#soe2016

You ever have those days where you deeply know you are walking intimately with God, but you just don’t feel it? Today was one of those days for me. Now don’t get me wrong, God very clearly showed me that I was hearing clearly, but I just wasn’t “feeling” it. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. But I’m a huge physical touch (love languages!) person so God shows me through His touch a lot.

So I was really distracted by my singleness today. I feel almost bad for saying that because just yesterday, God was really showing me His Love for me, like as my most Intimate One, the Only One. But I just had a hard time “feeling” it today. I pressed in hard today while in worship but again, I wasn’t feeling it. And we went out to UNC Chapel Hill to love on people and share about Jesus with them, but I just was so unsure about everything. My faith was definitely ebbing and flowing in and out. And even though in my mind I knew all the people we were meeting were totally God-appointed (I mean, this older man retired from NY who was studying Buddhism and is now a Hindu, like that’s so crazy right? And the security guard from the County I used to work in?), but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was just so distracted. Not because I desired a husband per se, and I wasn’t really desiring a companion either. But I was just struggling. 

(Ok, side note, this is so unrelated but like baby ants are crawling out of my MacBook as I type. The enemy usually sends bugs to try to get me to stop doing something but I just crush them if they’re not poisonous. This is so weird there’s like baby ants crawling out randomly of my keyboard. I don’t know where they’re coming from!)

After an amazing time at UNC, and God was giving me a hope and a compassion for the school and the students and professors and staff, but like, I just wasn’t feeling it. It was such a bizarre feeling especially after so many days of just so clearly feeling the Lord you know? 

I got to speak words of wisdom over a girl about her fear (which, TRUST ME, was the last thing I wanted to talk to anyone about. We all like to give “good words” and “nice” words but sometimes God wants to give words of conviction that convince people to trust Him and His love!) and she said it was spot on. So that helped build my faith up a bit. Then I had dinner with this amazing girl in my class and we shared our testimonies and stories of overcoming and breaking chains so that also helped, too. Just worship I think in reminding ourselves what God has done in our lives and each other’s lives was good.

We went back to church because we had a guest speaker (Jim Critcher) for the night and he was speaking on some really revelatory things about fixing our eyes on what is unseen, not on what is seen. And how God is raising us up to call out the divine purposes of people around us, and thereby calling people back into His fold. I was like, oh yes, that is for me! Haha. 

He finishes the message and I get distracted again.

And a girl comes up to me named Mary Beth and speaks exactly what I need to hear in that very moment:

I felt like God was saying, “I’ve been speaking into your soul this whole message speaking directly to you.” And He’s saying, “You are so beautiful. You are so beautiful. You are just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He’s just ravished by you. He just looks at you and He’s like, “Oh my gosh, I’ve made her so well, like, she’s so perfectly made.” And He just wants you to just let that sink into your heart. And let that be your identity. Not to be a place of pride but He’s just breaking chains off of you. He’s literally giving you new eyes to see yourself as his gorgeous bride. “My heart throbs for you. You’re just so wonderfully made.” 

You’ve made deep commitments to Him and you just love Him so much and He values that so much. He loves your heart for Him. He loves the freedom that you feel for Him. He’s going to use you to minister this very message to so many women. So many women are going to hear this message that they are beautiful and they are loved and He is the bridegroom. You’re going to minister that to so many women because you have that revelation and He’s just been setting it into you especially at this School of Empowerment. “This is your identity that you are My bride.” 

I see you ministering to all these women and there are these miracles and signs and wonders that will mark your life and so many miracles. As you step out in faith and just trust Him, all these things are going to happen around you and you’re going to be like, “Whoa!” It’s because it’s real and He’s working on the inside of you and He’s going to use you to reach the multitudes for His glory. And there’s a particular glory that is flowing off of you. It’s just like you’re stepping into more of the glory of God and you’re just going to see that shining more vibrantly in the next season. More and more throughout your life, but just continue to walk with Him, step into that, and just trust that He is really calling you into greatness with Him. He has a major destiny for your life. I see you in other nations. He’s going to use you and I see you setting captives free. You’re just loving on the orphans, and the poor, and the needy, and the hurting and broken, and you’re just going to wrap your arms around them and love them with the Love of God and they’re going to get set free and healed and you’re going to see emotional healing and inner healing and casting out demons and just all these things are going to mark your life. The Lord is going to show you things in advance too and you’re just going to step right into it. And He’s really going to order your steps and your path. 

