#so long ..

Darling~

When I heard this , I was just Like .. lol guess what I wanna die too lollol I just don’t know what else to do? So my dad wants me to spend a lot of time with him while I still have a lot of things to do and worry about ? They don’t even know what is going on in my fuckin life all they know is that I’m stupid kid like the other kid who always do shit things and do nothing else and that I’m happy and lazy as fuck , but I’m not , I’m dying inside and I have so many things to deal with and I have to do it on my own, I don’t know what can I do that you wanted to die ? Well just because you got oral cancer which caused by yourself ,Bc you smoked for like ur entire life and u feel sad I get that, we all were sad and worried, but this is something you should know about when you were smoking your freakin cigarette , and then u quit your the company you had , and was taking the medication and did the surgery as well since you knew u are sick , and now you have nothing to do , you now go to mums place to work for her , and you are at home most of the time , you cook every meal for us now and you do the chores now and now you felt lonely because you had nothing to do , and you wanted us to be your company , no you already missed the age of it , me and my brother are no longer 15 anymore , we have to deal with a lot of problems in our own life , we have school we have our things to do, it’s not like we didn’t spend time w you , we do it when we could , but it sounds like you were asking us to be with you the whole time , I don’t know you should think about us now not simply just yourself , I appreciate that you worked so hard to make the money but you didn’t took care of us when we were still kids , you went out with your friends and drink a lot of beer every night and came home in the morning , which is the time we went out to school , so we barely talk at that time , you were not in my childhood memories , just a little part of it , I even felt like I dont have a dad , you missed the time to spend with us , and now you are blaming on us for that , you think that we are being so ungrateful , no , I’m grateful and I tried my best to talk to you more often now , I am still trying now. But you can’t expect us to always be there for you , you need to find your interests and do what you like , seems you don’t have to work now , you got plenty of times , you basically have nothing to worry , you have money that you worked so hard for, and you should find something else to do in your life , make new friends and stuff … Not counting the days that we aren’t at home or wondering why you are so alone now , the truth is you aren’t , you just have too Much time right now and you didn’t do many things to fill the void , and I do love you dad , but this thing ? U can’t expect me to do anything for u , I’m so fuckin miserable and u don’t even know that and Im a mess I need to figure out my life and I am dealing a lot of things …, you just gotta find a thing you like and do it and go travel maybe and also make some nice friends who have the same interests as you …