#solaceinwords

Drifter

My friends were teaching me to pose, I guess I didn’t want to oppose. But all I wanted, Was to fade away into the background, Into the shadows, Like always. It never mattered before, I never mattered before. In the din, in the silence, As the clock ticked on, And life took it’s toll, I slipped further into the cracks, That widened considerably from before. Drowning, Ever so rapidly, Before I could wrap my head around it, I yelled, I screamed, I cried out initially. The force of those treacherous undercurrents, Ever threatening, Eternally thundering and pounding in my ears, I cried, I called out. Until I deemed, I realized, I was far beyond saving, And would rather drown, Than risk the lives of those I loved, Who stayed afloat. My head told me, It was time to let go, My heart told me, To fight those currents a little longer, To hold on a little while longer. To see those smiles, light up those faces, Light up those cracks, nooks and crevices, Now filled with pieces of me, Lost, scattered and dispersed, Over time and places.

Free Fall

When it comes time to reflect, to recall, It is with clarity I remember each and every fall, And every time I remember getting right back up and standing tall, Wind knocked out, bleeding and bruised unhindered by it all.

Wrap & Roll … Lock & Load

Be a wraith, Embrace the hate, Be a ghost, Barely there, Yet ever-present, For, They’re the ones who lost their faith. Stand tall, After every fall, The harder you go down, The harder you fight your way back to the top. This is your life, Your match, Your march, Your parade. You’re the victor, Your scars, Are mere tales engraved. They’re a sign, Of the residual fire that remains. That burns brighter, Every single day, Relentless and unforgiving, A blaze, That razes all the doubts and haters, Who make the mistake of getting in your way. Here comes the next blow, Roll with the punches, Take a hit, two or many more. Take a hit till they can’t hit anymore. Test your mettle, flex your steel. Take it all in, Until the day you make your stand. Plant those feet, dig them in. One, two, three, Here we go. Block, jab, cross your way, And when you see your moment, Don’t hold back, Take them down, It’s time for a TKO.

What do you do when the pieces that make you who you are are scattered and tossed every which way, nowhere in sight? Can’t obviously call out a search party, ‘cuz if anything they’d just tell you to get over it and move on with your life and that these are all concepts you came up with in your head. Dispel, dismiss and move right along. 

I was reminded today of all that’s been lost & gone. I was reminded tonight that justice rests very heavily on the shoulders of hope. The greater the number of times your belief in it is stricken down, the more that hope dulls and dwindles away. I was reminded today of all that I possibly can’t and won’t ever have, which was kinda bittersweet. Tonight I was reminded of innocence, and how and how it can be snatched away in the blink of an eye. Tonight I was reminded of Job and I was reminded of Sita and it made me wonder about sacrifice. What truly is sacrifice? Is it worth it? Or is it just a boat load of mumbo jumbo that only keeps hurting you & that nobody honestly gives a shit about, but have a good laugh about when they see you struggle? 

Tonight I was reminded yet again of how foolish I am to even think that something like karma exists. Well even if it did, there’s probably a good chance I won’t be around to see it take it’s course of action. Tonight I was reminded that ‘letting go’ is a path that leads to the death of who you once used to be, and where you transform into either the polar opposite of who you used to be...and how you really don’t have a choice to be who you want to be, because everyone has a framework of you they expect to see. Let’s be real, not meeting any of those framework criteria leads to comments about how you should move on, or you should quit letting things get to you. How detachment from a situation is freedom. But then again, if we detach from it all, then what’s the point of living?

Tonight I was reminded that the kind of person I am, holds no value at all. In fact, I’m being asked in many ways to sacrifice more of me, to shut out the parts that cares, that gives a damn. When I try to state how those are crucial parts of who I am, that’s really all I have left of me, I’m reminded of how naïve & foolish I’m being, and how the world has no space for fools. I guess the world has no space for dreamers, fools with a heart and noble intentions..most definitely there’s no space for someone as tainted as me with the mind of a dreamer and the spirit of a fighter. 

Tonight I was reminded, in the big picture of things, loneliness doesn’t scare me it’s just the reality waiting patiently for me, in fact, it has much patience as I do. Tonight I was reminded, in the battle of good versus bad, bad always has the upper hand, while good keeps getting strangled just a little bit more.