#somaeda

it was monday and my head was still spinning. let's recall friday's event. it was fucking everything. we all talked, got drunk out of out minds, and all without the police arriving. all in all, i'm positive that we all had fun. i got to school a little earlier than usual. i went to grab my books out of my locker so i wouldn't make a trip after advisory. what i saw then shocked me.

kazuichi wore his uniform? combed his hair?

what the fuck..

his arm had him leant up against his locker, he was talking to someone. nagito stood in front of him, smiling. both of then were laughing. i approach them, hoping to talk to kazuichi. "soda, hey!". they both looked at me. "i've gotta go," he said to nagito, walking away,"i'll see you later". nagito waved, looking back at me, who stood like an idiot. "what's his problem?," i asked, then i glanced at his marked up neck,"woah, so that's what was so urgent you bailed, but really, what's his deal?". nagito glared at me.

"i'm gonna give you time to figure that out"

then, nagito walked away. i was utterly confused. "i hope your little party's reputation was worth it," he muttered as he walked by me. now i really stood there: dumbfounded. i went to look for the others, but i had no such luck. i didn't have any of them for my first two classes. i realized i had to wait till lunch to even see any of them. i had them in other classes but not before then. there were a lot of things that needed to be discussed, so i'm glad i see them during lunch. it'll give them time to see if their behavior had changed at all.

there were many questions i came up with in the meantime.

what did the party that all of us were at had to do with any of this? where did nagito go off to? did he leave with kazuichi? why is nagito mad? why is kazuichi? see, maybe if they could refrain from being so ominous and actually speak up, there'd be no problem. god, i don't even remember anything at the party; i blacked out. this was all i could think up for 4 hours, the hours leading up to lunchtime. i hated that i was so obsessed with finding answers to such things. it felt stupid. it was stupid.

when i got to the cafeteria, the group is all sitting at the table today—which usually doesn't happen, but i guess we were all happy with last night and maybe wanted the vibe to coninue. teruteru hands akane her lunch as ibuki and sonia and gundham are playing a game of chess. i notice something odd. i notice nagito is sitting by himself and kazuichi is nowhere to be found. chiaki also wasn't there, but i asked sonia about that and she told me she had a bout of narcolepsy that sent her to rest in the nurse's office. i decide to speak up.

"what's nagito's problem today?"

the table looks at me, then at nagito who is sitting far away. "something's definitely up his ass today," fuyuhiko adds, "i asked the bastard for my transcripts and he told me to fuck off, that he was getting them". everyone nods, agreeing that something was definitely off with him. suddenly, kazuichi walks up to nagito's table, eating with him. they are talking now, but we can't make out any of what they're saying and none of us read lips, so there's no use deciphering this conversation. all we know is that it's happening, which on it's own is fucking weird since kazuichi doesn't even like nagito.

"is it just me or have they both been acting weird?"

they all nodded. "nagito's been seeing him during classes, using summons to take him out," hiyoko said,"it's happened 3 times today". "did you also take note that he's wearing something completely different than usual?," fuyuhiko said,"he looks presentable". everyone mumbled about that. "i couldn't help but notice the bruises on his body," gundham added,"we were getting dressed for physical education, then i saw marks on his shoulders and his neck— just bruises everywhere".

"why are you watching him dress?"

"not like that, imbecile!"

akane and ibuki laughed at hiyoko's questioning, but as flustered as gundham was, he continued. "might he have someone that could've left those on him?". we all disagreed; he would've said something by now about a girlfriend. "i wanted to try and talk to kazuichi about friday," sonia began,"but he told me and i quote, to 'get the fuck away from him'". "that was harsh," i noted,"and for him to talk to you of all people in that way...wait- did something happen friday? i don't remember anything wrong happening or did something actually happen?". sonia then looked at me, almost as if she had done something wrong. then everyone else who planned the event did too. "yes? is there something i need to know?". this was now sonia's battle and she had to explain.

"well, you see...kazuichi wasn't there"

"oh? then why did nagito tell me it had to do with the par—"

"because he was not invited"

"what?"

