How Many are Here with Me?
I’m pushing 50. I don’t consider that very old. I’m a geriatric nurse in a first world white middle class society. People aren’t old until their 80+ in this setting. But I don’t want to talk about first world problems (are they really that bad?) or discrimination (it’s rampant!) or even health care (I got lots of opinions here). I want to talk about love.
I’ve lived 50 years and been so blessed. My momma and daddy love me. I have no doubt. I have a baby bro who loves me in his own way. He’s a tough guy ya know. I have a baby sis who is one of my best friends. I have great kids that I am close to, yes each and every one of them. I have grandbabies even, that love their Wehna (that’s their name for me). I am more blessed than a large portion of humans in the love department. I know this is true and I didn’t even get into the extended family, and there’s lots of them too!
I want to talk about love for that special person and the reciprocating love they give back. I’ve not experienced that. I was married for 24 years. Certainly he said he loved me but really we had a baby, then another, then another. We were raising kids. He needed me and I needed him to give the kids their best lives. I did love him at one time. I did the whole love thing. I would’ve died for him. I did my best to read him an give him what he needed. One day though, a long time ago I realized the only reason he was with me was he needed me. He needed me to be there and I was; therefore, he loved me. I’m not sure he realized it and I’m not here to bash him. That’s not the point either. I’m here to ask:
What’s it like to have someone love you not because they need you. What’s it like to have someone just totally love you, care for you, stand with you through life, hold your hand when you’re hurting and just need a hand. What’s it like to have someone know you well enough to know you just need a hug or a meal made. What’s it like to have that person you are so totally in to, be in to you. What’s it like to have someone read your feelings and respond with the exact thing you need? I’ve heard people say it’s someone who just “get’s” them. What is that like? What am I missing? How does it feel to have someone “get” you?
