#sofia darling

What kind of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with?

It depends on the fandom. I don't really write or read any au stuff for mass effect. I'll be honest, I cannot stand happy ending aus for mass effect. I get the appeal on a surface level, but they just undermine the most important themes and character moments in my opinion.

Fallout is basically the polar opposite of above, amusingly, because I mostly write aus for it, and i write a variety of different kinds of au. At least in the sense that I've pulled my fav characters, scrubbed them of their serial numbers and play with them in their own universes mostly. Mostly a gaslamp fantasy au, a modern college/beyond college au, and countless unwritten ones that are just the product of talking with kas about characters.

What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom?

My little slice of the Shenko ME fandom tends to be chill, interesting, and has correct opinions about the sexiness of a sensitive man who has been to therapy.

Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Hi Nym! Nice to hear from you :D these are from this ask meme

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

Oh man, I love banter so it's hard to choose. From me ME stuff, I still really enjoy this exchange from This Ship Will Carry Our Bodies Safe to Shore:

“Shepard, I have a question,” EDI says, interrupting her from her thoughts. “You want to go for a walk?” Shepard says, gesturing back at the CIC. “That’s not necessary this time. This is a small question. Personal.” She’s a little relieved. That’s got to be easier than EDI’s usual existential ones. “Alright,” Shepard says, “Shoot.” “With Major Alenko returning to the Normandy, will you resume your sexual relationship?” Shepard groans and hides her face in her hands. “I don’t know what I expected,” she mutters to herself. Joker snickers. “Are you going to answer the question?” EDI asks. “I don’t know,” Shepard says, still with her face buried in her palms. “Do you mean you don’t know if you will answer the question, or you don’t know if--” “Yes,” she says, interrupting this before it goes any further. EDI frowns. “That--” Shepard is saved as the CIC airlock opens and Kaidan boards.

But honestly, Darling is the undisputed champion of banter among my OCs:

From this fic:

“What were we talking about?” Valentine asked, taking us back into the waltz.  “I was objecting to being labeled as impertinent.” “Darling, it takes you about three seconds to piss off every authority figure you encounter.”  I scoffed. “Name one,” I said, “I’m as pleasant as a clam.” “Mm. That’s definitely how that saying goes,” Valentine said. “But alright, Mayor McDonough. How many times has he threatened to throw you out of the city? You’re giving Piper a run for her money.” “No fair. Ain’t my fault McDonut got a goddamn telephone pole stuck up his ass.”

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

What an interesting question... Some of it depends on what character I'm writing, like Grace is heavily associated with water (particularly dangerous ocean water) so my ME fics have a lot of that imagery and and could probably be described as preoccupied with drowning. I'm an absolutely slut for bitter-sweetness, so I do a lot of hurt/comfort flavored scenes where I wreck my characters emotionally and have someone important to them be there for them when they need it most.

I write a lot about inevitability, both overcoming it and succumbing to it (sometimes both at once). It's a weird theme, I think because at it's core there's this duality of powerlessness and inevitable change. For example, Grace Shepard was never going to survive the Reaper War, and she knew it. She would die or emerge changed, either way 'Shepard' would be consumed by this conflict. If that hadn't been true, she would not have been Grace Shepard. But also, no matter what they said, the Reapers would always lose eventually, even pseudo-gods aren't immune to the other inevitability: everything ends. The cumulative efforts of each cycle would inevitably topple the Reapers.

Look Bloodborne and Dark Souls were very formative for me and I've been obsessed with their themes ever since >.>

Also maybe for some reason lately it's been important for me to find reasons to keep going even when when a struggle feels inevitably futile. Probably has nothing to do with living in the shadow of a host of existential threats and a surge of reactionary politics :)))))

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

And for you G and H 💜

Thanks Kat! this is in response to this post!

