I know it's been a while since I last was on here. My life has been a whirlwind since last August when my brother died. I was lost in my emotions and didn't know how to be human anymore. Nothing made me happy and I found myself crying nearly every single day.
It's a month before the year anniversary of his death and I honestly don't know what I feel. It still feels like some kind of sick joke...I keep thinking he'll just pop up with his goofy ass smile and act like nothing happened at all.
But besides that, I wanted to share some pretty big news with you all. A few months after my brother passed, I found out I was pregnant. With that news, I enrolled myself into therapy right away and things have been slowly getting okay.
I'm due this month and it's a little girl...which blew my mind. Y'all already know I have two boys. A girl is something I never planned for in a million years. I'm terrified at the idea of raising a daughter in this shit world, but I won't let her down. I know that my family has my back and her brothers will do everything to make sure she's good.
I am sorry for the lack of updates and new content but I can't force myself to write at all. I can't focus long enough to get more than maybe 500 words typed out. It's hard to jump back into my work and the thought of starting anything new makes me want to yeet myself off a bridge because I have so many unfinished works.
I would love to write again. I think it might even heal parts of me that refuse to even try to mend. I just don't have the energy for it...but who knows. I hope to full comeback soon, I miss it here with you.
I love you and I am always here if you need to chat,
