#skcountdown

“Oh my fucking Jesus Christ, holy guacamole, holy AAH!” My sister yelled this as she hit my arm, making me flinch in pain at the contact.

“What? What?!” I yelled at her, yanking her hands away from my arm. She squealed again and tried to shush me, despite making a loud ruckus in the library herself.

“My timer! It stopped!” She shoved her wrist in my face, making me fall back onto my chair. 

I gasped as I saw the numbers all hit 0. 

“Kyungmi, how did this happen?” I asked my older sister. She shrugged and had a knowing look on her face. 

“Ok, well, look, to your left, no your other left, yes, in the corner, do you see that boy?” I looked in the direction she told me and low and behold, there sat a boy who was just like my sister’s type; tall, styled black hair, but perfectly messy, and was the epitome of a pretty boy. 

I smiled.

“Yup?” She smiled and scooted closer to me. 

“It totally stopped once he walked into the room, I’m- I’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate!” She blushed, clutching her wrist that held the countdown to who we were destined to spend our entire lives with. 

“Well, what are you doing still talking to your baby sister? Go talk to him!” I nudged her, making her fall out of her chair. She glared at me, but she was hiding her face with a blush. 

“Ok, ok, fine, how do I look?” I raised a brow.

“When do you ever need someone else to tell you how pretty you look?” I mocked.

Me and my sister are polar opposites. She was always the pretty one, the beautiful one, while I was dull in comparison. 

She was the president of our leadership club, on the honor roll for her four years of high school, and was friends with about every student in the school. People naturally gravitated to her bubbly and fun aura, even I admit she was my best friend. 

She was the life of the party, yes, she had multiple boyfriends and flings along the way, but she was the type of girl to sit and just dream about her prince charming coming to sweep her off her feet. 

And well, me? I was the girl you wouldn’t glance twice at if you saw me walking down the hallways or even if I fell face flat into the floor, that’s how boring I was. 

“Ha, you’re cute. Ok, I’m going, wish me luck!”

“Luck.” I whispered. I watched her flip her long, curled hair over her shoulder and strut her way over to the mystery boy. 

I looked down to my wrist. 

398 20 16 30. I took a deep breath and sighed. 

Well, that’s a long time to wait. 

Honestly, I wasn’t the girl to sit around and dream about her prince charming, I was more of the girl who accepted her fate that no one like her and she would be alone forever. 

Despite the whole soulmate/destiny thing, there have been numerous accounts on where people never met their soulmate or their soulmate chose someone else. 

How devastating would that be. 

I watched my sister walk up to the table and shyly say hi to the boy. He glanced up and locked eyes with her, showing off his eye smile. 

They both looked like awkward pretty people for a second, then she sat down and they continued to talk. 

I smiled slyly at the couple, happy my sister finally met the boy of her dreams.

I waited an hour for my sister before she got up and grabbed her stuff from our table. 

“We’re going on a date, don’t wait up for me, ok?” She whispered, giving me a harsh look which meant ‘don’t tell mom and dad’. I nodded and glanced over to the lucky boy. 

He had dark brown hair and was even more handsome up close. He towered over my sister who was a short height of 4′11 while I was an average 5′5. 

“Hi, I’m Hyunjin.” He extended his hand. I tightly gripped his hand, shaking it firmly as a dad would do to his daughter’s boyfriend. 

“Y/n. Nice to meet you.” I pulled my hand away to cross my arms over my chest. 

“Ok son, don’t have her out too late, I want her home by 9pm sharp ok?” The boy barked out laughter, his eyes crinkling into tiny crescents. I laughed at his outburst, but immediately retracted it once I saw my sister glaring daggers at me.

She gave me ‘the look’ and I covered my laugh up with a cough. 

‘It’s a joke’ I mouthed at her. She gave no response and I shook my head at her stubborn self. 

“I’m joking, just sneak her through the window when you’re done with her. Later.” I gave him a small smirk before walking away and I knew my sister would yell at me later, but I was certain he would stay with her.

I mean, they are soulmates. 

And she’s the most perfect girl a guy could want, how could he leave her?

For the next few weeks, I felt as if I lost my best friend. 

“Hey, do you wanna grab some pho later? I’m really craving something brothy.” I asked Kyungmi during our 4th period. She gave me a guilty smile, something she always gave before she was going to give an excuse she wasn’t really guilty about.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. 

“What? Hanging out with Hyunjin again?” I tried not to act too upset about it as she was much happier with him around, I just had to understand my sister had her own life to live. 