I'm going to group these by character, with Shep first:

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Grace definitely has an odd sense of nostalgia, given how crappy her early life was. It probably happens most strongly if they ever encounter something like a pit-fighting ring (her main source of cash when she was a teenager), or really any particularly gritty slum of the Wards or Omega in its entirety. I'm not sure if she necessarily enjoys the feeling--she is much happier with a life on a clean ship with friends and coworkers she can rely on where she doesn't have to think about if her calorie needs will be met. But there's a certain comfortableness in picking up that persona again, in acknowledging that the street kid is just as real as any other facet of her.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

When she was younger, she masked it, because she was scared that people would see her lack of understanding (especially social understanding) as a lack of intelligence. Better mentoring, a general reputation for competence, and a lot of occupational therapy during her time at the Officers' Academy helped her get better at asking for clarification. These days, she's got a good grasp of what she needs to understand and what she doesn't, and will pursue understanding of the first and isn't bothered by the second (eg, she needs to understand why she's being given a specific order, she doesn't need to understand why some people would rather read than exercise.)

16. What makes their stomach turn?

Nothing with calories, lol. Grace will eat anything she deems edible, which includes most things that any sane person would classify as 'formerly edible.' She's not fazed by much, not violence, not by most of the common fears. Probably the closest she comes is near the end of ME1 where she develops a bit of a trigger for not being believed.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

lol Grace has never met shame in her life. She gets frustrated rather than embarrassed most of the time.

Darling (I'm going to stick with the Vigil version of her, cause I have too many AUs):

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Despite hating the home and life that she came from, she still gets intense nostalgia for things that remind her of where she was born. The Southern Downs had intense rain and thunderstorms, so even if they aren't to the same magnitude in Vigil, they make her nostalgic. Other little cultural things, like familiar music and food, good tobacco, and even hearing someone else speaking with her accent triggers a very complicated nostalgia. True to form, she's conflicted about how she feels about it. One the one hand, it irritates her, because she's glad she left and never wants to go back. On the other, it's not like everyone there was like her family--it wasn't a geography just filled with bad people.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Oh, this is a good one. She's told so many lies. Probably the worse and most frequent was telling her now-dead husband that she loved him. It haunts her terribly, to the point that when she does actually find people she genuinely loves, she can't bring herself to say it because the words will always taste like a lie.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

For someone as arrogant and sure of their own intelligence as she is, she's surprisingly pragmatic when it comes to confusion. Her interest in learning and understanding is almost always stronger than her ego (which is saying something). She's an excellent student, partially because she is clever, but more so because she's willing to work hard and has a work ethic that frequently spills over into workaholism.

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

She'd probably try to explain from a few different angles, get annoyed, and grumble something along the lines of, "fuck if I know."

Me!

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

I'm interpreting this in the writing sense rather than a personal sense. For Shepard, she doesn't recognize or label other people's emotions very much (she wouldn't think someone looked sad, she'd notice that they were frowning or had puffy eyes.) That occasionally makes her interactions with others difficult or at least more complex to write. Sometimes I just have to be more lenient about it.

For Darling, honestly the fact that she's very clever sometimes makes things hard to write. It means that if she's going to be deceived or played or confused, it has to be something that she wouldn't be able to figure out on her own, or there's something else at play compromising her judgement. Someone making poor choices, even if it's because of an established character flaw, can easily be frustrating to a reader and that line is really hard to walk.

H) What trait do you admire most?

WWBC: The Book With The Most Words Kri from Pine Enshrined Reviews Had to Look Up Was…….

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Oh I had to DIG deep in my list of what I had read… Boy did it take me a moment!

But I would have to say Three Lessons in Seduction by Sofie Darling.

Synopsis:

Paris, September 1824

Lord Nicholas Asquith needs his wife. Too…

replied to your link

“Hancock and Darling do Sex for Science - Kittenly - Fallout 4 [Archive...”

This is so hot and sweet and funny! I love it so damn hard and I need more! ������

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Wow, getting to the real deep stuff right away aren’t we :P

In canon? (Wow, I’m referring to book Darling as Canon, that’s sort of exciting) she probably wears drawers. Possibly even full leg-length drawers/long underwear because she is /always/ cold. Up top she probably wears a pretty basic straight buttoned bodice to give her support w/o being too uncomfortable or shaping. She might have thrown together something vaguely like a sports bra–the time period I’m basing this off of is around the time those were being suggested by early feminist groups, even if they had next to no impact because of the corset industry.

