#sometimesbrilliant

a year. 

a year and we're getting married, planning our lives, planning our future. 

a year that'll seem like nothing in ten, thirty, fifty years when i'll be able to wake up on july 14th, 2063 and say "happy anniversary, baby girl" and know absolutely nothing between us has changed. know that we only ever grow to love each other more, discover and create new things about ourselves and about us every day; know that i'll never really be alone no matter what because she's always with me, she's part of me, the limb i never knew i was missing, the heartbeat i never realized i skipped.

a year of laughter, love, joy (which she created, which she was genesis of); a year of too familiar hurt, sadness, tears (which she soothed, which she picked me up, carried me through)-- that it's been a year, only a year terrifies me, because it feels like a lifetime. like i've known her my lifetime except maybe it's more that i feel like my lifetime is the year i've spent with her, that everything up until now was just a prologue and here, now, finally we've gotten into the main story. now things are finally getting somewhere, finally mean something. 

because of her. because she's sweet and she's so kind and she's beautiful, because she's so good to me. she makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me scream in fictional-character-induced agony, makes me understand myself and understand everything more than i ever expected i would-could. she's my goddess, my angel, my religion, sun in my morning and stars in my nighttime. other half of my heart, other half of my soul. everything. she's everything to me. 

a month and six days and i get to pull her into my arms, feel her, taste her again and know that once i hold her, i never have to let her go again. a month and six days and i won't have to go to bed and feel empty, feel like i want to cry because she isn't with me because she'll always be with me and that's the most extraordinary gift i could ever receive.

i'm good with words but she makes me tongue-tied so this is all just early-morning rambling, and i'm sorry for that. 

i love you, baby girl. i love you with all of me, the parts i always knew were there and the parts you helped me uncover. i love you now and i'll love you always and i loved you when you were just a dream, an idea, something i chased but never thought i'd ever capture for myself. i loved you a hundred lifetimes ago and i'll love you in ash and dust and old photographs, in ten million kisses and more. 

i love you, i love you, i love you.