#slight angts

When he saw her that morning, Allan thought he had been dreaming. Her sun-touched hair fell loosely over her shoulders, her hands tightly tucked in her jean pockets, and her bright blue eyes looking directly at him. When she started towards him, he felt his heart quicken its pace. 

No way, he thought.

When she reached him, Allan couldn’t believe his eyes. She was still so stunningly gorgeous. Julie Canterbury was the love of his life. They had dated before, but the relationship turned out to be a complete tragedy.

"Hi." Julie said. "Remember me?"

"Yeah," Allan said coolly. "How can I forget?" Bitterness crept into his voice and he saw Julie wince.

Both of them stayed silent for a while, the awkwardness of the situation eminent. Though there was something different about the Julie standing in front of him now from the Julie who broke his heart three years ago. She looked shy—broken even. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he finally spoke, “You want to have breakfast?”

The question took Julie off guard and she slowly nodded. Allan took her to a diner near the highway. When they got there, they sat on a booth and took their orders. “I’ll have the pancakes,” Julie said to the waitress. Allan ordered bacon and eggs, but when the waitress asked him how he wanted his eggs, Julie answered for him, “Sunny-side up.” She looked at him smiling, “Right?” Allan nodded, bewildered that she still remembered. When the waitress left, he suddenly asked, “What are you doing here?” He knew he was being rude but he had to know.

Julie was unfazed by his question, “I’m waiting for something.” She simply said.  

When the food came, so did a song from the old jukebox by the corner. Allan almost chocked on his bacon. Starship’s “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us” filled the room and everything played out like a movie flashback. They ate at this diner before… When they were together… laughing and talking all day. Allan could still remember the way Julie would sing her heart out when a favorite comes on. This particular song was her most favorite one; and just on cue, he heard Julie singing-along.

"You still like this song." He said absentmindedly. She shook her head, "No, I love this song. And once you love something,” she glanced at him, ” you can never un-love them.”

~~~

After they ate, Julie asked something that completely surprised Allan, “Are you busy today?”

"No." He answered flatly. And with that, they set off on an adventure; a journey to the past. Julie took him to all the places they went to when they were still in love. Allan tried to keep his cool, while Julie seemed to be oblivious to what she was doing. Is she trying to rub it in? Allan thought. He already had to go through the heartache once and now she’s opening up the wound all over again.

But Allan knew it was worth it. He would trade those three years for one day to be with Julie again; to see her smiling back at him, to feel her beside him again. They might have had a tragic ending but his heart knew he’s still waiting for that silver lining. He’d always hoped she’d come back.

The day slowly turned into night and Allan was scared out of his wits. 

It’s happening again. She’ll say goodbye again and this time, it may be for good.

Julie took him to one more place and when he found out where, he wanted to run and hide.

The park near the lake is where the tree—their tree—stands. This was the place he first saw her… And the place she broke up with him. Allan stopped and pulled on Julie’s wrist before she can continue on.

 ”What are you doing?” He asked almost harshly. “Are you trying to hurt me?”

“Hurt you?” Julie looked at him incredulously. “No, I’m not. I’m hurting myself, Allan.”

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Because," she looked towards the lake with a far away look in her eyes, "For the past three years I had felt numb. Everything was so dull, empty." Allan looked at her, patiently awaiting her point. "So I returned to the place where I once felt alive. I never intended to see you but I somehow found my way back to you." She looked at him with child’s eyes, filled with love and wonder. "Seeing you again, it made me feel something. It made me feel, Allan!” She smiled crazily.

"And what did you feel?" He asked quietly.

This time Julie’s smile faded and she looked away, “Guilt…pain…regret.”

"And you’re happy you felt those things?"

"Yes." She answered a matter of fact. Allan was suddenly angry. Angry with Julie for letting herself feel pain and not do anything about it. "Are you crazy? Why the hell would you want that?! Listen to me, you’re better off without those. Trust me, I’ve lived with them for a long time and it had done nothing good." Allan turned around and walked away. He hated the idea of wanting pain, of begging for it when for the past three years he’d been trying to get over the heartache Julie had cost him.

What sh*t, he thought.

"At least it’s a feeling, Allan!" She ran after him.

"No! You don’t understand!" he whirled around, his eyes blazing with fury. “What you’re doing is like planning a suicide. Go back, Julie. Go back to the place where you felt lifeless because trust me, it’s much better there than here. You don’t deserve—“

"But I do the deserve this!" She screamed. "I deserve to feel the pain of what I did to you!" She cried. Allan stood there, surprised by her outburst. "You have no idea how much it broke me when I decided to let you go. To see how destroyed you were—“

"Then why did you?!"

"Because I was stupid and didn’t know what I had until I lost it! Because I was always looking for something better when I already had the best!" Tears rolled down her cheeks and she wiped them off, "I was stupid, okay?! Can we leave at that?" She turned around but Allan closed his hand around her wrist and pulled her close; their nearness giving Julie euphoria. He gripped her arms and stared down at her beautiful blue eyes, "Why did you come back?" His voice was low.

"I told you. I wanted to feel something…"

"What are you feeling now?"

"Everything." She whispered. "But mostly, I feel you." She traced her hands along his delicate features: his eyebrows, his cheekbones, and his full lips. Finally she looked at his hazel eyes and said, "God," she gasped. "I love you, Allan." In that moment Allan’s lips came down on hers and they were locked in a passionate embrace.

Two people who once felt lifeless were alive again.

  END

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