#skyrim-forever

23: What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Fear and sadness are probably Tat's most difficult emotions to process for two key reasons. First, her experiences on the Imperial City's streets and during the Oblivion Crisis taught her to view outward sadness as a hallmark of weakness; someone who's obviously melancholic or frightened makes a much easier mark than someone who's calm and has all their wits about them. Basically, she sees it as a boldfaced sign screaming I'M EASY, ROB/USE/KILL ME. Pre-Dark Brotherhood, she definitely picked out sad, newly single men at taverns and seduced them to rob them blind. Secondly, they're so difficult to process for her because she knows plenty of other nasty folk see them the same. She recognizes her physical weaknesses (short, definitely not as strong as someone much taller or bulkier etc) and has been a victim several times in her life. She didn't always come out unscathed *cough cough imperial prison* either. So rather than accepting those feelings and working with them, she jerks immediately into hostility. It's saved her life many times, make her seem as dangerous as someone twice her size and often prevents confrontations, but it leaves a lot of emotional garbage there to rot and stink to high heavens.

Naturally, those are also the most difficult for her to express, and for the same reasons. She doesn't want to appear or feel weak, as she fears that could not only distract her or jeopardize her life, but also cost her respect from allies and loved ones. (girl get therapy please, your legitimate friends will love you whether you're snarling, smiling, or sobbing D:)

24: What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

I'm thought about this one quite a bit, actually! I have a few AUs lol. The biggest one would be if Antonia+Marcella had never betrayed her and she'd stayed with her family. She'd have remained with the Thieves' Guild and been a highly ranked thief. She'd still have her repressed depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms (cutting/nail picking/interfering with wound healing, brothel binges), but without the additional trauma of the Imperial Prison+her family disowning her, it wouldn't be as severe. Someone else would be Champion of Cyrodiil/HoK, and I think she and Cassius would've exploited the Oblivion Crisis and made a fortune with their smuggling network. Her relationship would still be thorny with her mother and Antonia, but she and Cassius would eventually get along better; it would be rooted more in their shared desire to accrue power and money than a conscious desire for reconciliation, but at least they wouldn't constantly be at each other's throats. But her relationship with Marcano is a solid, positive constant regardless of the AU. He's still her fence, contact, figurative father, and best friend.

Now, there's the rub of Sithis canonically "marking" his chosen children as soon as they're born. If that doesn't happen, she doesn't go to the DB (yikes). But if, like me, you ascribe to the notion that Sithis+Night Mother can directly or indirectly influence people just like the Aedra/Daedra, she'd inevitably wind up approached by the Dark Brotherhood. Her fear and desperation for power and safety during the advent of the Crisis drove her to seek the Umbra sword. Sans that, greed or vengeance would've been Sithis's foot in the door. Either way, she'd murder someone in cold blood, the brutality would intrigue the Night Mother, and before long, Lucien's breaking into her lavish townhouse instead of Benirus Manor in Anvil. She'd still be hostile to him, of course. Nobody breaks into her house and gets out alive, but without Umbra clouding her mind, she's more apt to seriously listen to his proposal - especially when he starts talking about profit. She's cold and ruthless as an assassin, but as a thief? Girl's blood's practically green with greed. She'd probably try to work both the Thieves' Guild and Dark Brotherhood, tbh, playing them off each other for her own benefit, but she'd eventually lean more into the latter. Lucien's and the Family's fault, of course. They show her the patience, support, and loyalty she's hungered for all her life. and yes i will make sure lucien lives in this au, too

25: What is your favorite thing about your OC?