She frowned and fixed her hair to lay over her shoulder.

“Y/n, please, he’s my soulmate. And it’s super weird! Like he’s the first guy I can’t tell who’s into me, and he hasn’t even showed me his timer yet! Like isn’t that the first thing you show someone you’re interested in? To prove you’re not wasting your time?” 

I scoffed at her remark.

“Why haven’t you showed him your timer then? Show him you’re soulmates. Maybe he’s worried you aren’t his or something.” At these words, her eyes brightened up. 

“You’re right, I’ll show him once I actually start to get to know him better and know 100 percent he likes me back so he wouldn’t feel compelled to like me.” I scoffed again. 

“You mean who wouldn’t want to date the most popular girl in school?” I teased. She shoved me slightly which barely moved me an inch.

“Shut up, you know how much I hate when you say that.” I smiled jokingly.

“You mean how much you love it?” She hit my shoulder again, making me laugh and having us get shushed by our teacher, which returned things to normal, but only for a little bit.

I was sitting in my room, doodling in my journal until I heard the doorbell ring. I sighed, pulling on a hoodie to answer the door.

Who could possibly be coming at 1pm on a Saturday? 

“Y/N! That’s Hyunjin! Can you please, please stall him while I get ready?? I totally forgot we were hanging out this afternoon and I still haven’t done my hair and makeup!” I sighed but did as she told anyways.

“Fine, but you owe me!” She laughed.

I opened the door softly and there stood Hyunjin with a black t-shirt and dark skinny jeans, an outfit I knew my sister would drool over. 

“Hey, Hyunjin.” I greeted awkwardly, I wasn’t the best at talking to people. He smiled awkwardly, matching mine perfectly. 

“Hi y/n.” We both stood awkwardly at the door for a bit until I realized I was supposed to talk next.

“Oh yeah, um, Kyungmi’s still getting ready, but uh, you can come in?” I honestly had no idea how to ask a boy into the house, but he complied anyways.

“Thanks, so, how’s it going?” He asked. He took off his shoes and I led him inside.

“Uh, pretty good, how about you?” I asked. He smiled tightly.

“Pretty good.” Silence again. Suddenly, his gaze danced over to something behind me.

“Woah, is this I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga?” He gently plucked the book off the book shelf. I chuckled softly and nodded.

“Yup, one of my favorites.” He looked up from the book in amazement.

“No way, it’s one of mine too! It’s seriously so underrated though, like one of the most thrilling and fast paced mysteries I’ve read, I don’t know why it isn’t more popular.” He sighed in disbelief. I let myself relax and smile.

“That’s exactly how I feel. I-I mean, I really like how Jasper didn’t end up with the girl in the end, I mean, he was too broken and damaged for that. It hinted there was something still there, but I agree with Lyga that Jasper needed more time.” Hyunjin locked his eyes on mine, making my eyes waver from his. 

“Wow, everyone I met who read that book has ever agreed with me on that.” He spoke. 

Somehow, when he locked eyes with me, I felt as if I was the center of his universe. 

Like he was focused on me, and only me. 

I quickly shook my gaze away and chuckled.

“Yeah, I mean, yeah.” I added lamely. He then reached over me again, getting a little too close for comfort. 

“Slammed by Colleen Hoover. A guilty pleasure of mine.” He smiled. I snorted and leaned back on one leg. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a boy reading a beautiful and romantic novel written by a lady, nothing wrong at all. In fact, I encourage it.” I voiced. 

I felt bad for boys who felt the need to hide the fact they read books with “girly” themes and written in a girl’s point of view, though no one said anything if a girl read a book with a male point of view. Double standards really suck.

He blushed and ruffled his hair slightly. Suddenly, the mole under his eye became noticeable and it made his face look ten times cuter. 

“Yeah, I mean, there’s something really poetic about this novel, and not just because it’s about poetry.” I laughed at his lame joke, but it fit my sense of humor. 

“I mean, there’s something almost compelling to read about a forbidden love that wasn’t even supposed to be forbidden at all. Ah, I guess enticing is a better word.” He gave me a subtle grin, making me blush at his words.

“Y/n, what are you doing, showing Hyunjin your nerdy books again, ugh. Don’t scare him away.” My sister plucked the book from my hands and threw them into the shelves. 

She tidied up her hair and stared at the boy who looked equally as uncomfortable as me. 