So get excited and let that sink in! And just watch what He does.“

These training days at School of Empowerment are packed! Today was simply a taste of heaven on earth.

Today I had the honor and privilege to serve alongside Ileia and co. and learn from her. It’s really been a while since I’ve felt the freedom to lead exactly how I felt the Lord was leading. I understand the importance of submitting to leadership and knowing your congregation/audience. But just to freely be as David was before the Lord... MAN! What Freedom and Privilege! We were created to worship! When we don’t worship God, we worship something else...

Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!”

David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.”

-- 2 Samuel 6:20-22

There’s something so mysterious and awesome and real and divine about worshipping in Spirit and in Truth. You know, when God gives you a song and you just sing it out? Or God gives you a word and you just speak it? Or when God says, just jump! Or he might tell you to kneel before him and motion what you’re singing. Dance! Or He speaks directly to your heart while you sing, “I am a child of God.” When all our voices and instruments gel together just perfectly. As you follow Him and bless Him, He pours out His pleasure and joy upon you.

It’s better than magical... It’s DIVINE.

It’s more than beautiful... It’s GLORIOUS.

God reveals a side of His character when we BEHOLD Him.

Then, we walked through some neuroscience and biblical foundations for emotional healing. I was asked to hold the mic for Pastor Jim Laffoon while he was ministering to a few folks and I felt like God was encouraging me to try to discern and see what God was saying about each individual. It was powerful. I was like, man, I really missed this, too! It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone get deliverance from a demonic influence in their life. But it just broke my heart to see what the enemy and sin has done in some people’s lives, the hurt, the abuse, the pain. I just felt a deeper desire to be used to bring God’s healing into people’s lives.

The last thing of the day was an intimate group of people who wanted some training on worship, led by Ileia. She was speaking about the 7 words in Hebrew for “worship”. There’s so much depth to the word that we kind of lose the meaning. It was awesome to learn from Ileia and the other worship leaders. One of my favorite nuggets is one of the seven hebrew words for “praise”:

Tehillah  תְּהִלָּה – to sing hallal (think, hallelujah!), a new song, a hymn of spontaneous praise glorifying God in song

Psalm 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

Psalm 40:3 He has put a new song in my mouth — praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.

Have you ever had the experience of someone speaking to you and it almost feels like it bypasses your mind’s processing and filtering system, and goes directly to the heart? Today was one of those days.

Three ministers at the School of Empowerment spoke prophetic words to me and I can tell you, they’re spot on. Most of us who didn’t grow up in the charismatic or Pentecostal traditions might freak out when we heard the word “prophecy” but it just means hearing and speaking what we hear from God. I could go into a whole explanation about why we need to test words of prophecy but for now, I’ll just leave you with this: 

But the one who prophesies speaks to people for their strengthening, encouraging and comfort. (1 Corinthians 14:3)

As it says, the words you receive should edify, encourage, and comfort. It doesn’t mean you won’t hear things that cut straight to the heart (the Word of God is always a double-edged sword that pierces), but it does mean that it should help you know God better, and know that God knows you better than you think. This was only a ten minute clip that I recorded and transcribed below! Keep in mind, I just met Earl and Pastor Reggie during this session. Kenny is my friend but the things he said seriously spoke directly to my heart (ie. my love for precious gems and jewels that need to be dug up from the depths of the earth -- God always uses that imagery to talk to me about my worth. Never told Kenny that before!)

TLDR: Basically, spend time with the Lord in the Bible so you know His voice, in prayer and stillness so you can hear His voice. He does speak very clearly, but we are so good at filtering Him out and listening to the noise around us instead. God loves you so much he wants to speak directly to you, to build you up, to encourage you, and to comfort you. When people speak words to me, it mainly confirms things God has already told me before, but sometimes God will deliver it in a different way out of His mercy for me to hear better. :)

EARL

Katherine you know a lot of times sometimes God just likes to brag about you to certain people?

I was seeing that God was going to his weapon--like a, like a shed going to get certain different weapons and He grabbed His SWORD OF TENDERNESS and he said, My Tenderness is one of my sharpest weapons that I have. And he said, there are literally times you sit and you look at people’s eyes and you don’t have a stern or hardcore look, but it’s like a look and a tenderness that really breaks people down inside of their hearts.

