#sophilotl

Links to stuff if yall want

So much of my life has revolved around Avid for the past… 2 years I think? Yeah. About two years. I've done pretty much everything I enjoy doing either watching his videos, his streams, or listening to his music. I played minecraft while watching streams. It's now painful to do normal things like chop trees or mine because that's what I did whilst listening. Diamond dotz and perler beads. Not only did I listen to his streams and music but I also made several avid skins out of perler beads. I don't know what to do with them Even playing the piano. I memorized cloudless on it and now every time I sit down to play I think of listening to it and making a piano version I fell asleep listening to his music. 'Good Morning' was my alarm since it was released. Now… I feel empty. As if I'm missing something. …I sound like i've been through a breakup. I kind of feel like it. He was a part of my life for so long - as a youtuber of course. But… he was there when the people I know irl weren't. I thought he understood. That he cared. No. I'm just a number to him. A viewer giving him money. I'll admit that about a month ago his streams just started feeling uncomfortable. I blamed myself. I was worried that my family's homophobia was rubbing off on me. (Well, enbyphobia in this case.) I felt like a horrible person. Now I know it's just that I unconciously knew something was off. I feel as if I was lost in a dark forest. When the truth came out about Avid I finally reached a clearing of the trees. The relief was surprising. I'm still lost. It's still dark. But I'm not surrounded by dark shadows. I can see any danger coming. Little did I know that the darkness hid a ravine. Now I'm plummeting.