"because he was blacklisted"

i couldn't believe what i was hearing. i really couldn't. "you what?!". sonia sighed as she was twiddling her fingers, nervously. "no one wanted him there!," she yelled. "you mean you didn't want him there!," i spat,"don't pin this on anyone else!". she opened her school bag and took out a list. "these are the printed results of people who were voted to not go. so yes, i can pin this on who i'd like!".

"he's our friend"

"and the invites were a democracy! even you thought it was so great!"

"i didn't know that'd mean he wasn't going! you're a shitty friend!"

"if i'm all that, you're worse! you're scum!"

i scoffed. "and why's that?". her face was red,"because it took you till now to even notice he wasn't there!," she yelled,"did you ever see him there?! that's not on me!". she was right. that does make me scummy. "in fact," she added,"we're all scummy. no one but myself knew he wouldn't go and no one noticed". we all stood in disappointment.

"there's still a little more that we haven't gotten to"

we look at peko. "what does nagito have to do with it?," she asked. we began to think. "well, he left the part early," i said,"anyone knows where he went?". we all shook our heads. there's something weird about this moment, it's as if ibuki was about to say something, but took a pause only to shake her head. i know i'm not the only one who picked up on this. the bell rang and it was time to make our way to our next classes. i look over at nagito and kazuichi, who throws away his and nagito's trash before they both walk out of the cafeteria. 

later that day, i catch up with chiaki, who despite taking a nap in the nurse's office still looked completely out of it (the poor thing). we walk home, i catch her up on everything. she nods the entire time, trying to make sure she is fully understanding the situation. "i think i'm honestly hungover from the night still... i haven't been this out of it in a minute," she yawns, then adds, "I'm honestly shocked that none of us noticed that he wasn't there. that sucks". i agree with her, it was incredibly shitty that he wasn't able to come due to people not wanting him there. after explaining the nagito thing, she seems to wake up a little just for that bit as it seems to confuse her as much as it's confused the rest of us. "kazuichi, at best, is indifferent towards nagito... at worst-"

"he doesn't like him"

"exactly"

the next day, i'm with nagito in the office doing some paperwork. nagito has been answering office calls and all while balancing texting someone on his phone. kazuichi walks in and sits by nagito, almost as if he were waiting for him. the theory of him waiting is soo debunked because when nagito gets up, kazuichi doesn't follow. "i'm gonna use the bathroom, okay?," he says, then turns to me, "let togami know who's at the door, he'll let them in or not. whatever he decides". i give him a thumbs up and the second he leaves, i turn to kazuichi who is tinkering with a small tamagotchi that I know used to belong to nagito until it broke.

"what are you doing?"

"fixing komaeda's tamagotchi... figured it's the least i could do for the guy"

"right... hey, so i wanted to talk. in fact, i've wanted to talk this whole week"

kazuichi puts the tamagotchi down for a second. "yeah? why?". i shrug, feeling unsure of myself and whether or not to bring up the topic. "well, the party-". he immediately dissmisses me, scoffing. "nah, we're past that," he says, going back to fixing the device, "it's all fine. i don't really... give a shit. couldn't have been that fun, not without me, right?". i laugh softly, happy that he's able to have a sense of humor about it. even if we were too fucked up to realize he wasn't there, i don't doubt that it would've been way more fun without him there. "yeah, man, it was only fine without you, i wish you'd been there," i say to him, "i'm glad you understand, we had to respect the vote". kazuichi laughs, but slowly stops. he puts down the screwdriver and looks at me.

"what vote?"

my smile falters. i'm an idiot, he thinks i didn't hear his question. 

"what vote, hinata?"

i shake my head and say, "nothing, just a saying," i answer, unable to think of any other way to explain what i just said. he sits up, looking confused, "i haven't heard that one before, that's not a thing". i sigh, looking at him. "alright, i just—okay, this was a party for the end of the year," i explain.

