#so grateful

Yay!! You guys the likes and comments on this loosely defined series has been so amazing. I’m just so happy and grateful for all you guys 🥹!! Please let me know if you want to be tagged or have any suggestion abt things that you would like to read. 🩷

Tags: SMUT, MDNI, 18++, Robby is devolving into his alter ego as a master manipulator and pervert (more in the next chapter), jerking off, older man, younger reader, kiddo as a nickname (purely self-indulgent), itty bitty panic attack, allusions to not so great home life and people pleasing energy but nothing explicit

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Series Masterlist

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Minutes turned into hours. Hours into days. And days into weeks. Time has passed since your unfortunate stint in the ER and your even more unfortunate conversation with HR. You went back to work thinking that nothing would change. And truth be told, nothing truly changed. But just like the fading scar on your cheek, you can try to forgive but it would be harder to forget.

Robby notices the small anomalies in your behavior instantly. Though you still flit around the department with a big smile on your face, always eager to lend a helping hand, he notices that loud, sudden noises and patients yelling across the room cause you to shrink in on yourself. He even caught you physically jump when Dana tried to grab your attention by tapping on your shoulder.

He wants nothing more than to scoop you up. Hold you tight to him just like he did in that corner not too long ago. But his resolve outweighs his desires. His only solace is to get closer to you as a mentor.

At the beginning he was doing you a favor, all of his other residents paired up. Mel followed Landon around, but he probably followed her around more. Santos and Whittaker were like two peas in a pod. McKay took Javadi under her wing. And as much as he observed you working with Mohan, he knew that he was the one that was going to be the one spearheading your medical education. It was a responsibility that he acquired as a result of his own actions of pulling you into every trauma case that he overtook. Watching you answer questions with increasing confidence and asking you to perform procedures versus just sitting back and staring in awe as Robby placed a chest tube or intubated.

His intentions started off innocent enough. After all he couldn’t just leave you to be by yourself, without the guidance of someone more advanced. (Robby chose to ignore the fact that he could’ve delegated your education to Mohan, who was more than capable of the role). You needed him to teach you how to work through the traumas and intubations, he justified. But somewhere in the thick of things, his attitude towards you shifted. It was no longer about talking you through the chest tube but standing right behind you, his larger hands encasing yours to guide the scalpel as you cut at the 4th intercostal space.

“Beautiful job kiddo.” He leaned back to watch you finish the procedure yourself. You looked up at him. The joy in your eyes knocked the breath out of his lungs. He never had anyone look at him like he hung up all the stars in the night sky.

“Thank you Dr.Robby, I couldn’t have done it without your help.” His decades of toil to the ER had done nothing but take. It took his multiple failed marriages, his presence at family gatherings, his sanity, and even his ability to feel joy. But it would’ve all been worth it if he could just keep you by his side. His name had never sounded so fucking sweet except when it fell from your lips.

Robby knows he shouldn’t. He’s so much older than you. Years of his life were filled with dark memories that he wouldn’t wish on your shadow. He really shouldn’t. But his mind goes back to your body in his arms. The scent of shampoo sometimes wafts through the rooms and reminds him of his chin on your soft head and how it fits so perfectly into the curve of his neck.

He tries his best not to let his hands or his gaze linger. To keep it professional. He knows that he’s getting strange looks from his staff, mainly Dana. It wasn’t that Robby hated new trainees, but he never took such an interest in them before you.

You were just so fucking good to him. And he knows it’s perverted but it almost makes him think about how fucking good you could be to him in other ways. He can sense it in you. Your rampant desire to be praised. Always searching his face with those big beautiful eyes for any semblance of pride. You would be such a good little listener. Eagerly anticipating his needs just as you already do in the trauma rooms.

“Dr.Robby?” He whips his head around, schooling his features into a mask so that you would have no way into his dirty thoughts.

“Yea, kiddo?”

You wrinkle your nose, “Why do you call me that?”

“Do you not want me to?”

