#snooktxt

it's raining, i love rain listening to music on rain i love listening to music

i've been finding myself in the anger phase of the end of a friendship again, again the same friendship i've been trying to kill for the past year, I've been wanting to close James out of my life for a really long time, but he was always a bit too smiley for me to simply break off He is a nice person, magnetic and seems perfect, I've discovered his flaws and yet his way of speaking is still very hypnotizing, his view of others always made me fear the loss of him, and once I forgave for his mistakes again and again(and again), he became an older brother, like we were from the same blood, as we both have so much in common, he'd get me too much and I both get him too much, I let him be the mentor of my life, it's a mistake I kept doing, trying to find a mentor, and he loved it, feeling superior and judging my every action, bringing a side of me I'm hated so much because I thought he'd feel more proud of me, I didn't ended because of this though, I ended because the moment I stopped being this he showed disapproval, and so again I felt so much the need to impress him, and this time not out of love but out of hate, like I have to prove that I can be better without him, how can everyone be a bad person to him and he doesn't see himself as having any flaws out of his own head? His lack of empathy was poisoning me, I loved you like a brother yet you saw yourself so much above, I'll never understand why

So it's over, and I still fear his whispers to someone on seeing me somewhere, an angst I have felt many times before, I still fear him seeing me happy, and belittling me; I fear him, for I see him as a person that, on the outside, is so perfect, he knows how to hide his uglyness so well I might as well be the only person that ever saw it, maybe cause he's a little too much like me and I understood every word he had the guts to say, words I hated to even think, how can I not fear the judgment of someone so perfect?