#slmn

anders, Kvn Rose, & SLMN Are “Curious” On New Single

“Curious” is the banger you didn’t know you needed. anders just dropped off his Honest EP, which is a great piece of work. Contained on the project is the single “Curious,” which features Kvn Rose and is produced by SLMN. “Curious” is a radio-ready hit, equipped with an amazingly catchy chorus and a dope beat. The subdued twangs of the bassy synths on “Curious” sound like something Mustard would…

Lisa Edelstein & Cary Elwes as Amy & Brady in a Porsche Boxster in the movie "She Loves Me Not" )) 

Meredith had gotten herself into a few tricky fixes over the years, but this one took the cake. There she was, standing on her old front porch, both hands wrapped around the handle of her tiny suitcase, staring at the chipped wood of her front door, hoping that if she stared long enough, maybe, just maybe, it would open by itself. She hadn’t been home in months - her mom had always come to her in Chicago- and, most unfortunately, though Meredith had asked, she’d never exactly been given a key since her mom changed the locks on her dad. She set her suitcase down with a soft thump and raised her hand, giving the door a sharp rap with her knuckles.

“Mom?” She called, jumping up and down slightly with nerves. There was no sound, just the creaking of the porch as Meredith shifted her weight. She knocked again. ”Mom!”

“Meredith?”

Meredith spun around at the familiar voice. Her brother stood on the sidewalk, a confused expression on his face, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “David!” she cried, rushing down the porch steps and into his waiting arms. As though on autopilot, he spun her around just like he’d done when she was little and needed cheering up. ”I’m so happy to see you!” Meredith said, smiling broadly. Despite everything that had happened, family still meant everything to her, and seeing her brother was exactly what she’d needed to pull her out of the funk she’d been stuck in ever since bolted from the hospital.  Like a coward,Meredith reminded herself.  You’re just a coward.  David set her down and took a step back, looking her up and down.

“Jesus Mere, you look like hell,” he told her. She glanced down and shuffled her feet self consciously. She’d thrown on the first clothes she could find after she’d decided to leave just a day ago, and since then, she hadn’t really stopped moving.  She’d run – literally run across highways and through buildings- back to her house from the hospital, where, in a blur, she’d thrown a pile of clothes from each drawer into a suitcase.  From there, it was just a matter of hiking back to the bus station and finding the next bus out of Chicago.  But as she stared at the board with all of its destinations and options, only one city had caught her eye.  And that’s how she had ended up here, in Ann Arbor, her hometown, which was easy enough. The hard part, though, was coming here, back to her old house where she knew she’d have to face her mother. She’d walked around town for hours, greeting old neighbors who still remembered her, meeting up with old friends that she hadn’t seen in far too long. Meredith hadn’t been back to Ann Arbor in months, and god, she missed it. Ann Arbor was her hometown, and part of her, whether she liked it or not, would always stay here. It was where she felt happiest. It was the place that she knew like the back of her hand, the place that she knew she’d always be welcome. It was where her family was, where her college was, where her friends were.

It was where her mom was.

“David, where’s mom?” Meredith asked, choosing to ignore his comment. He shrugged. ”Out back gardening, maybe?” he said. ”Meredith, why are you home? I thought you were supposed to be in Chicago.  In a new musical,” he pointed out, “where you’re….sort of starring.  Or are you having trouble remembering?”  He narrowed his eyes and raised his eyebrows, cocking his head slightly.  Dylan, Meredith realized.  They were friends.  He must’ve called her brother to head him off, to convince him to convince her mother to stay in Chicago while she believed her daughter was in the hospital.  Just another fly caught in her web of lies, Meredith realized.  One more person who’d been affected by the mess she’d created.

“Does she know?”  Meredith asked, feeling her lips tremble a bit.  David shook his head sharply, still giving her the look.  “No, she doesn’t,” he said, pursing his lips.  “And you’re damn lucky that it was me who picked up the phone when Dylan called, because it gave me the chance to head off when the doctors finally called.

