#snowwest

Caitlin suddenly coughed, putting a hand to her throat to play it off. But Cisco was too involved with helping Barry track a getaway car to notice her, and she slowly walked away, clenching her jaw to keep herself from coughing too loud as she made her way to the bathroom.

She barely made it to the sink before it forced itself up from her throat—'it' being a bundle of cherry blossom petals. Caitlin grabbed onto the sink to steady herself as the gagging racked through her body, doubling over the sink as more flowers propelled into the sink.

Tears prickled in her eyes as she heaved quick breaths of air between waves of getting the flowers out of her stomach. Blood covered cherry blossom petals settled in the bottom of the sink, clashing against the white porcelain of the bathroom sink. She'd looked into the meaning of the flower after the first petal. Life. Innocence. Purity. Beauty. In some cultures, they relate to the fleetingness of life. Caitlin had memorized every article, every piece of information about the mysterious flowers that plagued her. She still had yet to tell anyone. What could they do? Her only choice would be to let Frost take over for longer periods of time, to heal her body. Until Caitlin could fix herself. Until she could get over her feelings. But she wasn't sure she could.

Her knuckles strained with the tightness of her grip. She was too far along to stop it. Caitlin had studied this in college, thoroughly interested in the situations in which hanahaki disease occurred. She never thought it'd happen to her. She never thought she'd fall in love with someone so deeply and have to watch them love someone else. She always thought she'd leave if that happened, get away from the situation and hope her feelings went away far before she developed the disease. But things were more complicated than that now. She couldn't leave Team Flash. She couldn't get away from her, either.

Iris. How ironic that the center of Caitlin's desire and disease, was named after a flower. It felt fitting. Caitlin stood up after she was sure her stomach was empty, wiping her mouth.

She stared at herself in the mirror. Caitlin couldn't tell her. Iris would surely reject her. She wasn't sure if she could face that. Caitlin was already in delicate standing with the team, still finding her footing after her mistakes with Savitar, then Amunet. She couldn't afford to make it worse. She couldn't lose her friends. She couldn't lose Iris. Caitlin would rather have her in her life than not, even if it would make it easier to get over her to be away from her. It most likely wouldn't, seeing as Caitlin had taken space from the team, partially to find herself, partially to separate from the origins of her illness.

It hadn't helped. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and all.

"Caitlin?"

Caitlin whipped her head to the open doorway—she'd forgotten to close it in her rush to not spit petals all over the floor—to see Cisco staring at her with wide eyes. His gaze fell to the sink, full of her petals and blood and shame.

She hesitated. Would he tell Iris? Could she trust him? What if he thought he was helping? Caitlin had to make him promise not to tell. It would be the only way.

But, to her surprise, Cisco didn't pester her with questions. He stepped closer, holding his arms out for a hug. She nodded slowly, taking the initiative to wrap her arms around his waist and burying her head in his shoulder.

She sniffed, realizing she wasn't just crying from the force of throwing up anymore. "Oh, Caitlin.." Cisco mumbled, rubbing her back. "I'm here. We'll figure this out."