"yeah, between you and everyone else, so you, my friend, and my other friends—you voted me out of the invite list, right?"

"no, that wasn't us! that was a lot of the hope's peak senior population"

kazuichi's confused look immediately turns to one of hurt and his widened eyes give it an element of horror. "no one wanted me there?". i shook my head, "nono, just some of the students—". he cuts me off as he stands up, "right, the majority". there was no arguing that because if that weren't the case, then he would've been invited. i shrug, feeling upset now. i never meant to cause harm. all i can do at this point is become defensive. now i'm standing up.

"kaz, it's not like you didn't vote out anyone, you probably voted out nagito... i remember you thought he was a freak"

in that moment, nagito walks in. there's no way he didn't just hear everything i just said. all he does is lean against the doorframe, fully amused. at this exact moment, kazuichi is pleading his case.

"first of all, yeah, i misjudged nagito and that's something i've been honest with him about especially since he's the only one who's treated me like a human being-"

"oh, please"

"second of all, hajime, i didn't get to vote. i wasn't a part of that"

i'm in shock. this is entirely new information. "yeah, i heard talk about a party, but i never got any notice. i waited for any invite and when you brought it up, i was genuinely confused, " he adds, "i'm finding out now that i'm not someone people want around. someone the whole fucking school feels necessary to exclude". he takes a breath and his eyes tear up. he shakes his head as he wipes a tear, picks up his tools along with the tamagotchi, and storms out of the office. before nagito goes after him, he looks at me and looks like he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. he runs off after, kazuichi and the door closes slowly behind him. 

i can't help but feel horrible. he didn't know the extent to which people didn't want him there. it wasn't something he wanted to deal with, so i don't fault him at all for being this upset. yet, i also feel betrayed. i decide i should also follow after him, i let the counselor know. i make up some excuse, he doesn't think much of it and lets me leave. before i can get far, i see kazuichi being held back by nagito in the main hallway. sonia and gundham are in front of him.

"that's why you wanted to talk to me? you wanna keep playing in my face?"

"no! what?! why are you being so aggressive?"

sonia looks hurt. obviously not physically, but she's in shock at kazuichi's teary and yet angry reaction. nagito is trying to get him to come back, he's causing a scene. "you know what? i haven't talked to you or tried to talk to you in over a year, you fucking-," kazuichi stops himself from calling her something he would regret, he shakes his head, "no, y'know what? that's okay! i understand!". sonia tries to get closer to him, she's upset that clearly he's been this affected. "i didn't think it meant that much to you," she says, her face says it all, "you aren't the easiest to get along with and i'm obviously not alone in thinking that!". hearing her words made me feel better about the bullshit i managed out. i thought i was fucking up, but i was nowhere as bad with my words as sonia.

"you don't think i know that?"

kazuichi can't hold back anymore. i can't tell if he's so mad that he's crying or he's mad and sad, both these things overwhelming him to the point of tears. "that everyone looks at me and feels disgust?," he says through each sniffle and hiccup, "that i wasn't wanted? i didn't get to spend that time with all of you?". as he stands next to her, gundham looks tense. he's fidgeting badly with his coat. something is odd about that as he's usually stoic in anything and everything kazuichi related, but i'm mostly focused on sonia's response. she looks like it just hit her just how upsetting her words were. she shakes her head. "i didn't mean it like that, souda-," she says, trying to get closer to him. he as a reaction close to a flinch.

"get the fuck away from me!"

she does.

it's getting loud, you can tell as the students gather around to see what's going on. this includes some of our other friends. one of the counselor's walks out, togami, he seperates them both. "both of you— how old are you two? this is ridiculous!", he scolds, pointing at students, "you [sonia], go to class! [gundham] go to class! everyone else go to class—". as i walk toward the office, he tells kazuichi, "but you? my office. now". he doesn't yell at him, but he is stern. kazuichi sighs and nods. nagito and i walk to the office to continue our work. 