“Ok, come on, Hyunjin. Let’s go catch that movie.” She took his hand and pulled him away, breaking the eye contact Hyunjin and I tried not to have but had anyways. 

I ignored the pounding in my heart that felt as if the world had crumbled below me and threw a soft smile to the couple. I leaned against the wall casually and waved.

“See ya, don’t stay out too late.” I winked at the boy, making him blush and laugh. My sister turned red for a whole other reason and glared at me, but said nothing. 

I heard the door slam shut and I fled to my room to isolate myself from the pain in my heart that even I wasn’t understanding. 

I tried to ignore the subtle way my palms sweat when Hyunjin came into our house or the way my heart skipped a beat when he laughed at one of my jokes. 

I tried to ignore the way I melted when he said something beautiful about a piece of my poetry and when he spoke about one of our favorite books. 

I tried to ignore the way my heart broke as he looked into my sister’s eyes.

And most importantly, I tried to ignore the way he looked into mine. 

“No, but seriously, I was just walking down the hall with Kyungmi right? And suddenly a guy comes out of nowhere and he’s obviously a lot older than us and asks ‘hey do you have a boyfriend?’ and she says ‘uh, no’ and he fucking asks, wait for it. He asks ‘oh so are you taking applications then’” I rolled over in laughter at the story that got me on my ass every single time.

I felt tears trickle out of my eyes and saw Hyunjin tip over and his eyes disappeared under the crinkles and smile. 

“Oh my God, do guys actually say that? There’s no way!” He yelled while sobbing. I nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yes way! And-”

“Ok, y/n, we get it! Can you like, go up to your room or something? Hyunjin and I are doing something.” I stopped laughing immediately and retracted my statements. I felt stunned at her sudden outburst and was unable to do anything at first. 

Then, I sat up slowly from the couch and felt red burn my cheeks. 

“Hey, it’s-” I heard Hyunjin start, but I cut him off. I avoided his gaze as I felt his pitying stare on me. 

I almost forgot how I was a year younger than the both of them.

I forgot how my sister was the pretty one and I was the ugly one. 

I forgot how he was her soulmate and not mine. 

“No it’s fine, seriously. I’ll leave you two alone.” I quickly got up and made my way upstairs, pretending I didn’t feel their stares pierce my back. 

And I pretended how tears didn’t pierce my eyes. 

I slowly shut my door and let out the tears I had that were instilled in my eyes. I softly brushed away the tears from my soft cheeks that were used to the wet tears and fell slowly to the ground.

He doesn’t like you, I told myself. I glanced down at my wrist and checked the time.

319 23 13 08. I sighed in relief, yet I unfortunately had a small bit of disappointment.

My soulmate isn’t Hyunjin. 

This is just a weird bump in the road.

This means nothing. 

As the next couple of days went by, I tried to forget everything. 

I tried to forget the way Hyunjin brushed his hair out of his face when he was bored, the way he looked me in the eyes when he talked to me, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about a book with me, and the way he looked at me as if I was better than my sister. 

But this all changed on Friday night.

I sat in my room, watching TV while my sister was out with her other friends and I was left to hold down the fort as our parents were always away on business trips. 

Suddenly, I heard a soft knock on the door. I flinched at the sound, almost dropping the bowl of popcorn on my lap. I furrowed my brows and set the bowl to the side while lowering the volume of the TV. 

I threw on a hoodie once again and made my way down the stairs. 

Who could this possibly be?

I slowly opened the door, afraid someone would jump out and attack me, but felt even more nervous at who I saw instead.

“H-hyunjin?” I stuttered out. He gave me a gentle smile and gave me his signature awkward wave. The boy was wearing his usual attire, yet a denim jacket was slung over his shirt. 

“Hey y/n.” He greeted. I felt my hands shaking at the anxiety I felt around him, but I opened the door wider to hide my fear.

“Um, Kyungmi isn’t here right now, she’s, um-” He chuckled, making my heart pound faster and faster at his smile.

“Yeah, I know, I came to see you.” 

I felt as if my world stopped and my bones and limbs shook at the aspect of being alone with the boy who made my heart jump and my guilt swallow me silly. 

“Oh, ok, well, come in.” I knew I probably shouldn’t let my sister’s boyfriend-crush-in while she wasn’t home, but I had a hard time saying no to people. 

“So, how have you been? I haven’t seen much of you lately.” He started. I scoffed at his words, shutting the door behind him.

“Oh wow, I wonder why.” I joked. We both knew my sister hated me being around him. He sighed and ruffled his hair. 