Darling would have worn corsets before she left home, but once in Wellspring she dresses exclusively in men’s clothing, and she doesn’t have to subject herself to that anymore.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Clarified this question further with Kas: Assume she’s been supplied with a Chell-style jumpsuit so she can’t just carry everything in her pockets and belt pouches.

Most of the bag would probably be taken up with her coat then. It’s her prized possession. Her hat, a black fedora, would have to be crammed in their too. Besides those two possessions she’s not very sentimental and packs useful things like an appropriate gun and holster, ammo, gun cleaning kit, small sewing kit, small tool kit, a lighter, matches, a belt and some pouches to string on it, Cash or easy to carry valuables incase she needs money in a pinch.

Jan:

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Despite being a teifling, and therefore condemned and ostracized by the religious institutions of Wellspring, Jan is surprisingly faithful. He likes the idea that gods vanished because they were protecting us, and are going to return someday because they care and want people and the world to turn out okay. He’s irreverent, not out of malice or distain, but because he thinks everyone, including gods, should be able to laugh at themselves. Probably feels most connection with Lathander, the god of Philosophy, History, and Arts, as he is a diligent study of people and has a good brain for learning lessons and applying the complexity of history and philosophy to his goals.

Religion as an institution he is far less enthusiastic about. Wellspring’s basically a theocracy and so many of the temples and clergy are richer than the lesser nobility. Jan loathes the government, and it’s hard to separate most of the religious institutions from that. That being said, there are smaller, poorer temples without a lot of state funding that he’s more amenable to, going so far as to help keep them funded and functioning.

Jan thinks particularly religious people typically take themselves way too seriously. Well, Jan thinks most people take themselves too seriously, but clergy and the super devout have a reputation for being particularly humorless and serious, which goes against what Jan thinks the gods should/would be like and would want people to be like.

There aren’t really non-believers in this world as the gods were well documented as being literally around historically. The closest thing is probably those who think the gods are never coming back. Jan finds that world-view a little bleak for him, but as long as people aren’t trying to push it on him, he doesn’t really have a problem with it.

Hal:

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Hal is definitely the “nice” one of the trio, which is to say he tends to be the stealth asshole whereas Darling and Jan both tend to be openly rude and combative. He mostly likes to lead people into insulting themselves, or make comments that people only register after the fact were insulting. He doesn’t really insult people behind their backs, but his humor and delivery are so dry that often only people like Darling who know him well can tell he’s making fun of someone. 

1. What is one word to shut them up?

I don’t know about a single word, because Darling is usually pretty hard to shut up. But if someone threw her disastrous marriage with Nate in her face, or blamed her for Shaun, she’d shut down pretty hard. 

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

Her Pre-War life was her worst nightmare every day. She was powerless and complicit in the societal inequality and wasn’t brave or clever enough to find a way to fight it. She was trapped in a farce of a marriage where she pretended to be someone she wasn’t for twelve years, and it culminated in a child and responsibility she didn’t want and didn’t think she could handle. But she kept pretending that everything was great and she was really convincing which just made it worse. 

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Surface level: She’s terribly claustrophobic when going underground. 

Repressed: That she both doesn’t deserve and is incapable of being loved for her messy, authentic self. Similarly, that she’s defective and is incapable of loving other people. 

Deep Dark: That she is to blame for Shaun’s sins because she brought him into the world and into the Wasteland. Following from that she’s scared that she may have taken the place of an old worlder who could have survived and been better for the wasteland. It tends to manifest as extreme anxiety and a pathological need to be doing something ‘good’ or ‘productive’ at all times to justify her existence in the wasteland. And it all boils down to: she’s scared that if she doesn’t work every second, people will figure out that she doesn’t deserve to be her and will never belong. 

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

Darling is a weird one with this, because she is somehow both prideful to the point of arrogance about her competence and abilities and yet also terribly insecure. So I don’t know if she feels inferior to anyone she’s met, because she has a quiet confidence in her abilities. Just not her worth as a person. 

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?

