#sorta vent post

i’m not healthy enough to interact with people. i’m not healthy enough to be left alone. i’m not healthy enough to be like this.

It isn’t negative. It doesn’t feel like I deserve death. It’s just… weird. Like I’m watching my life without a say in it. A viewer watching a screen, more than a participant. I watch things happen, and mistakes be made, and I think “You shouldn’t do that.”, and it happens anyways, because I can’t change the way the film goes. But I can, can’t I? So why can’t I?

it’s weird. part of me wants to forget everything, and float away into nothingness. part of me wants nothing more to remember. part of me wants to be mourned. part of me wants to be forgotten about. it’s weird.

i don’t want to want to die

nothing feels like anything

i don’t want to be here any more please

please just kill me