Meredith looked at him, the familiar sense of shame welling up in her throat. ”I made a mistake,” she said quietly. ”I messed up and I need to talk to mommy about it.” And with that, she turned on her heel and walked down the driveway, rounding the corner of the house to find her mom on her knees in front of a small garden, patting dirt around a pansy she’d just planted. Meredith smiled at her mother’s wide sunhat, the one she’d had for as long as she could remember. It reminded her of summer evenings spent playing baseball with her brother and the neighbor hood kids -and her dad when he was calm enough to catch a ball - with her mom always right here at her garden, always ready to hop in if they needed a third basemen.

“Hey mommy,” she called, planting a hand on her hip as the other one came up to shade her eyes from the sun. Her mom’s head popped up and turned to the source of the voice, disbelief turning to happiness as she saw her daughter.

“Meredith!” she said, surprised “Oh my goodness. Hi, baby. Hi.  How are you?”  She rose up on the balls of her feet and tried to rise up, huffing slightly with the effort.

Meredith stayed quiet and walked closer, crouched down next to her mom, and grabbed a spade, digging a hole for a flower, just like her mom had taught her. ”I am,” she admitted finally. Mrs. Stepien stayed quiet, knowing that Meredith had more to say. ”I messed up,” she repeated. ”You know Dylan?” Her mom smiled and nodded, not looking away from the flower she was planting in the hole Meredith had dug. She’d always been a big fan of Dylan.  Meredith noted her mom’s expression, and it made what she said even harder to choke out.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

Meredith’s mom paused and looked at Meredith for the first time since they’d started the conversation, giving her a quizzical look.

“Why not?”

“I don’t think he was ever really my boyfriend, mom,” Meredith said, voice shaking.  And then the truth was spilling out faster than Meredith could stop it. “I only dated him to make someone jealous.”

Her mom’s expression hardened slightly. She turned back to the flower and patted it down, rather harder than was necessary.

“You mean Brian?”

Meredith was shocked. ”How did you know that?!” she asked, feeling self conscious again. Her mom stopped again and sat back on her heels, looking at Meredith over the top of her glasses.

“I know that you like to think that you’re mysterious, darling, but you’re not,” Mrs. Stepien said bluntly, though not unkindly. She smiled slightly and took a deep breath. “When I saw the show in Chicago, right before the kiss between you and Dylan, you wouldn’t stop looking backstage.  And I could see him, right there, in the wings, giving you the same look that Dylan was trying to give you.  And his face when you and Dylan kissed…well, it said a lot more than “I’m happy for you.” I figured that something must have happened to bring that expression to his face. Brian never was good at hiding how he felt. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and so do you, sweetie.”

Meredith considered this for a second and marveled at her mom’s ability to read not only her expression but also anybody’s expression like a children’s book.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked, voice shaking. This was what she’d been fearing above anything else. Her mom’s approval meant everything to her, and if she lost it, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. Her mom frowned and thought about the question for a bit, pursing her lips.

“I’m not angry,” she said finally, “I don’t think that would be appropriate. But I am disappointed. You’re a good girl, Meredith. You’re not a bad person. Why would you do something like that?”

Meredith’s heart swelled with shame. ”I don’t know,” she confessed, letting the bright colors of the flowers blend together as her eyes filled with tears.  “I thought it wouldn’t hurt anybody,” she admitted. “I really believed that I was doing the right thing. But I don’t anymore, not after seeing the mess that it’s created.”

“I presume you told Dylan about this, then.”

Meredith nodded, remembering the second half of her story. “He did it too,” she said.  Meredith’s mom gave her a doubtful look. “Dylan Saunders?” her mom asked, “Dylan Saunders dated you to make someone jealous?”

Meredith nodded again.  “He’s in love with Jaime,” she informed Mrs. Stepien.  “He’d been doing the same thing to me that I did to him all along.  We were playing each other.  That’s not all, though,” Meredith continued. “By the time I realized that what I was doing was wrong, it was too late, mom.  I tried.  I tried so hard, but I was scared to tell him the truth and then on the closing night of Starship he told me he loved me and I panicked and I ran.  And that night, we went to a bar, and….something bad happened.” Meredith paused for a moment, trying to catch her breath, trying to figure out the right way to say that her not-so-friendly boyfriend had beaten her to unconsciousness in a side alley of a bar. Her mom looked up sharply.  “What happened, Meredith? Are you pregnant?  Oh my god.  Did Dylan get you pregnant?  Is that was this is?”