BOY HOWDY DOES SHE. And sadly, it’s easy to see how she came to that conclusion. Her parents weren’t abusive in a way she recognized, but things like explaining to a five year old that the picture book she wants to share with you is stupid and all the reasons why taught her that her authentic interests were Bad. And so she grew up hiding things she liked and that lead to only the facade she presented to people receiving any validation or love rather than her genuine self. Then combine survivor’s guilt and she starts to believe that even if she could be loved, she doesn’t deserve it anyway. 

She gets a lot better over time. The fact that Valentine and Hancock both fall more and more in love with her with every crack in the mask they glimpse is exactly what she needs. 

 25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

Unless you count her parents, who betrayed her by subjecting their kid to extreme emotional neglect, not really. Though that says more about how few people she trusts than anything. She’s usually the one betraying people, cause that’s what spies do. 

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

That’s a tough one. Darling mostly wants to either not exist or be a completely different person, which I think is a bit outside the scope of ‘one thing.’ Once she’s in a better place, I think she always wishes she could tell Valentine and Hancock that she loves them more easily. 

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?

Girl has tried to assume guilt for the wrongdoings of the entire Institute, just because Shaun is her biological child. So yes. She tends to assume that she is either the cause of everyone’s problems or that if she should be able to fix them if she just tried harder. 

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?

Her story takes place over a long time, so it depends. I don’t think she’s ever comfortable until the polyamorous V with her, Valentine, and Hancock has settled into something stable. Then she’s happy as a detective, and she’s finally getting her emotional needs met. She actually make strides in her recovery.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?

(+9 from Kas’ earlier ask)

4. How many languages do they know?

I think she’s fluent in English and French. I’m not sure why she knows French at this point, but for some reason I just think it fits. And if she were going to study a language in school, I don’t think the pre-war fallout setting would be particularly keen to teach Chinese or Slavic languages (commie languages!!!!) in school. And Spanish is for The Help. So French it is.

Despite having no formal language, she does have a good knowledge of both Spanish and Luisiana Creole because she spent a lot of time with the maids and cooks her parents employed. She never had anyone else to talk to, and Darling loved learning new things so learning bit of a new language to to have some sort of communication was the natural choice. 

9. Why is their name, their name?

In a meta sense, Sofia comes from browsing the list of names Codsworth would recognize and choosing one I liked. I came up with Darling a bit later, and honestly I don’t remember how I got there all that well. I think I wanted something that felt complimentary to Valentine. At some point my brain remembered Wendy Darling from Peter Pan. It was weird at first, using an endearment for her last name–particularly since she goes by Darling almost exclusively. But now it just sounds like a name in my head. 

In universe, she goes by Darling, which is actually her maiden name because in the Wasteland no one has to know the horror of her married name. No one deserves the last name “Seaman.” Especially not when it alliterates with your first name. 

12. How do they cope with struggles?

Poorly.

Oh you wanted something more? Darling has suffered pretty severe emotional neglect her whole life. As a result, she never had anyone to confide in or ask for support. So she tends to internalize and hide any negative feelings. Her typical response is to throw herself into her work, what ever that may be at the time. A lifetime of neglect and hiding has formed a profound feeling of worthlessness in her. She under the (wrong) impression that she is both unable to love and unlovable herself. And since she doesn’t matter, she can give everything she has to her work, because if she’s doing something worthwhile then maybe she can continue to justify her existence. 

She does get a lot better over time. The Wasteland is so good for her. Once she starts to find her place with her new friends and loves, she starts to cope in healthier ways. She’ll always be a bit of a workaholic, but she’s not alone anymore. She has a number of lovely friends and two men who adore every bit of her. 

25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work?

God she’d prank everyone tbh. She and Hancock are always low key at war with each other in terms of pranks and messing with each other. I don’t have anything specific from Fallout, but this is something she did to Hancock in our DnD game: Darling got a Key of Locking, which is a key that will magically shift to fit any lock, but can /only/ lock it. So she sneaks into Hancock’s chambers and locks every single thing she can. It works in that she drives Hancock totally up the wall. 

