#smittin

Welcome to everybody's favourite game show, Awkward Conversations!

I'm your host, Jim Fandom, and our first contestant today is suave, sophisticated lifestyle coach, Ms. Emma Woodhouse! Emma is being paired with IT guru and notoriously awkward dork, Bobby Martin. Emma will have just 25 seconds on the clock to find a topic of conversation that genuinely engages Bobby! Aaaaand...GO!

Emma starts off with the classic "How've you been?"--ooh, a total non-starter. Next, she tries referencing shared past experiences by pointing out her wrist cushion! An excellent try, but...nope, no interest there. Oooh, she's trying a complimentary angle for the wrist cushion, complete with raise-the-roof hand gestures! And...it's a total bust. She'd better pull something out fast, she's only got five seconds left! With just moments to go, she asks about Bobby's birdwatching hobby, aaaaand...bingo! He's smiling! He's turning around to answer her question, and--

PING!

[disappointed sounds from the studio audience]

Awwww, the bell has gone off before Bobby can finish his sentence! So close! Hard luck, Emma. Thanks for playing, we've got some lovely jams as a parting gift for you!

And now we move on to everyone's favourite part of the show, The Romance Round! Our next contestant is the ever-bumbling event coordinator, Ms. Harriet Smith! She will have just 80 seconds to successfully ask out our champion, Bobby Martin. He's alone in her office, so we're sending her right in! Aaaand...GO!

Amazing! Harriet engages Bobby immediately just by saying his name! Look at that, she's pulling up a chair just cool as a cucumber! She's not even looking at him and he's already asking her questions! What a pro! We may have a record-time win here, folks! Except...oh, no, he's turned back to the computer and there's a lull in the conversation. Harriet goes for the lame "it's been a while", but it actually works! He engages her in conversation once again - I've never seen anything like it! Now she's making a jokey reference to a classic cartoon...and he goes for it! They're talking about musicals! And she's complimenting him on his perseverance! Oh no...she's not following up on her lead! She's got just 15 seconds left on the clock and she's making small talk about her job. Folks, this could go south really fast. Oh, now he's talking about a mutual friend, this doesn't look good--

PING!

[disappointed sounds from the studio audience]

Too bad. Harriet looks very disconcerted...but wait...yes...the judges are so impressed with Harriet's performance that they are giving her an extra minute of time to seal the deal! And she rallies! She asks him about his birdwatching hobby - a sure conversation-starter for this tough nut! They're holding hands! She's complimenting him again! He's looking flustered! She's asking him out! Folks, I think we have a WIN!!!

[sudden shocked gasp from the studio audience]

Folks, I don't believe this, but Bobby has TURNED HER DOWN. He says he has another job after this! But Harriet rallies again! She casually asks for a raincheck! And...

[even more shocked gasp from the studio audience]

My god, she's been turned down cold. Bobby is actually getting up and leaving the room! Folks, Bobby Martin has left Harriet sitting there with a whole 10 seconds left on the clock!

I don't know what the heck happened there, but I've never seen anything like it before. Amazing try, Ms. Smith, we're sending you home with a lovely suite of accounting software.

...That B-Mart is probably going to keep making those cranes even after Harriet rejects him.

He will continue folding crane after crane after crane.

...All through the failed-Harriet-and-Elton arc...

...The failed-Harriet-and-Frank-Churchill arc...

...The failed Harriet-thinks-Knightley-likes-her arc...

And then, at last, after everything is settled and Emma finally leaves Harriet the eff alone to pursue her own romantic interests in peace...

...Bobby will finish his 1,000th crane and then, THEN...

Harriet will finally say yes when he asks her out again.