In the past 2 months our church has experienced 7 deaths. 5 just this year alone (It’s not even February yet). We’ve held 5 funerals since January and have 2 more coming up.
In this season there are a lot of questions and not quite as many answers. Is God trying to communicate something to us? Is this some sort of testing for our church? Where is the goodness of God in our suffering?
But my wise friend @mailakue once wrote this and it makes a whole lot of sense in this season :
“Sometimes God delays giving answers because He’s teaching you how to ask the right questions. I’ve learned that asking one relevant question can in itself bring more clarity than if God were to immediately answer a million irrelevant questions for that season.”
So then the question remains, “God, what do you want to do in our hearts, in our church, and in our community in this season?”
And from that question God has opened my eyes to see this:
I see greater unity. I see genuine love for one another. I see, I am learning, and I am experiencing praise which ascribes such great worth to a God who not only gives but also takes away. I see repentance and prayer movements. I see revival in hearts. I see lost sheep returning to their good shepherd. I see people taking the opportunity to share the gospel and even more do display the love of Jesus. I see lives being transformed. But most amazing of all, I see Jesus.
I’m not saying that God allowed suffering and hardship for a few so that we could gain something. No. I believe that God is sovereignly using what the enemy planned to use, since sin entered the world, to take us down.
He’s declaring now that He is good – whether life is given or taken away. He is declaring that His sovereignty surpasses our understanding. We had previously worshipped and known, seen and experienced, a God of power. A God who heals the hurting, the wounded, and the disabled. Now we see and experience the goodness of God in suffering, who gives us the same power to endure. The same grace and power that heals the sick, is the same grace and power that helps us to endure suffering well. And in that, we will worship in spirit and in truth.
This is why the gospel needs to be preached.
Kou was one of our young adults who passed away. He was the only son to his Mom. Kou’s dad passed away when he was young and his mom doesn’t speak any english, which meant that Kou was basically his mom’s guardian. While in the hospital Kou was in the ICU and barely conscious.
Before Kou was getting ready to be transferred to a larger hospital, Kou woke up and clearly told his Mom this (translated from Hmong),
“Mom, I’m going to be with the Lord soon. Jesus is coming for me. Don’t worry about me because I am going to a good place. Remain strong in your faith and never lose hope.”
While he was in and out of consciousness Kou went on to tell his mom that he could hear trumpets. An hour later Kou passed away.
This past weekend we held his funeral. While we were in the middle of praise I heard God whisper to me, “This, Grace, is why the gospel needs to be preached.” And I wept, not only because I was so angry at sin, death, and pain – but because the kindness, love and grace of God brings me to repentance and to a place where I am entrusted with such a powerful gospel message.
My Dad gave a sermon illustration on Sunday on the favor of God. He illustrated how God was with Joseph had favor with God and therefore Joseph succeeded in all he did. Yet receiving favor at such a young age, it was his suffering and endurance that led to and understanding of God’s unmerited favor and built his character. And if that wasn’t enough, Jesus was the most favored Son of all eternity, and yet he suffered the worst death for all of us. Favor is not what it seems in the upside down kingdom of God. But praise be to God for we have sufficient grace in Jesus to endure all suffering well.
This post is not one to boast in our church. If anything, I say this to testify and boast in a God who brings hope to the hopeless, strength to the weary, and grace to orphans-turned-children who never deserved it. Without his grace many would have already left out of fear, because of his grace, many are now entering into the kingdom of God. We can therefore stand assured to say, it has been not of our strength, and all of Him.
I honestly still have a lot of questions, I don’t have it all figured out and I still don’t have a solid theology on suffering and death. But this I am assured of: God always is, has been, and will always be good. He will be faithful to all of his promises. Promises that he is with us, to the end the age. That we will one day see all our loved ones again. But best of all the promise that one day we see Him face to face.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