“Mom!  God!  No!”  Meredith let out a groan and put down the spade she was holding, letting her face drop into her hands.  She heard her mother sigh as she relaxed, picking up another flower. 

“Then what happened?  Did he get too drunk?  Did one of you pass out or something?”

“No, no, it was nothing like that,” Meredith said.

“I’m not good at guessing games, Meredith.  You can’t just keep me hanging on like this.  If you want to tell me, tell me.  Don’t just sit there silently while I try to-”

“He beat me up, mom, okay?”  Meredith said harshly, lifting her head out of her dusty hands.  “He got drunk and he dragged me to an alley and he punched me and slammed my face into a fire escape and I ended up in the hospital and I know it sounds stupid but somewhere it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I should pretend to h-have amnesia or something because if I couldn’t remember anything, it was almost like it never happened, you know?  But Dylan saw right through that, of course, and then he had to be the one to drive me away from the hospital, and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.  Backtrack.”  Mrs. Stepien held up a hand, finally meeting Meredith’s eye.  Meredith could see her eyes flashing, could see the anger that was raging in her.  “Did you notify the police?”

“No, god no,” Meredith said with a shake of her head.  “I can’t even prove that he did it, because I’m supposed to not remember anything, and nobody else was in the alley.  I wouldn’t press charges even if I could.  Do you know what would happen?  He would get arrested-”   

“-As he should,” Meredith’s mom interrupted fiercely.

“-And that would create a huge mess with the Team, because as horrible as the whole situation is, Dylan is a huge asset to StarKid and what would the fans think?  I know he hurt me, but you have to understand, mom, he told me in the car that his dad was a drunk, you know?  And his dad used to hit him and his mom, and that’s just how he grew up-”

“Meredith, Meredith, stop,” her mom said firmly.  She rose up on her knees and waddled over to grab Meredith’s chin in her hand, forcing Meredith to look right into her eyes.  “You are trying to make excuses for a man who beat you.  Meredith, if your father knocked on the door one day and said what Dylan is trying to tell you, would you let him back in the house?  No, you wouldn’t.  You’re trying to make it seem like what he did was okay.  I did that for most of my adult life and you can’t do it.  You can’t keep making excuses for him like he’s doing for himself.”

“But mom,” Meredith whined.  She stopped for a second, took a deep breath, and tried again.  “Mom,” she said again.  “I know that dad hurt you-”

“He hurt all of us,” David said as he came around the corner of the house where he’d been lurking. Meredith narrowed her eyes. ”Were you eavesdropping on us?” she asked suspiciously. David looked away, apparently fascinated with a patch of yellowed grass.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said innocently. Meredith sent a punch in his direction, which he dodged with ease. 

“Dad hurt all of us,” she continued.  “But there’s a huge difference between Daddy and Dylan.  Dad was a genuinely angry, awful person.  He was a terrible person who had a few good moments in between.  Dylan?  Dylan is a good person with a few bad moments in between.”

“It’s true,” David said with a nod.  “Dylan is one of my closest friends, and I’ve never, in my entire life, seen him get violent with anyone.  But, I mean, he has a drinking problem.  Only a few of us know about it.  He gets drunk, and he gets out of control.  But mom, dad hit you because he could.  With Dylan and Mere, it wasn’t exactly a one way street.  I just got off the phone with Dylan,” David said, holding up the phone in his hand.  “I’m sorry Mere,” he said, noticing Meredith’s incredulous expression.  “But I’m getting a thousand different versions of this story and I just needed to know what happened.  So I called him.  Made him sit down.  And then I told him to talk.