"you two are horrible"

i look at nagito, his words angering me a bit. "what did i do?". he shakes his head, pushing the door hard enough for me to also walk through it. he sits at his desk, explaining, "you know he's going through a lot... i think it's best he not talk to any of you for the rest of the semester". i'm baffled by his words, scoffing.

"who the hell made you the authority on who can and cannot talk to souda?"

"souda himself"

i shake my head, "i don't believe it". nagito shrugs, organizing a file and taking it to togami's door. "we've been able to talk a lot... it's more than the party, if that's what you're thinking", he reasons, "he's hurt". with that, he walks into the office and our conversation stops there. i didn't know what to make of this conversation or this day. maybe nagito was right? we should give him distance. yet, that doesn't feel right. i want to help him, we all do. we care about him.

the day goes by and i meet up with sonia and chiaki by the gate. we spend time talking about it all, what they made of the situation. "and he just lashed out? he was yelling?". she looks at chiaki, nodding, "yes, nanami. he was very loud! were you not there?". she shakes her head, looking at me as if to seek more information. "that would be my fault...". they both look at me, waiting for me to say more. i let them know why it's my fault. 

"i told him he was voted out of the party..."

sonia groans, putting her head down. "that's how he knew...,"  she says, "god, i was hoping he didn't ever find out". i also felt bad for her, but at the same time it was hard to because she orchestrated this. "why did you leave him out completely?". she shrugs. 

"it was petty, but it doesn't even seem worth it anymore"

i understand. he was weird towards her for some years, so much so, no one noticed when he wasn't. that stopped over a year ago, apparently. it felt bad. as we walk out, it had been an hour since classes ended. we see gundham storm back in, going the opposite way as us. gundham appeared off, almost angry. upon closer inspection, i could confirm that he was indeed angry. i wouldn't know why, but at this point all of this feels like it leads back to kazuichi. i just had no way of linking it. upon an even closer inspection, i see his bottom lip is swollen and somewhat bloodied. sonia and chiaki look at him, the former approaches him with a gasp. 

"what happened to you?!"

"leave it"

his voice is as cold as ice. you can tell that there is no way we could get him to talk about whatever had happened since we last saw him till now. what was he even doing off campus? why was he already outside and without sonia. before i could even think of a plausible answer, out of nowhere appears peko. she looked like she had something to say. she comes up to me, taps my shoulder, and says: 

"a word?"

i nod, following her as sonia continues to press gundham. we go to a different part of the school and she shows me some photos. "i can confirm one thing, there is definitely more than meets the eye when it comes to nagito's relationship with kazuichi," she starts off, then points at one specific photo, "what has nagito told you since it seems that kazuichi isn't talking about this".

"well, they've both confirmed that they are living together all the while kazuichi gets back on his feet"

"likely story, i still have my eye on them... now look at these"

she points at another stack of photos. whereas the first featured nagito and kazuichi, these featured kazuichi and an entirely new and unexpected character: gundham tanaka. i raise a brow, inspecting them. in one shot, they're at a local bookstore, a comic shop. in the other shots, they're in a car together. as the photos progress, the air between them is different. in the first shots at the comic book shop, it's tense and uncomfortable. it's no different from the way they interact now. yet, when we get to the scene in the car, it's weird. it's oddly intimate. there is a sense of familiarity between them that i cannot shake. it's nothing i'd ever seen before between them. 

having this new information, i decided i needed answers. 

i return to sonia and chiaki. sonia is still desperately trying to get any answer out of gundham who is just asking her to go home as class has long ended. i quickly needed to think of something to get her away from him, her and chiaki. "sonia, someone's trying to vandalize the senior portrait day posters in the main hall!". she looks at me, shocked and now not thinking of gundham at all.

"you're joking! not now! ugh, come on, chiaki... gundham, we'll be back!" 

she runs off, chiaki only jogging after her. gundham thanks me for the distraction, but realized that i only did so in order for me to be able to talk to him. "what is it now, hinata? i barely have the time or the patience to-". at that, i just show him the photographs. he is, as hiyoko would say, "gagged".

"i just want answers"