Footsteps echo off the deck floor, each step louder than normal. He recognizes the familiar footsteps of the whole crew, but why do they sound so loud today?

Then, something grabs him by the back of the neck, pulling at his skin. He thinks the enemy is pulling his skin off, but somehow it stretches more than normal. Zoro yelps, but the sound is unfamiliar to his own ears. 

That’s not– that’s not a human noise. That’s a meow.

He’s hanging in the air, limbs flailing in front of him. His nap is properly interrupted, and Zoro flails in front of himself in protest, but everything feels weird and unfamiliar. He tries to grab for his swords, but he doesn’t have hands to hold them. From what he can see of his forearms, they’re covered in a thick green fur, and Zoro reels at the sight. 

“Why’re you glaring at me? I bet it snuck on board at the last port when you were trying to flirt with the shopkeeper! I didn’t have anything to do with it!”

The person holding him scoffs. “I dunno. Even if you don’t know shit, out of all the options, you’re the one who’ll fold first.”

Oh, great. That confirms it; the person holding him is the cook. Zoro squirms some more, but it’s all futile. 

“Hey! Sanji! I’m not that easy of a target, I’ll have you know I’ve held out under torture for longer, for days. Years, even, before folding and admitting to my crimes–”

“--Usopp. Did you let the cat on board?”

“No, absolutely not,” Usopp replies immediately. “I’ve really got no idea where it came from.”

Zoro has a bad feeling about this. 

There’s no way. There’s no way the cat they’re both referring to is him. He tries to protest, but all that comes out of his mouth are yowls and growls, all incomprehensible to his own ears. He kicks forward, he stretches outward, and he’s met with the sight of four, furry paws. 

Shit.

“That’s not a cat! That’s Zoro!” Chopper exclaims. Zoro meows again, and Chopper makes another shocked noise, looking up at him with wide, watery eyes. “Zoro! Is that really you?! Are you okay?!”

Zoro feels the hairs– fur?!-- on his spine raise. Chopper makes another shocked gasp. 

“Oh, no, Zoro, what happened to you?!”

“What?! That’s– that’s Zoro?!” Usopp exclaims. “But he’s so– he’s so tiny! And fluffy!”

He can’t help himself; Zoro growls, and yup, it’s definitely a cat’s growl coming from his own throat. What the hell. He’s a cat now? He doesn’t want to be a cat.

“Hah, is marimo angry with me?” Sanji taunts, and Zoro feels his tail stand on end. “Wow, you really are expressive like this, huh?”

Expressive? Whatever. He’s going to claw the cook’s face off– he has claws, right? If he’s a cat he has to have claws. With one last determined growl at Sanji, Zoro eyes his hands– well, his paws– and wiggles his cat toes. 

“Aw, Zoro is cute like that,” Nami coos. “Maybe we can keep him around like this forever.”

Sanji shakes him. “Cute?! Nami-san, you can’t think he’s cute! He’s just some overgrown furball!”

“I dunno, Sanji, he’s really fluffy,” Usopp argues. “Look at his tail, it’s all puffed out.”

The three of them continue debating, and Zoro opts to ignore the noise. Instead of listening, he stretches his paws like he’s stretching out his own fingers. It takes a moment and a couple of stretches, but sure enough he’s able to unsheath his claws. There’s ten of them, all sharp and pointed. 

He unsheaths the claws again and again, watching as the sharp point retracts again and again. Perfect; being a cat is great, actually. Sharp teeth and blades in his hands, what more could he want?

“-and he’s not that fluffy, I’ve seen fluffier cats,” the cook argues. What’s he going off about again? Sanji brings Zoro closer to his face, his one visible eye scrutinizing him. “And look, even as a cat his forehead’s too big.”

Oh, right. He’s going off about how he’s an ugly cat or something. 

Unbothered, Zoro glares at Sanji, then experimentally stretches one paw out to see how close he is to the cook now. He’s definitely in arm’s distance now. No better time to try out his claws. 

With Sanji still examining him, Zoro reaches one paw out experimentally to touch his face. The cook’s face feels warm under his paw pads, and his face pulls into shock, mouth agape. Then, knowing just how much distance is between him and the cook, Zoro pulls his paw back and unsheaths his claws. 

