#sorryimcrazy

#sorrynotsorry #sorryimcrazy #donthatemecauseyouaintme #dontjudgeabookbyitscover #bringiton #dontgivenofucks (at Watertown, New York)

This about sums up what its like to live with #mentalillness #idontlikepeople #ptsdsucks #socialanxiety #sorryimcrazy #noimnotsorry #gottahaveasenseofhumor (at Planet Earth)

Haven't I been told countless times to trust only myself?  "Like everyone, but trust no one" (Lauren Conrad)  "Don't put your happiness in other people's hands. They'll drop it. They'll drop it every time." (C.Barzak) "Act like you trust people, but don't" (Volitaire) But here I am, letting these smile-encrusted walls dissolve anyway.  You haven't proven my fears right even a little.  But still I am helpless against these waves of irrational terror that assault my frail soul when I look at you and realize you know how crazy I really am.  The weight of my own insecurity ties me down to the shore in its vise grip while simultaneously urging me to run, run, run, run away, to build up and close off, to take all of it back,  to retract every sobbing phone call and midnight conversation.  It would be child's play for you to stop me into pieces like bubble wrap.  To tear me up like an old newspaper,  gazing on at the feathery chunks floating back down to the tired earth one by one as waves of judgey, icy air emanating from the masses pummel my trembling fragments until naught remains of a "good girl" but inky dust. There is also the distinct possibility that I am that annoying clingy friend and you are exhausted by my constant presence.  Oh, God.  Why did I let one person have so many secrets?  Why did I give you all my darkest pieces? I guess we give other people our black parts in hopes they will shine a light through them. And you, my dear, burn brighter than a thousand cliche metaphors for the sun.  Am I so wrong to hunger for a bit of dawn?

Thanks for the input!