#sosl

I lost my best friend on April 13th, 2016. I was fifteen and she was sixteen.

I love telling others how amazing and special Olivia was. She had a beautiful, gentle soul. She taught me so much about compassion and empathy. She taught me how to appreciate the little things. She taught me the importance of childhood. She taught me to laugh things off. She showed me what bravery looked like. She showed me what beauty looked like. She taught me to go after the things I wanted, no matter what others would say. She helped me through the lowest points of my life, and was there to celebrate the highs.

She supported me in every way a friend could. She taught me to appreciate animals and nature. She taught me about sensitivity. She taught me about trust, and trusted me with everything; every little secret, every little story. And in return, she let me confide and find trust in her. She showed me warmth and care. She showed me how to understand others’ struggles. She taught me about friendship. She taught me about love. She taught me about passion. She taught me that you could never go wrong with a little kindness. She said my name like it was her favorite word, and she hugged me with so much love, I think my soul could feel it.

I miss our morning walks with our friend Adriana in the morning before class. Steamy coffee in one hand, books in the other, the three of us would make circles around the school, talking about everything, and laughing too much for the early morning lull. It feels strange to not wait for Olivia at her locker. I miss the way she would greet me. I notice the empty chair when all our friends hang out, and I miss seeing her shining smile, and her adorable laugh when one of us would make a stupid joke. I miss playing Paranoid with her (she was always the best at it), and I miss having her around at sleep overs. I miss the way she would laugh and roll her eyes when she tried to teach me to knit, and how my fingers were not nearly as nimble as hers were. I miss the way she would always carry around, in her back pack, a short story I wrote for her; she said she’d read it when she felt alone. I miss swimming in Adriana’s pool with all our friends, blasting the speakers, and watching Liv pretend not to like the crazy party music that we were playing. I miss kayaking, and the uneasy way we would balance two people meant to fit one. I miss watching American Horror Story and covering her eyes at the scariest parts, even though she could stomach horror movies way better than I could.

I miss sharing books and quotes with her. I miss our long talks on her back porch while it was raining, as if the gloom of the sky couldn’t make you anything but honest. I miss the way she could always tell when something was wrong, and I miss the reassuring way she’d say it was all going to be okay. I miss our phone conversations that lasted for hours, and left me smiling afterwards. I miss going to the Escape Room, and watching as her and our friend Carly put all the clues together, while the rest of us pretended to understand what was going on. I miss sitting in the branches of her favorite tree by the beach, and looking out at the lake. I miss our inside jokes, and our nicknames, and our secret places. I miss our friend group being full. I miss her kindness, and love. I simply miss Olivia. I miss her so much.

I am so lucky to be able to call this girl my best friend. I will always hold our memories so close to my heart. I adore Olivia, and I love her so much. Her death impacted my life beyond compare, but I know she would want me to be strong. Despite her suicide, she is still the bravest person I’ve ever known. She was made of courageous and strength and kindness and love. Absolute love.

Rest in peace, beautiful girl. You don’t have to suffer anymore.

13.08.2024 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 20 AO3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Chapter 20: Escape: Plan B

Astarion shuddered. It was a true wonder of the gods he didn’t vomit all over Cazador’s finely polished boots.

The order no longer grated against his mind like a repeating ballad from a talentless bard. The writhing and squeaking mass of fur in the trap was proof enough to consider Cazador’s command fulfilled. All he had to do was take the rats back up to the kitchen and yet…

Cazador bid him to hunt vermin, but he never specified where…

20.06.2024 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 19 Ao3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Chapter 19: Escape: Plan A

In his short, by elven standards, life Astarion had never been a deep trancer. He’d also never been an uneasy trancer. He rested easily, never resurfacing and re-diving into his past all night like a heron chasing minnows in a stream.

So when he was reeled from the pool of his memories like a hooked trout his first blurry thought was what could have woken him. His second much sharper thought was why in the hells Dalyria was standing over him.

9.06.2024 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 18 Ao3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Chapter 18: A Terminal Diagnosis

Ten minutes elbow deep into a cadaver, Dalyria came to the conclusion there were worse ways to go than exsanguination.

The body, peeled apart on her lab bench, had nearly met its end many times. The details of exactly how were revealed as she unwound sinew and tissue like a puzzle. Every scalpel slice was one cut closer to the corpse spilling its secrets to her.

As a warm up, Dalyria had started with the cadaver’s arm. She peeled back the skin and muscle to reveal spongy-looking callouses on the radial bone indicating a long-healed fracture. Likely sustained before the growth plates had fused. An injury she would categorise as occurring beyond infant years but before adolescence. The corpse was an adult man but he’d been lucky to make it this far, with the break narrowly missing puncturing the radial artery. A quick anatomy sketch of the finding made its way into her diary with a spider-script scrawl on where such a break could be used to kill.  

20.04.2024 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 17 Ao3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Excerpt:

“I spy something beginning with V,” said Aurelia in a softer voice than usual. 

This guessing game really was scraping the barrel for entertainment. 

Astarion let his eyes peruse what their cells had to offer. They’d already gotten through ‘cell’, ‘bucket’, ‘torch’, ‘stone’ and ‘bars’. A round or two more and they really would run out of things. Then they’d have to find something else to entertain themselves with. Or sit in silence hoping the Lord of the castle would come and release them. That could be in a few hours, or a few days. Astarion tried not to think it through too much. Then there really would be nothing to stop him from screaming until his vocal chords snapped. 

06.04.2024 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 16 Ao3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Excerpt:

“Oh child. Do you not see how wretched you become without me? How you have crumbled at the first hurdle without my hand to guide you?”

With his knees suddenly deciding their time here was done Astarion let himself collapse into his sire’s embrace. “Please forgive me. I can’t do this without you.”

Through his tears Astarion felt a thumb stroke across his cheekbone, the claw tip seductively close to the jelly of his eye.

“Of course you can’t. No spawn can and to think otherwise is tantamount to sacrilege and yet…I am merciful” breathed Cazador, so close to his face Astarion’s nostrils were filled with iron and death.

30.3.24 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 15 AO3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Excerpt:

Astarion let frustration bleed into his next words: “Thief or not, you are aware you’ve ambled into a den of vampires with an otherwise useless silver weapon, dear? Rather convenient wouldn’t you say?”

The tiefling woman looked down slowly at the festering bite wounds on her shoulders and arms and then back to him with a withering expression that was quite impressive for someone so battered. “Vampires? What, no ?”

8.3.24 Sovereign of Summers Lost Chapter 14 AO3

18+ Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion Origin fanfiction.

Excerpt:

Dalyria must have some kind of umbrella against his causticity because his jab, like so many others he threw at her, missed her notice entirely.

“You were a magistrate weren’t you? Someone with actual power to make a difference. You should consider going back. It would be fantastic to have you in a position where you can actually do some good, for people who need our help.”

“Help” he repeated flatly.

“Yes, help. We’re never going to die of sickness or old age. What were your plans for undeath, lay about a palace reading and drinking wine?”