Perhaps the only thing her friends hate more than her childish prank war with Hancock is when the two team up. Both of them are too smart by half and they tend to wind each other up when they’re together so things can get…out of hand. But neither of them are interested in hurting people or causing genuine distress. Think a lot of Jim’s pranks on Dwight from the Office. That’s to sort of stupidly elaborate things they come up with. 

30. What music do they enjoy?

She’s a reasonably talented pianist and singer, so she likes things she can play and things she can sing. Beyond that, she has a pretty eclectic taste. The unifying thing about the music she likes is a sense of authenticity. She doesn’t like things that sound like the instruments and/or vocals have had a lot of mixing or editing. 

Aside from that, she’s got favorite music in pretty much all genres except specifically electronic ones. She’s got a love for songs with interesting lyrics or meter or rhyming. 

56. Would they die for anyone/anything?

Yes, and she’s come close to proving it on a number of occasions. Part of it plays into the sense of worthlessness she feels, that she’s more than willing to die for her causes. But once she finds love with Valentine and Hancock, her devotion to them can be downright scary. She’d tear apart the world to protect them. In pretty much every case that’s come up, her love stays a source of resolve and strength that allows her to do incredible things. But like Helen and I had to rework how we were exporting Valentine to our DnD campaign because where it was going seemed like he’d have to be sacrificed in order to save the world, and Darling…wouldn’t. Fuck the world, no one is taking her partner from her. She’ll find another way, or watch the world burn before letting him go. 

Thankfully that’s a pretty exceptional circumstance, and her love remains a force for good in everything I’ve done with her. The ferocity of her feeling for Valentine and Hancock is the biggest source of power she’s got (my lovely little knight of heart). 

75. What is their biggest fear?

I’ll separate these into sort of existential fear and everyday fear. 

In the Wasteland, she’s scared that she was the wrong person to survive. That someone else deserved it more, and that every second she isn’t actively doing something worthwhile is a second she is betraying that hypothetical person. Someone as worthless as her can’t deserve a place here. And sort of continuing from that, no one will ever love someone as worthless as her. 

Her biggest everyday fear is terrible claustrophobia. Being trapped, especially underground, will induce panic attacks. She often manages it pretty well, and can do missions in Vaults and underground places if she’s got Valentine or Hancock there to keep her steady. But she’s had enough traumatic experiences underground for it to always be very difficult. Even a place as big as the Institute sends her into near total meltdown. 

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves? 

I’m not exactly sure how to answer this one, because while she considers most people’s wellbeing above her own, she is also very aware that she is of best use to people alive and healthy. She’s a planner and a strategist. She looks at the big picture even if she tends to be a bit impulsive in the moment. The only one she has thrown all her strategy and subtlety and knowingly made stupid decisions for is Valentine. Though the only reason she hasn’t done the same for Hancock is because he probably initiated the stupid idea before she could. 

86. How do they cope with anger?

Anger is fuel. It can keep her going when pretty much nothing else can. There’s a reason wrath is not her sin. Despite having a lot of anger she uses it exceptionally well. She works as a spy through much of her early Wasteland life, and being able to channel her rage into batteries to run on later. Not let it interfere with the task at hands. Which is how she can be so affable and convincing in her role as a spy in the Brotherhood and then the Institute. 

93. How do they deal with stress?

This is basically the same as the one above, so I’ll answer a different one that I want to answer bc i don’t care, I’m a bear. 

81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant?

Darling has two tattoos. One is sweet. The other is fucking stupid. The stupid one came first. She and Hancock were high as fuck (prelude to a number of their misadventures, bless) and somehow she got talked into getting a tattoo. Now what is the historical John Hancock most famous for? Having the biggest goddamn signature on the Declaration of Independence. So she got that signature tattooed. On her ass. Because Valentine wasn’t around and he is about 90% of her impulse control and Hancock just makes her worse. Despite it being the dumbest thing, Darling is actually rather fond of it, and declined to get it removed. It sort of seems to sum up who she and Hancock are as a couple. They’re best friends, and basically the same soul in two bodies. They’re relationship is all about joy and fun and intuitive understanding and yeah, that includes doing stupid things on a concerningly regular basis. But they always make it through and get one hell of a story out of it.