-Draco was so goddamn excited and it was obvious he wanted the ferret so so bad. Which Harry thought was both hilarious and adorable. 

-“I thought you wanted a cat.”

“Why would I want a normal cat when we can get this adorable noodly cat instead?” Draco stared at this ferret with heart eyes and Harry knew they would be taking the noodle home with them.

-Only they don’t get to take him home. It turns out that the ferret had only recently been brought in after it was found outside so there is a waiting period to see if the original owner came to collect the ferret they lost. 

-Draco was obviously worried that he wouldn’t get to keep the ferret but they put their names down, luckily they were first on the list, so they would be notified when the ferret was either claimed, or when they would be able to come take their baby home.

-Draco talked about wanting the ferret their entire walk home, worrying and hoping. 

-Harry tried his best to reassure Draco that they would be able to find another pet if this one was taken, at least if that happened, they knew that the owner loved the ferret. Draco reluctantly agreed and Harry silently hoped the ferret wasn’t claimed so Draco could get the pet he really wanted.

-About a week later, Harry heard Draco answer a call and then a minute later he was yelling and running down the hallway toward him. Harry was afraid something bad had happened until he registered Draco’s giddy smile and bright, excited eyes.

-”Harry! The ferret! We can take him home!” Draco yelled and he lept into Harry’s arms.

-”Oh my god, Draco! That’s amazing!” Harry caught Draco in a tight hug while Draco continued talking to the person on the phone.

-They told the rescue they could come get the ferret the next day as they needed to buy supplies before they could take the little guy home. Harry and Draco immediately ran to the pet store where Draco pulled out a list of supplies they would need that he apparently had been researching over the last week.

-They got everything and some toys and made it home for dinner and they were able to get everything set up for the next day before they needed to head to bed that night.

-Draco then realized he has an all day class requirement the next day, but Harry promised to pick up their new baby and bring him home so he’d be there when Draco returns.

-Draco was reluctant, but he really couldn’t miss this class so he agreed to have Harry do this for them. He’d have all evening to play with their new pet after all.

-Draco was almost too giddy to fall asleep, he kept talking about how he’d never had a pet and he couldn’t wait any longer, but Harry got him to calm down, and then finally to fall asleep.

-The next day Harry made his way back to the rescue to pick up the ferret.

-As he’s waited for a worker to be free to put the ferret in the travel cage he brought, he happened by the reptiles he didn’t even see last time they were visiting. Seriously, how big could this place be?

-He was looking in all the habitats when he saw a ball python that looked like a toasted marshmallow and immediately fell in love like Draco did with the ferret. 

-He didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with unfortunately though. Not like how Draco babbled his ears off when he saw the ferret. Harry just watched the little guy and wanted to hold it.

-Honestly he didn’t know the first thing about taking care of snakes but he always thought they were cool and cute. And okay, he really wanted to take this cutie home. They could handle two pets right? One would technically be Draco’s pet, and one would be Harry’s pet! Perfect!

-When the worker came to get him for their ferret and to fill out the paperwork, he asked her how one is supposed to take care of a snake and what kind of snake is this little guy? He wants to know everything she knows about snakes, please and thank you.

-The worker was very accommodating and told Harry everything she knew and then went to get the worker who knew the most about the reptiles. Harry then asked even more questions. They made a list on his phone of things he would need and how much of what and how big a tank would have to be to hold this guy.

-Harry just kept getting more and more excited the more they talked about it.

-Harry, knowing he had nothing for snakes, just like with the ferret, asked if it would be possible to put a hold on the little guy so he could go make a habitat at home for it before he took him home. The rescue gracefully allowed it and Harry was, again, even more excited.

-He almost ran out without the ferret or filling out the paperwork, but he wouldn’t tell Draco that.

-Finally though, he signed off and was able to take the ferret home for Draco.

-When they arrived home, he got the ferret into his new pen with his toys to wait until Draco arrived. He didn’t want to overwhelm the poor guy so he just sat outside of the pen to watch him explore his new home. And maybe he gave him a treat or two.

-While they waited for Draco, Harry started thinking about the snake again.

-He decided he would surprise Draco in a day or two when he would be able to take the next pet home. It would be more fun that way. Draco had another full day of classes soon when Harry didn’t, he could set everything up then.

-Draco arrived home about an hour later and he immediately ran to where they set up the pen for the little guy.

-”Dionysus! You’re home!” He crouched outside of the pen, sticking his hand inside so the ferret could come and sniff his hand.

”Dionysus?” Harry asked.

”Yes that’s his name. Ferrets are mischievous creatures and also very entertaining. Dionysus is the Greek God of wine, vegetation, pleasure, festivity, madness, and wild frenzy. I thought it would fit well.” Draco looks very proud of himself.

Harry snorts, “Okay, babe.” But I’m definitely only calling him Dion, or maybe Noodle, Harry thought.

-Watching Draco play with Dion for the next hour was very entertaining, but eventually he got up to start making them dinner. 

-When Harry called Draco for dinner and he didn’t come, Harry went back to the ferret pen only to find the two curled up and sleeping together. 

