Smart Elevators for Dumb People
My husband and I got in an elevator with no buttons inside of it. Noticing our confusion, the young lady riding with us explained that you have to tell the elevator where you’d like to go *before* you enter it.I got out and said into what looked like a speaker, “Ground floor? Hello, Elevator?” Nothing happened. Because it’s an elevator, not freaking Siri.
Sensing my burgeoning senility, the young lady got out of the elevator and directed us to an iPad-like device, where she scrolled through the colorful logos of several destinations supported by the elevator. Embarrassed from my mistake and not accustomed to this level of hospitality from a stranger, when she asked, “Where you headed?” I panicked and blurted “Coffee Beanery.”
But there is no Coffee Beanery.
Yes, I made a stranger scroll through a terminal looking for a fictional coffee shop before panicking and running down the stairs.
And you guys, this is the FOURTH time I have told someone that I am going to a Coffee Beanery. What the heck is wrong with me?! Is it simply that the question, “Where you headed?” bores me so much that I auto-generate Lorem Ipsum?
…Or maybe…in a past life, I lived in Flushing, Michigan, where there actually *is* a Coffee Beanery (I Googled it.) Perhaps the soul of my former self is trying to get there to resolve some sort of Macchiato-based issue?
…Or has years of my old-world family discussing the government spies made me paranoid? Am I subconsciously creating false flag coffee places to protect me from perfectly nice people trying to help me?
And speaking of spies, how much did this Smart Elevator app company sell this technology for? You know they're tracking where all the elevator users are going. Then again, we do have tracking devices in our pockets, so they know anyhow. Google doesn’t even tell me to turn left anymore; it says to turn slightly at the Pollo Loco. And that bastard knows I love Pollo Loco.
This has sort of gone off the rails a bit. Probably because I'm not sure what the name of the coffee place I'm looking for actually is, and I can't do complex things like use the Smart Elevator to get to the coffee place because I am sad and confused without coffee.TL; DR: Smart elevators don’t work for dumb people, so we took stairs. Got my steps in to enjoy guilt-free Pollo Loco, which is to the left of the "Coffee Beanery."