“No, no, no you stupid furball–”

Slashing forward, Zoro catches one claw in Sanji’s nose with his claw. The claw tears into flesh easily, leaving a long, clean cut down the side of Sanji’s face. With an undignified help, the cook finally lets go of his scruff, and with an instinct he doesn’t understand, Zoro falls to the ground and lands on all four paws. 

He pauses, back arched in shock as he tries to regain his balance on the deck. 

“Wow! I heard cats could land upright, but I’ve never actually seen a cat do it,” Nami says. 

“That’s not what’s important here! He just cut my face up, stupid mossball!”

“Cats falling upright is a natural reflex. It seems that Swordsman-san’s transformation into a cat has given him the same instincts as one,” Robin says, ignoring the cook’s warbling entirely. “How curious. I’ve read about cats’ ability to land upright, but I’ve never known how high they could fall before gravity does them in.”

There’s a cackle behind him; Zoro’s back arches further, all his fur sticking on end. He has a bad feeling about this. 

One rubber hand grabs him around his middle, and Zoro yelps– yowls?-- eyes widening as he’s pulled into the air again. He’s starting to resent being this small and carryable; he’d rather be a cat that couldn’t be tossed around like a ragdoll. 

“Wanna find out?” Luffy asks, and Zoro can’t contain his yowl in protest. 

Usopp makes an incomprehensible protest. “Luffy, you idiot, you can’t just toss him in the air!” 

There’s a loud laugh echoing across the deck. “I toss Zoro all the time! He’ll be fine!”

“He’s a cat now! You don’t know if he’ll be fine!” 

“Aw, but Robin just said he’d be fine–” 

Zoro is still hanging in the air by Luffy’s rubber hand, desperately clawing at the skin he can find. He is not getting tossed, not when he’s like this.

“Robin said she didn’t know his limits, not that he’d be fine! Moron!”

Suddenly, Zoro’s snatched away from Luffy’s hands by something equally furry. He growls, the sound coming out involuntarily from his throat.

“Aw, you’re upsetting him!” Chopper says. “He’s scared, don’t throw him in the air!”

What? He’s not scared. He’s not even that upset. Stupid cat body unable to hide his stupid emotional reactions– he growls again, and he can’t figure out how to make it stop.

“I can translate for him, and he doesn’t want to be thrown in the air!”

“Yeah, we can all see that,” Nami says. “Wow, who knew Zoro’d be such a fluffy, expressive cat.”

Zoro growls loudly, pauses, then tries to growl quieter. Damn it, why can’t he control this?!

“And he doesn’t like being a cat either, so you better figure out why it happened!” Chopper says. Zoro growls again. “And he doesn’t like me knowing what he’s saying–”

Chopper pets his head, as if that would calm him down. He growls again, stretching his paws outward. 

“-so stop being mean! And don’t throw him in the air!”

“Well, too bad for him, we all can see what he’s thinking,” Usopp says. “And I think he likes having his head pet. Wow, he really is just like a cat, huh?”

That’s not true. Zoro’s not enjoying Chopper petting his head, and he doesn’t even enjoy when Chopper scratches behind his ears. Still, despite his internal protests, Zoro has never felt something as relaxing in his entire life. He melts, and suddenly there’s an involuntary rumble from his throat, reverberating through his entire tiny cat body. 

“Oh, he’s purring! That means he’s happy,” Chopper explains, and Zoro tries to figure out how to turn that off. 

He’s got to get a handle on this stupid cat thing if he wants to maintain some shred of dignity. 

Still, when Chopper scratches behind his ear again, the rumbling continues without his permission.

“Aw. Are you sure we can’t keep him like this?” Nami asks. “It’s not like Zoro’s very helpful on the deck anyway. At least this way he can catch mice for us.”

“H-hey! We’re not going to let that shithead kill mice, I’m sure the mice haven’t done anything to deserve that–”

“He’d be an accomplished mouser, with his experience hunting pirates and his natural cat instincts. I’m sure he’ll be useful, Cook-san.”

“That’s not the point!”

Whatever; he’ll let the idiots continue arguing. Zoro closes his eyes, stretches out, and tries to find the sun again. If he’s going to be stuck as a cat, he’ll let the rest of the crew figure out the solution for him. It’s not like he could do anything useful; he's a cat.