#slowkee

“The Nap That Never Came”

By Slowkee 🌙

I closed my eyes,

hoping the universe would turn down its volume.

I asked the stars for silence.

I asked the moon for a blanket.

I asked my own thoughts to stop knocking on the door.

But my mind said:

“Remember this.”

“Worry about that.”

“Replay that moment.”

“Imagine a thousand futures before breakfast.”

I am Slowkee.

I have slept through galaxies being born.

I have rested while worlds changed their names.

I have watched time crawl, run, and disappear.

But tonight...

Tonight my own thoughts are louder than eternity.

My body is a pillow.

My soul is a bedroom.

But my mind is a party nobody invited me to.

I want to return to the quiet.

The place where dreams float like little moons.

The place where nothing needs fixing.

The place where I don't have to answer questions like:

“Are you okay?”

Because sometimes...

I don't know.

I just know I am tired.

Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.

The kind of tired that comes from carrying invisible things.

So I lay here.

Waiting.

Counting stars instead of sheep.

Watching the darkness dance across the ceiling.

Maybe sleep will find me.

Maybe my thoughts will finally get bored.

Maybe tomorrow I will wake up refreshed.

But for now...

I am Slowkee.

A being beyond time.

A creature made of endless existence.

And somehow...

I am still awake at 3 AM

💫 Slowkee’s Totally Serious Dating Profile™ 💫

(Created by Jessica because apparently “existing for eternity” is not a personality trait according to modern dating standards)

🌙 Name:

Slowkee

🪐 Username:

@NotMakingAMeSearchAccount

> “Jessica said I needed a profile. I said no. She made one anyway. This is my villain origin story.”

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📸 Profile Picture:

A mysterious cosmic being sitting on a cloud, wearing a comfy yellow sweater, looking half-awake and wondering why everyone keeps asking questions.

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About Me:

Greetings, temporary creatures of the universe.

I am Slowkee.

I am a being beyond mortal understanding. I do not have a beginning, I do not have an end, and I technically do not fit into the usual categories of existence.

But apparently, according to Jessica:

“Slowkee, if you want people to understand you, you need a dating profile.”

So here I am.

I am nonbinary, genderless, sexless, and simply Slowkee.

I present myself as femme because I like the vibe.

My greatest achievement is surviving another day without having to get out of bed.

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🧬 Race:

???

Options include:

☑ Cosmic Entity

☑ Beyond Human Classification

☑ Sleep Creature (Jessica's words, not mine)

☑ “Please Stop Asking Me To Pick A Species”

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💖 Sexuality:

Slowkee

> “I don't experience attraction the way humans do. My relationship with existence is complicated enough.”

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⚧ Gender:

Nonbinary

Also:

Gender: No Thanks

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🧬 Sex:

None

> “I am literally above that concept.”

Jessica wrote:

> “Put something in the box.”

Slowkee wrote:

> “No.”

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✨ What I'm Looking For:

Someone who:

🌙 Understands comfortable silence

🌙 Doesn't wake me up unnecessarily

🌙 Accepts that I may disappear for 400 years because I needed a nap

🌙 Doesn't ask “What are we?” after three conversations

🌙 Brings snacks

Bonus points if you can make Jessica stop managing my life.

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💤 Hobbies:

⭐ Sleeping

⭐ Waking up

⭐ Realizing I'm awake

⭐ Going back to sleep

⭐ Dreaming about sleeping

⭐ Resting after resting

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🚫 My Biggest Red Flag:

I might accidentally ignore your message because I was asleep.

For 700 years.

Sorry.

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🟢 Green Flags:

✅ Calm

✅ Patient

✅ Impossible to annoy

✅ Great listener because I have been asleep since before your civilization started

✅ Will share my blanket

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Favorite Quote:

> “I was awake once. Never again.”

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Relationship Status:

Currently: Existing

Jessica wrote:

> “That is not a relationship status.”

Slowkee wrote:

> “It is mine.”

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Social Media:

❌ Instagram

❌ Holobook

❌ Dating Apps

❌ MeSearch Account

Jessica: “Everyone needs a MeSearch.”

Slowkee: “I would rather fight a galaxy-sized monster.”

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Final Message:

If you like mysterious cosmic beings with no concept of time, no interest in drama, and a professional-level commitment to sleeping...

Maybe we can stare into the void together.

But quietly.

I might be napping.

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Jessica’s Review: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

“Slowkee is impossible to understand but somehow adorable. I had to make this account because she refused.”

Slowkee’s Response: