#soloseeking

Scenes from my first solo backpacking trip

This photo is completely unedited and I couldn't stop staring at this mountain, so now you guys know why I ran my last 2 miles in the dark, during the second week of hunting season 😭🙌🏼 #sorrymom #casualgunfire #soloseeking (at Three Fingered Jack)

Worthiness has been weighing on my heart recently. We all seem to be set up in the cycle of wanting more out of life, yet are equally unsure if we deserve it. I'm here to tell you that you absolutely do. You deserve a job you want to wake up in the morning to go to. You deserve to have friendships that not only raise you up, but equally ground you. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who truly cares about you and makes you feel cherished and comforted. You deserve all of these things. You also deserve a second chance if you thought you had any/all and didn't. Life isn't one single lap. You can pass go, collect $200, and then still ask for a do over. That's not weakness, that's human. That's trying things on for size, realizing what helps you and what hinders you. That's realizing how much you can grow when you cut ties with a person/place/thing that is anchoring you down, even if it feels like losing the only things you know. You are. That's the beauty in the breakdown and the glory in rising again. That's the Magic of life and we all are on this unending circle together. I've been surrounded by so much love in the last few weeks after thinking I had lost things/places/people that had previously brought me joy. I had a hard time believing I was deserving of some of those things. It was hard to see the light, but honestly, shedding of what no longer serves you brings so much light in and openness towards so much more. You just have to willing to receive. Stay open. Stay humble. Know your worth, demand no less. #soloseeking (at Rainbow Lakes Trailhead)

Wrong turn, right timing. Sometimes you gotta take the day off work to go get lost in the forest. Haven't been able to find myself in such a predicament in quite a while. It felt like I was right where I needed to be. 🍁💛🍂 #soloseeking #theroadchronicles (at Peak to Peak Highway)

I'm constantly in limbo, always moving from one place to another, and never feeling at home. People, places, emotions, and stories have been my exit strategy. I live my life in-between at all times. I don't get attached, and if I do, it's a mechanism for a way out. That's a really lonely way to live. SoloSeeking came to be back in Winter of 2015. I was extremely depressed, struggling with loss and confusion of who I was. I had just left an internship that I thought was my entire world to finish up a major I had always dreamed was my destiny - until it wasn't. I didn't think I was going to graduate from college. I didn't know how to keep moving forward. I was a semester out and had seriously considered leaving it all behind, but then some of us did. We lost a lot of people that Winter, in Gunnison County. It seemed like there was blow after blow and keeping spirits up was easier said than done. I drove down to Pagosa that January to get out of town, visit some friends hiking the CDT, and decided to take the long way home. I stopped at every view point, every turn off, and every picturesque view. I realized that life had so much beauty to offer in the simplest form: nature, and I realized that's where I was happiest. I made it my mission to go out and SoloSeek as much as humanly possibly because it was the one silver lining I had to hold onto at that time, and it was something I did well, and alone. But now it's become my MO. I fear I'm too good at being alone. This year has really tested me in that respect. I lost friends that I thought were life-longs, relationships I thought were end-games, and family I thought I had gained back. But I moved to a new city and it took a happenstance meeting with an out-of-town friend to help me realize I didn't need to move to start over, this was my new beginning I had been seeking. It's hard to plant something, not knowing what's ahead, but for the first time in years, I'm putting roots down. You can always transplant a flower, but you can't nurture one if you never give it a chance to grow from the start. Here's to #soloseeking on the home soil, and to friends who make it less solo🌻 (at Denver International Airport)

What's happening around you never slows to a convenient pace for processing, and that can get overwhelming. It can be really disorienting when you don't know where to turn because you're not even sure where you are. ✨ Life can get really lonely and that's just the plain truth. @kimberlycrist said something this week that stuck out to me and I can't get the homegirl's words out of my mind. "[Life is] being enough for yourself". Sometimes that's all it comes down to. ✨ Y'all know me and I have a hard time sitting still without getting antsy. It's rough to stick it out, especially when the going get tough, but I think that your strength shows most in moments of weakness; rising up is the toughest part. ✨ Patience is clearly the lesson I have yet to learn because it continues to repeat itself. Everything will come in due time. Until then, I can seek solace in my spirit knowing I can turn into myself and to nature for comfort when I need it most. And sometimes, just sometimes, you'll get a little piece of encouragement from the universe when you least expect it. #beasyouare #soloseeking with a surprise view of my favorite place in the world. (at Arizona)

I miss the person I was when I was obsessively in love with running. I miss annoying the shit out of all of you at the coffee shop, while talking to Jerry about trails/ultras/fartleks/speed-hiking/water/fill-in-the-blank for literal HOURS on end (permissible only because I make a mean dry-cappuccino). I miss the days of being so excited to run in the morning that I fall asleep with trail maps in-hand. I miss getting so jazzed for my next one that I literally couldn't wait for the morning and I had to fit in a second, in one day. I miss it all and I had let it go for a while. Something about pace/(unfriendly and unwelcome) competition/strava/leaderboards slowly broke me down. I ran an Ultra last year, and that was a huge accomplishment, but my soul wasn't in it, and it broke my spirit. I wasn't spontaneous, I was calculated. I wasn't feeding my soul, I was feeding the beast. I wasn't checking in with my spirit, I was updating strava. I'm not everybody, and I know that works for some people; I'm not one of those people. That's not what running is for me, and never has been. After a long talk about WHY I run, with a complete stranger (and insightful shaman), followed by a weekend spent in the high country surrounded by some of the most inspiring people I have ever met, I've started to wake back up. You gain energy from the earth when you learn how to shut up, buck up, lace up, and tap into it. There's an infinite energy pool just waiting for you to reawaken a part of your spirit that has gone dormant for so long. That soul-stirring fire is slowly awakening once again in my spirit and it feels like reuniting with a long-lost friend. I may be farther from the high country that sets my spirit on fire, but I can still fan the flames. #soloseeking with elephantella and frost, an unlikely duo. 💓🐘 (at Guanella Pass)

The Eclipse has gotten a lot of attention (rightfully so) but don't forget about tonight's New Moon in Leo. This feminine moon has brought forward a chance of healing and forgiveness and, as always, it's right on time in our lives. Set your intentions for this moon-turn ahead of us and remember to look past realities of what may "seem to be" into that "which truly is". Can't wait to tap into the energy tonight with @meadowfire ✨🌑🔮 Also, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to all of you who have reached out to me within the past week, seeking out to be more in-tune to the Moon. There is so much energy out there just waiting for us to start paying attention to it, and tapping into it! The Moon is a force to be reckoned with, don't ignore her 😉 #soloseeking (at Denver Tech Center (DTC))