He was just saying, “My daughter over there is going to be an awesome mother.” There are times you even mother people now and don’t even be afraid of certain men coming into your life and you being able to sit there and give them motherly advice and it’s going to be a motherly advice impacted with empathy. There’s a really deep empathy inside of you and because of that I see God making you a great intercessor with people and He said I can even see you walking in your room even now just interceding on behalf of people and there’s going to be a really deepening of the Holy Spirit. He’s going to impress on your heart because there are people He’s going to need you to literally break and cry for.

He just wanted to let me know He’s so deeply proud of you. And do you write? (Me: I just started a blog.) That’s Jesus! (Me:Yes it is Jesus!) He said He’s so proud of the way you write. You know how it talks about “let your meditation be pleasing to the Lord.” He says your writing is pleasing to me and he said he’s going to allow certain people to become impacted because of your writing.

Pastor Reggie

You know I heard as Earl was just prophesying over you that God’s finger is writing on you now. Your writing, He’s writing on your heart. He’s instilling new vision in you.

I hear burden-bearer and that’s not always bad because it means you can cast your burdens on the Lord, but what I felt like is that sometimes you can feel guilty. And you feel guilty that something did not happen in someone else’s life that you really could not control. and I just really felt like God, as much as you like to hover over people, God wants to teach you in this season to release them to Him. Because you felt like it was my fault and I could’ve done something and I constantly see even as a young lady, when you were young, the finger was pointed at you, the Enemy pointed at you “This is your fault”, this thing happened its your fault. And you’ve kind of allowed yourself to live under this thing of condemnation and fault-finding, this spirit of accusation, and the Lord just wants to free you from accusation where you can be free because even though sometimes you love people, getting closer, you wonder if you get closer to them if something happens to them, is this going to be my fault? You see that if something doesn’t transpire or take place, I see they need this, but if it doesn’t happen, you know, in their lives, am I going to be the one that is kind of accused of this? God is saying that My Daughter, I am FREEING you from this. It is not your fault. LEAVE this in My hands. I know you did everything you could to shape someone or help someone, but at a certain time I am the One that takes over. That takes over and molds a person. So I’m going to begin to give you a discernment about how that happens and you’re going to LIVE LIGHTER. You’re going to live lighter. And not only will you live lighter from the burdens, but you’ll live lighter from being able to see who I am and what I am doing in people’s lives, and partner with me and come alongside that.

The LORD says, My daughter, you are not inept, you do not have an inability in you to see great change take place. As already been said, you’re going to see powerful things happen and prophetic intercession for you as well, but in terms of your own ability. What’s happening is I’m looking for you to partner with Me. and really see things happening with me. For you to really jump into the stream of what I’m doing. I want to free you from the guiltiness the enemy has tried to bring on you as a result, and sometimes you’ve tried to be so hard on yourself about these things. So the Lord says, BE FREE, be free discover my blood and discover my ARM. The Arm of the lord is not too short to save. The arm of the LORD is not too short to save. So we are relying on HIM to do things. Great and mighty in our lives.

Kenny/KSwag

You’re awesome, Kat! (Me:You too!)

There’s just so much there. Really a depth. Like you see even in yourself you know there’s a lot of potential like I feel like I could be so much more. I have so much going on. Yet sometimes that gnaws at you in a not so fun way. Even as Reggie was talking about that guilt, “But I could do more!”

God is really saying I will mine it out. Because the riches that I want to pull out hands can’t reach. *sniff* The love That I want to pull out, your hands can’t reach. There’s so much there it’s all there he’s placed in it, you know how much God values you and loves you and cherishes you. And even the peace you have with him even like a tranquility you have with Him your soul, and even so, No eye has seen, and no ear has heard, and no man imagined the depth of the things God wants to pull out. And even so the dreams that He’s had for you, that you’ve seen only glimpses of you’re like “Wow, that’s so big! I want to do more!” But the bigger picture of what God wants to unmine you can’t yet see. Honestly just TRUSTING Him. Because as long as you’ve been waiting for it, God has been waiting a little bit longer. You know. (haha) But HIS timing is a lot better. Because He wants to bring it out without hurting you. Without forcing you. He’s not just trying to get the toothpaste out of a bottle like *ehh pleccht* it’s gone! But He wants to take it out with you in mind. You in mind. You’re not just somebody that’s He’s like, “I want to use you to get this done” as much as you want to do things because you want to bring glory to Him. But more so, he is far FAR more concerned with you and His relationship with you and developing you. Everything else is just a bonus.