“He said that he had it all planned out.  He picked Meredith because she’s closest to Jaime, and he was hoping that during the course of their relationship, Meredith would talk about, well, his many good qualities with Jaime.  He tried to be as sweet as possible, always kind, gentle, the perfect gentleman, in hopes that Jaime would hear about it and, you know, feel more romantically inclined toward him.  He knew, of course, that Meredith was doing the same thing, that she didn’t actually love him and therefore everything would be fine and it was all fair game.  He was going to wait until a few weeks after Starship to tell Meredith what he was planning.  He was planning to give her this sort of…ultimatum.  He was going to ask her to “break up with him” really suddenly and harshly, which would give him the chance to go crying right to Jaime.  And if Meredith refused, he was going to tell Brian how she felt.  Which,” he said, narrowing his eyes, “he fully acknowledged was cruel and totally insane and not a little stupid.  But what he didn’t count on was Meredith beating him to the breakup.  He had everything perfectly timed.  He couldn’t let Mere fuck-sorry, Mom,-it up.  He told me that he tried to tell you he loved you, but it didn’t work.  And that’s when, as he puts it, he started downing beers, even before you got to the bar.  And then you guys went out after the show and he got drunker, and he, quote, ‘saw Jaime flirting around with Clark,’ and got pissed.  He was drunk and angry and his plan wasn’t working, says Dylan.  And in his drunken stupor, he decided that it would be a dandy idea to try to intimidate Meredith into staying with him for just a little bit longer.  That’s why he took her to the alley.  He figured that if he scared her badly enough, she’d just…cooperate.  Also something that he acknowledged was ridiculous and completely wrong in every way.  And it got out of control too fast.  When Meredith ended up in the hospital, and everyone blamed him, he tried to lie his way out.  Again.  That’s why he offered to take you home, Mere,” David said, turning to Meredith.  “He was going to “apologize,” David threw in some air quotes, his sour look growing impossibly more sour.  “You know, as your ‘boyfriend.’  But you pissed him off again, and he couldn’t lie anymore.  And so you got the truth, that you’ve both been lying all along.  Isn’t that dandy?  Oh, and he asked me to tell you that Clark is awake.  It’s pretty much a medical miracle, but he opened his eyes.  He’s going to have a hell of a time in therapy, but they’re pretty sure he’ll walk again.  He’s not okay, but he’s going to be okay.”

For the first in weeks, Meredith felt a tiny weight lift off of her shoulders.

“Thank god,” she gasped, holding a hand to her chest.  “Thank god, oh my god.” 

Meredith’s mom looked perplexed.

“I don’t understand,” she said, brow wrinkling.  David shrugged. 

“I don’t think any of us really understand exactly how it spiraled down to this,” he pointed out.

They were all quiet for a few moments, planting flower after flower together as a family.  It almost felt like she was ten again, when her mom was still her biggest fan.  When she hadn’t royally fucked up and disappointed the only person she’d ever strived to truly impress.  Her head pounded in the hot sun, thoughts and ideas bouncing around her skull until all she could hear was a low buzzing in her ears.  One idea after another floated to the surface just to sink back down as Meredith rejected it.  Four potted plants later, she couldn’t take it anymore.

 “What do I do?” she asked finally. Her mom sighed, and all at once, Meredith noticed the lines around her eyes, gray hairs that hadn’t been there the last time they were together.  She noticed the slow way her mother moved, the grimace of pain around the corners of her mouth when she shifted positions.  It was like watching her mother age before her eyes.  But she still had the same light brown eyes, and they still made Meredith squirm as her mother turned to give her a hard look, eyes narrowed, lips pursed.

            “I think you know what to do,” she said simply.  And with that, she turned back to her plants.

Meredith felt confused. Weren’t moms supposed to be chock full of advice that would make everything better? “I don’t get it. I left Chicago because I wrecked everything.  I got into a relationship to manipulate someone else.  I used Dylan.  I hurt Brian.  I almost wrecked the last performance of Starship.  My friends think I don’t know who they are, and they all think that Dylan is an abusive boyfriend.  Clark is in the hospital, mom, because he was trying to come find Dylan and me.  Don’t you get it?  I ran away because staying away is the only thing I can think to do that would make anything better. I just want things to go back to normal,” she said.   