“No I didn’t mean that“ you can feel your ears start to warm.

Robby chuckles. “I’m just teasing ya. Old habits die hard, I guess. Did you need me for something?”

Maybe to run my hands through your hair and help you unwind from the stress and open up-

“Yea, I wanted you to review this chart if you wouldn’t mind.”

“For you, I don't mind.”

He knows he’s laying it on thick. Flirting with you in the hub of the ER where anybody could hear your conversation. But he doesn’t care. The only thing that he’s paying attention to is whether or not you react to his quip. You don’t. Instead you turn your chair the other way to pull up the records in his computer.

He sighs dejectedly.

“Is something wrong with the chart? Did I not document everything right? I knew there was a mistake somewhere. I’m so sorry, I’ll do better next time.” You anxiously ramble out. Hands shaking while frantically trying to click through every medication order to triple-check the dosing information.

Robby looks confused for a second before realizing that you spiraled into a tirade after thinking that his self-serving disappointment was directed towards you. He felt like an ass.

“C’mon breathe with me” his palms come to rest on your heaving shoulders. You’ve worried yourself into a panic attack.

“Look at me,” he turns your body to face him, “I am not disappointed in you. You didn’t make any mistakes. I was thinking about something else, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

It didn’t matter that what he was saying was the antidote to your misery because your field of vision and hearing already narrowed. The words coming out of Robby’s mouth sounded like the adults mumbling away in the Charlie Brown movies. Like an evil cotton was stuffed in your ears, warping everything that he was saying.

But the chaos of the ER doesn’t allow you to fully drown underneath the voices in your head telling you that you’re weak, and broken, and a waste of space. The shrill laugh of one of the nurses snaps you out of your haze with a sting.

You finally look at Robby, his words from earlier overcome the lag and sink in.

I’m not disappointed in you.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

It was almost enough to send you down into a spiral again. But you’re a big girl now, or at least a poorer girl after trying to invest in a therapist, and you manage to keep the tears at bay.

“Sorry, Dr.Robby, I don’t know what came over me.” You whisper quietly. Your fingers move quickly as you try to log out of the computer so that you can escape his penetrating gaze.

“Right…” he's not convinced at all. He’s seen the signs before and he should’ve clocked them in you long before today. In fact, he probably would’ve if he wasn’t so focused on everything else about you.

“If you want, you can talk to me about anything” he offers before realizing that you’ve scampered off, ducking through the sea of nurses and lastly disappearing into one of the patients rooms under the guise of checking in on them.

“You need to stop what you’re doing Robby.”

His eyes remained on the spot that once contained your presence but his ears perk up at the sound of Dana’s voice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Dana.”

“Yes you do. And I’m telling you to not do it.”

“I’m not doing anything”

“I know you. You search in all these empty rooms Robby hoping to find someone to share your loneliness with. But you can’t take her down with you. Not this one.” She states resolutely.

“You’re being harsh.”

“You stare at her like she’s the only worthy thing in your life. That’s not good for you or her. Because you’re too scared of anything that lasts longer than a month.”

“That’s not true, Dana. I was married for years.”

“Yea and you were checked out of that relationship for longer than you were checked in.” She chuckles.

“All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t let her be your mid-life crisis. She’s a forever kind of girl, so don’t string her along if you can’t give that to her.”

+++

After that conversation with Dana, Robby tried to be more mindful of his lingering touches. At least trying to keep it professionally acceptable when she’s looking. But he couldn’t go cold turkey. Now that he’d gotten a taste for his name coming out of your mouth, his mind transforms your innocent little sighs when charting to take place in a more sinister setting. With you all needy and pliant in his bed. Gasping up at him for more. Where he knew he could never say no to you.

Robby almost loses his mind when he sees you stretching in the locker room after a really straining shift. You were too focused on working out the kinks in your back to notice that your scrub top had ridden up enough to expose a soft expanse of skin. That coupled with the small moan that spilt out of your lips with a particularly good ‘crack’ had him running to the staff bathroom hoping that no one would see the growing tent in his cargos.

He swung the door open and locked it immediately. Robby didn’t even need to close his eyes to imagine you kneeling down next to him looking up expectantly. His fingers made quick work of the button on his pants and flung them down. And then began to palm at the base of his cock. He could almost replace his calloused hand with your softer one in his mind. You would dart out to lick your lips nervously, fingers delicately making their way up and down the shaft.

“Am I doing it right Dr. Robby?”

The words would come out of your mouth. Softly. Laced with uncertainty. Robby’s other palm slammed against the wall. The only thing keeping him from sinking into the linoleum floor.

Fuck.

His breaths came out in short bursts. The idea of you worshipping him from the ground, looking to him for guidance almost made him cum on the spot. And oh would he guide you. Every touch on your body would make you beg and plead for more. He’d dole out sparingly praise like treats to keep you tightly wound to him.

You were such a sweet thing. So much younger than him. So eager to help him and be a good girl. So fucking eager.

Short bursts of cum shoot out of him. Hips stuttering at the idea of corrupting you. Doing anything he wanted to you and you would let him get away with it.

Fuck.

The aftershocks of the orgasm quickly fade, leaving the guilt remaining. He tries to rinse it away like the mess on his hands but he couldn’t. This was a new low for him. The harsh lighting in the bathroom warps his reflection in the mirror. It reveals that he no longer feels on top of the world. He feels like a dirty, perverted man, jerking off to fantasies of someone young enough to be his daughter. And perhaps the only person in the world that doesn’t see anything but good in him. And fuck if he doesn’t want to ruin you

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Happy 8th Anniversary!! 8 is fate!!!

Dear Fandom, Dear Mr. Pratchett,

I hope this isn´t weird but i have something to confess.

Since I watched the second season of Good Omens, I've gone through so many phases that I barely recognize myself anymore.

My first reaction after episode 6 was shock, then I was disturbed because I didn't know that it was possible for a series to have such a strong influence on my psyche, I questioned myself and doubted my sanity. Then I was overcome by an incredible sadness and was really heartbroken. I felt like a pubescent teenager, in my mid-30s. I couldn't sleep properly for several days, had nightmares and my thoughts were with these two ineffable loving idiots the whole time.

And the worst thing about it was that for the first few days I was really ashamed to admit to myself and my husband that I was completely and hopelessly immersed in this world. I did nothing but watch videos, listen to sad songs, and read heartbreaking fanfictions for days. And of course I read the book again and watched the series over and over again. All in the hope that it will ease my heartache a little.

But as is often the case in these situations, after a few days in which no real change occurs, you have the thought that you will be lost in this feeling forever. But since I have 3 children that I need to look after, of course locking myself away for weeks with heartbreak wasn't an option, so I had to find an outlet for myself to channel my pain.

So I started painting a picture. By Aziraphale and Crowley. And stroke by stroke I let my feelings flow out of me and into the picture.

It took over a week until I had a motif in which I could see my thoughts and feelings expressed and then it took another week until I finished the picture. On an old canvas with paints that haven't been used for a long time, with many, many layers of old paint underneath.

But when the picture was finally finished, it really took a load off my mind. It was like I had broken a dam and was finally able to let it all out and convert it into creative energy.

But I think the most important thing was that I uploaded the picture to Tumblr and received such a response that I was incredibly touched and immediately motivated to paint more pictures.

Since that day, hardly a moment goes by when I am not holding a pen in my hand or not thinking about a new picture. I'm in one of the most creative phases in a very long time and I'm really enjoying it.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people here! Here I see that I'm not alone with my strange feelings that I still don't really know how to classify. Here I read thoughts that are so similar to mine, here I see works of art that melt my heart, here I feel understood!

And I am so grateful for the pain that showed me the way back to my creative energy!

Thank you Fandom!

Thank you Terry Pratchett!

I would have been lost without you!