before he could even utter another word, his father was gone, disconnected from the call, and Louie felt the world in its complete entirety collapse on top of him. He had to get out, leave this fucking room before he suffocated. With his Batman blanket still hugged to him he rushed out of the room, no specific place in mind as he walked.
He didn't stop until he was lost somewhere in the middle of town, people shooting him weird looks, and some worried as if he was a bomb, ready to explode and blow them all to pieces. But he just finished the distance to the park before collapsing to the ground, his heart still aching painfully in his chest. He'd barely known Flounder for two weeks, and Jafar for a little over that time, and yet he still....he.
He couldn't say it, not even to himself, he couldn't admit the extent of his feelings. He couldn't admit how pathetic he was, because he loved them both, in such different ways.
"It should have been me, Mamma. Then maybe I could keep this from happening, I could keep them both safe from me. You always said I had the biggest heart of anyone you knew, but how could that be true, if I've just managed to rip the hearts two people I love the most out of their chests? People who have big, kind hearts don't just do that. Especially not to the ones they love. I should let them go, shouldn't I? I should let them find true happiness. Good love. I can't offer either of that to them, can I? If I could I would only love one of them. But I can't. I just can't. I don't wanna see anyone else hold onto Flounder, I want to be the one that protects him, and loves him, and takes him places that he really wants to visit. But I can't think of not having Jafar, I can't fathom not being called an idiot by him, I know that sounds dumb, but I. He's so frustrating, and I feel like I need to be some variation of myself, but I love him. I love them both, too much for any of our own good."
He never expected his mother to reply when he did this, but he'd never wanted her to more than in this moment.
"It doesn't matter anymore. Jafar will never look at me again, and Flounder will probably never even come within 40 feet of me again. I did this to myself, I deserve to be left without either of them..."
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me." Louie glanced up at the cop, almost laughing at how perfect it was that this was happening.
"What did I do?" He breathed, standing up and following the cop to his car. "You're scaring the people, they're afraid you're gonna hurt someone, or yourself." He replied, opening the door for Louie, who slid in without another word.
"So where to?"
"Aren't you taking me to jail or some mental hospital or something?" Louie sighed, his eyes staring out the window, he couldn't bring himself to care that he was in the back of a cop car, or that people had actually thought he was going to be a harm to them. Well, maybe they weren't wrong, he'd hurt two people tonight already, what's to say he wasn't gonna hurt someone else?
"No, just taking you home. Where would that be?"
"I don't have a home. My father hates me, and you know how they say a person can be your home? Mine is somewhere, probably working on forgetting I ever existed..." Louie trailed off, slumping further against the car seat, hugging his Batman blanket tighter to him.
"Rough night?"
"Rough life. Just take me to jail or something. I'd rather spend the night there. Submit me to a mental hospital if you think it's better, I don't care anymore."
"It'll get better."
"Before it gets worse again."
The car pulled off to the side of the road, and the cop shifted to look at him, a sympathetic look in his eyes.
"Want to talk?"
"No."
"That's a lie."
So he did, he unloaded all his feelings on a complete stranger until his body was shaking from newly found sobs and the new, stronger desire to hurt himself.
"I'm not saying they're still gonna want you, but you have to try. Not to get both of them back, and I don't want to hurt you more, but I don't think you can have both in your life anymore. But you have to try to get one of them back. Because you'll regret it if you don't. Which makes you the Louie you want to be?"
Louie didn't have a response, mostly because he couldn't get any words through his trembling lips, so he sat there in silence for a long time. He needed a sign, god knows the boy needed some sort of hope for something, something good.
"Walt."
"What?"
"That's where you need to take me."
And he did, and even though Louie could barely walk, or speak, or think, somehow he made it back to his room, and just as he sunk back into his mattress, there was a knock at his door.