Mrs. Stepien turned to lift another small plant from the box by Meredith’s knees, giving Meredith a hard look in the process. “Meredith Elyse Stepien, don’t you dare try to tell me that giving up is the better option.  I love you, but Team StarKid sure as hell deserves better than someone who would run away like you’re trying to do. You know what Pop-Pop always said. ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ And if you really want to fix things, if you want to get your life back on track and fix things with this team, you will.

            “I’ll tell you what you shouldn’t do.”  Her mom raised her eyebrows and paused before continuing.  “You shouldn’t lie anymore.  You’ve messed up.  I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you.  You know what you’ve done.  You made a lot of bad choices and now you have to face the consequences like an adult.  I’m disappointed in you, but I don’t think it can really compare to how disappointed you are in yourself.  Lying never solves anything, Meredith, I thought I taught you that when you were a child.  And now you know why.  One lie becomes two lies becomes three lies and suddenly you’re drowning in them.  You literally can’t afford to lie any more.  You’ve got to face them and admit that you made a mistake.  You know what the problem is?”

Meredith had the hurt look of a puppy who had just been scolded on her face.  She shook her head.

 “You’re letting fear rule your life.  You haven’t told the truth yet because you’re afraid of the consequences.  But you’ve got to buck up and face the mess that you’ve created head on.  The only way you’ll fix anything is if you make a few sacrifices.  It’s like ripping off a band-aid.  The anticipation is the worst part.  Eventually, you just have to grit your teeth and rip it off.  You can’t expect to just waltz back into Chicago and continue this amnesia act like nothing is wrong.  Tell your friends the truth.  They deserve that much, don’t they?  And yes, they’ll probably be angry and upset and they won’t understand why you did this, and you might not be able to tell them.  But it’s time to be an adult.  You don’t want to live this way anymore?  Don’t.  You’ll need to get your butt back to Chicago and you’ll need to start telling the truth, and soon, if you want any chance at saving your relationship with the Team and with Brian.  And you need to tell Brian how you feel.  It’s time to stop stringing him along and manipulating him and tricking him and hurting him. Don’t ruin this for yourself or you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

Meredith stood, her mother’s words sending her heart racing. ”You’re right,” she said determinedly. ”What am I doing here? I have to go back!”

“I’ll give you a ride to the station,” David said as he stood, brushing grass and direct off of the back of his jeans.  “But first, you seriously need a shower or something.   A brush, a bar of soap, a HAZMAT suit. Anything.”       

“I don’t have time!” she said, sending a punch in his direction, which he dodged with ease, and they both laughed.  It felt strange in her throat. “You’re going to pay for that!” he said, grabbing her wrist. He pulled her arms behind her back and held them with one hand, raising the other threateningly.

“You know, it’s Tuesday,” he said, grip firm despite her struggles. Meredith stopped. ”No,” she said, voice low, shaking now with suppressed giggles.

“And you know what happens on Tuesday.”

“No!” Meredith cried, twisting her shoulders as she tried to get away.

“Tuesday is…TICKLE MONSTER DAY!” David shouted as he attacked Meredith’s overly ticklish ribcage with a practiced hand. She writhed under the attack, laughing hysterically as she felt to the ground. ”Stop! Stop!” she choked through her laughter. ”I give up! I surrender!”

“David, stop torturing your sister,” their mom called as she watched the scene unfold with an amused expression, mouth still turned down at the corners slightly. David stood up and offered a hand to Meredith, who lay on the grass, gasping for air. She grabbed it and felt him haul her to her feet.

“I hate you,” she told him, smiling, really smiling, for the first time in what felt like forever. He grinned and laughed. “Do you want a ride to the bus station or not?”

Meredith nodded resolutely. ”Let’s go,” she said, making as if to stride toward the car. David held a hand out and Meredith let out a soft “oof” as she hit it. ”What?” she asked as she turned to give him a confused expression. He kept his expression even.

“Before you go attempt to save your broken life and relationships, there’s something you really need to do,” he said. Meredith cocked her head. ”What?”

David glanced at their mom, grinning maliciously.

“At least brush your teeth.  There’s only so much trauma the team can take.”