-Harry was immensely happy they happened by the little guy, Dion and Draco just seemed to be made for each other. White ferret, white blonde man, a match made in heaven, obviously.

—

-Dionysus was a mischievous bastard.

-It had only been two days, and both Harry and Draco already loved him to pieces but damn.

-The little guy was somehow able to get out of his pen and they had woken up to him sleeping in their bed in the morning (draped over Harry’s face, heaven knows how he didn’t wake up, Draco definitely took like 50 photos), he stole socks, and he was great at hiding, which was terrible for them.

-Oh, he also somehow knew how to get on top of the kitchen cabinets? Draco and Harry were seriously considering the fact that their new ferret was actually a wizard in hiding.

-Each time they thought they had fixed the pen escape problem, he somehow proved them wrong when they turned their backs. It was honestly quite amusing and they didn’t mind terribly, but they needed him to be contained while they were both out so they still needed to figure out what to do. They were thinking about just giving up and basically ferret proofing a room as much as they could and shutting the door while they were both out.

-The socks had been disappearing at an alarming rate, but they finally caught him in the act a few hours later and chased him to where he’d been hiding then behind a dresser. They keep their socks put away in the hamper now, *cough* Harry.

-They also quickly learned that treats were a great thing to lure him out of his hiding places but also they didn’t want him to gain too much weight and have a vet yell at them for it. So they did their best to find him themselves first. They hoped when he was used to his new home that maybe he’d calm down somewhat. But that was a test of time.

-”Maybe he needs a friend.” Harry said to Draco on their second evening with Dionysus. They were watching him run around the room, and sometimes he kind of played fetch.

-”Babe, I don’t think we can handle two of these things. I’m already exhausted from one ferret.”

”That’s true. Maybe more toys to keep him occupied.”

“He’s already got tons.” Harry just shrugged. He didn’t want to give away the surprise of the snake he was planning on bringing home tomorrow while Draco was away for the night visiting his Mum.

-The next day after Draco had left, Harry got Dionysus into his room with water and his toys, closed the door, and then made his way to a local pet supplies store. He needed a lot of stuff in a short amount of time.

-He was about a quarter of the way through the list he had acquired when he realized he really couldn’t do this on his own. Draco had helped with all the ferret supplies, and this was even more than that had been.

-He called Sirius.

-”Hey pub, what’s up?” Harry smiled at the old nickname.

“Hey Dad, I need your help, are you busy right now?”

“Well, I am in the middle of working on a prank for Remus, but that can wait. What do you need from me?” 

“Oh god, I can hear the glee in your voice, what are you doing to poor Pops this time?” Harry didn’t know if he should laugh or warn Remus. Probably the former.

“Well... I may be sewing the flies of a pair of underwear shut. Embroidering more like, actually. He gets dressed in the dark mostly so I figure he won’t notice this and then he’ll have pretty little designs, and a little signature of my initials when he’s trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.” Harry is laughing loudly in the middle of the pet store by the time Sirius is done.

“Good one, Dad. I won’t warn him, that’s pretty harmless. But you should embroider his initials or name on the back of that pair too like Moms used to do.”

“Harry, this is why you’re my favorite child. Maybe I’ll embroider my own initials there so people know he’s mine…”

“Sure Dad, okay. Anyway, could you meet me at the pet store by my place? On Claps Gate Lane?”

Sirius gasped, “A puppy?!”

“No, Dad, sorry. Something a little less furry. But I need your help getting supplies. I’ll tell you all about it if you meet me here.”

“Okay okay, I think I can get there in about 15 minutes. See you soon, Pup!”

––

-After Sirius had found him and Harry had finished telling him about Dionysus and him now planning for a snake, Sirius demanded he meet the new babies. As Harry had been planning to pick up his snake that day, he agreed as long as Sirius helped him set everything up.

-Sirius ended up calling Remus over to Harry and Draco’s place to meet the animals as well as help set up and it turned into a bit of a fun disaster. Harry took some pictures of Remus and Sirius meeting Dionysus and sent them off to Draco before he pulled Remus away to help him set up his snake enclosure. The sooner they got it done, the sooner he could go get the new baby.

-When they got everything done, with some minor mishaps, Harry left them to play with Dion and told them he’d be back soon.

-When he got to the animal rescue, the workers actually recognized him and moved to go get his snake right away while another printed out the forms they’d have him fill out before he could leave.

“Do you know what you’re going to name him yet?” asked the woman who brought over the snake in the traveling carrier.

“Well,” Harry started, looking at the snake fondly before moving to finish the forms, “he looks like a toasted marshmallow, I was thinking Toast.”

The woman chuckled, “Not Marshmallow?”

“Well that’s just a bit of a mouthful. And my boyfriend named the ferret we just got from here, Dionysus. I figured we needed one simple name.”

“Dionysus. Oh my god, that’s such a good name for a ferret though I love that. God of Madness, tell your boyfriend he’s a genius.”

“I think I won’t, I don’t need to inflate his ego. But thank you. Honestly, I’m sure he won’t like the name Toast, and he’ll pick some just as outrageous a name for this little guy too.”

-Soon enough Harry was driving back home with his new baby in the seat next to him. He was so excited to surprise Draco.

-When he walked through the door, Sirius came running. “Let me see him! Let me see him!”

“Okay okay, let me just put him in his habitat so he can start getting acclimated and then you can look all you want.”

-Sirius followed Harry, acting like the child in the relationship. But they both admired the little guy after he was put in the tank.

-”Have you named him?” Harry and Sirius both jumped, not having heard Remus walk up behind them.

“Gosh, Remus, you scared us!” Remus just smiled sheepishly.

“Yes, though I’m sure Draco will call him something posh, but I’m naming him Toast. He looks like a long toasted marshmallow. I think it fits.”

“I can definitely see the resemblance,” Sirius chuckled.

Remus smiled, “Your new pets seem to be a great new responsibility for you two, I think you’ll enjoy them both. You’ve always been weirdly fascinated with snakes, it only makes sense that you’d get one as a pet now.”

“Please tell me Draco’s reaction to the snake when he gets back.”

“Yeah okay, Dad, I will.”

“Siri, we need to get going if we’re going to meet Minnie on time for tea.” Remus told Sirius.

-They all got up to walk to the front door and say goodbyes, and then the two of them were gone and it was just Harry and the two new pets.

-He immediately ran back over to the snake to watch it with fascination.

–

-When Draco was set to be home any minute, Harry was waiting in the living room, bouncing on his toes. First because he hadn’t seen Draco for a while, and second because he wanted him to like their new snake. Toast seemed to be settling in easily enough. He spent a lot of time under his little shelter but Harry saw him out on the heated area sometimes too. Every time he did, he knew he had heart eyes and a big smile.

-Harry had also been playing with Dion too and he was perhaps calming down just a little bit. He seemed to like one of the balls they’d got him the most. He also liked sleeping in his little hammock, of which Harry had taken many photos.

-When Harry finally heard the key in the door, he ran over and engulfed Draco in a hug as soon as the door was open.

-”Whoa,” Draco laughed. “Hello to you too, I also missed you but I didn’t expect to get attacked before I even got in the door.”

Harry leaned up and kissed Draco. “I missed you and I’m excited to see you and I have a surprise for you!” Harry pulled him inside and shut the door behind him.

Draco raised a brow and smirked, “Oh? A surprise for me?” Draco moved his hands to cup Harry’s ass.

Harry retaliated with a pinch to Draco’s side and pulled away, “Not that kind of surprise.”

“Bummer,” he frowned, “What’s the surprise then, dear?”

-Grabbing Draco’s hand, Harry led him into the room where he had set up Toast’s habitat and beamed at Draco, bouncing once again.

“Oh my, what’s in here, babe?” Draco asked, leaning down to look into the tank, and then gasped and looked at Harry with wide eyes. 

-Harry just beamed brighter, and finally burst out saying, “It’s a ball python, isn’t he so adorable!?”

-Draco just looked back at the snake who was curled up under the heating lamp. 

-”Draco?”

”Harry. He’s very cute. But also, don’t snakes eat rodents?”

”Yeah?”

“Aaaand Dionysus is a rodent?” Draco looked back at Harry with slight concern in his eyes.

“Oh! Well… his food is baby rats. Not ferrets. I don’t think he’d be able to eat Dion, he’s too big for him?”

“Hmm. We’ll just have to keep an eye on them. To be careful. But to answer your first question, yes he is very cute, he even looks toasted. Have you named him?”

Harry chucked, “His name is Toast.”

Draco rolled his eyes in fond exasperation, “Of course that’s what you chose. But you are wrong! His name is Damocles!”

“Damocles? What the hell kinda name is that, Draco? I knew you’d pick something ridiculous.”

“Damocles is a perfectly respectable name, thank you very much.” Harry just shook his head in response.

–

-The next day Harry had taken Toast out of his tank to explore a little. Harry ran to the next room to grab his camera while Toast was chilling on a couch cushion when Draco came running in asking if he had seen Dionysus anywhere.

-Immediately on alert, Harry headed back to Toast to put him back in his home and help Draco look when what he saw stopped him in his tracks.

-”Oh my god, Draco! Come here!”

-Running into the room, Draco asked if he’d found him already.

-Harry just pointed to the couch. Toast was curled into a ball for protection while Dionysus sniffed all around the poor snake. But then Dion apparently decided Toast was acceptable and ended up curling himself around the snake to take a nap. 

-”I don’t know whether to be worried, or to melt from cuteness overload.” Draco whispered.

“Definitely the second option, they like each other!” Harry whispered back, but Draco’s face immediately turned to horror.

“Oh my god. Harry. They’re going to be absolute terrors! Dionysus is already a handful of mischievousness, and now add a snake to the mix?! Oh my god, I changed my mind, I’m terrified for my sanity!” Harry just laughed at Draco’s dramatics.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Draco. Maybe having a friend will calm Dionysus down?”

–

This is for @bisexualronaldweasley for putting up with my shit and yelling about snakes with me for like a month. The vote was a tie so I ended up choosing to post a headcanon first. I will be posting a social media post soon though, I promise. I also might end up doing a part two of this as well. I hope you all enjoy this!

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