“Well, I like seeing you, I like being around you.” He spoke slowly. I shook my head, the walls seemingly closing in as he kept speaking.

“Hyunjin.” My breath shook and I took a step back from him. “Kyungmi doesn’t-”

“I don’t care what your sister wants! This isn’t about her, this is about you and me!” He raised his voice. I shut my eyes, trying to take deep breaths. 

“Hyunjin, you know, you know.” He took a sharp turn away from me, facing toward the door once again. 

“Yes, I know I’m her soulmate.” He said these words no emotions, which terrified me.

“No, you both are soulmates, you’re meant to be.” I noted softly. He shook his head and took off his jacket. 

“You’re wrong. Look at my wrist.” I gripped his wrist as it came flying at me.

00 09 14 08

I gasped and dropped his wrist immediately. 

“No! No, no.” I gasped out. I took shaky breaths and tried to lean against something, but Hyunjin caught me instead.

“Y/n, she isn’t my soulmate. I don’t know if she got the person wrong-” 

“No, we were one of the only people in that library and it turned to 0 once you came in. It has to be you, there’s no other way.” I choked out. I brushed my hair out of my face though it still stuck to the sweat that thinly coated it. 

Our fight came to a standstill and I could only hear his deep breaths and my heart pounding.

“Y/n, I-I’m sorry. But I don’t feel that way about your sister. I can’t when I’m in love with her-” 

“Don’t say it! You can’t say it, Hyunjin, please.” I cried. I covered my ears and blocked out the sound. 

He gently set my hands down despite my wimpy protests. He gazed gently into my eyes, but I refused to meet his. 

“Y/n, I like you and there’s nothing you can do about it, ok?” I felt my heart start to pound at his fierce words.

“You’re wrong! You can’t like me, I’m pathetic, boring, ugly, dull and stupid! She’s our school’s president for God’s sake and every boy’s dream! You’re wrong! I’m, I’m-” Hyunjin bent down to my level and cupped my chin and faced me towards him.

“Listen to me, you’re none of those words, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart, and you are the most amazing girl I’ve ever spent time with. You’re-” I pushed away from him as our former position was too intimate, too loving. 

“Stop, Hyunjin! I’m nothing compared to her, just admit it! My sister has had tons of boyfriends, tons of lovers, and she has tons of friends, while me on the other hand, I’ve never even had a boy look at me for more than 5 seconds!” I screamed. 

I need to get away form here. I need to get away from here. 

“And you! You’re the most perfect boy I’ve laid eyes on, you’re smart, funny, beautiful, inside and out. And you deserve a girl like her.” I whimpered childishly. He shook his head. I could see his face turning red in pure anger, but I didn’t care what he thought at this point.

Maybe if I made him angrier, he would understand that he’s making the wrong choice. 

“Don’t tell me what I deserve or what I don’t deserve! Let’s talk about what you deserve, ok? You deserve the whole fucking universe to fall at your feet because you’re the most unselfish person I’ve ever met, you’re so kind to your sister and to everyone around you. You’re funny, smart, and everything you say makes me smile. You make goddamn butterflies fly around in my stomach like I’m 12 years old or something. 

“I don’t care that your sister is president of our school or that she’s had way more experience than you in relationships because I love you for you, and you’re beautiful alright? I wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you light up like stars when you walk into my line of vision and you make my day a million times better.” 

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt his fingers brush against my cheek. Thankfully, I snapped out of it and slapped his fingers away. 

“You can’t choose her over me, you can’t do that. No one does that-” 

“I’m not choosing her over you because you’ve been my only choice, got it?” Before I could answer, I felt him crash my lips into mine. 

The kiss was rough at first, but then turned soft as he got timid at his bold action. I didn’t know what I was doing but suddenly my hands were in his hair and his arms were around my waist. 

Suddenly, I felt a jolt around my wrist, making me jump back from him. 

“Did you-” I quickly pulled up my sleeve and stared at the numbers that seemed to trivial before.

00 00 00 00. 

I didn’t see Hyunjin for another week after that incident. I tried to pretend it ever happened. I tried to forget how beautiful he made me feel and how alive he made me feel.

Like I wasn’t trapped behind my sister’s shadow. 

Like I wasn’t a drone living through my days.

Like I had something living for. 

“Thanks for helping me move boxes into the art room, Mr. Oh would have my head if I didn’t get this done by today.” I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to be stuck here doing it yourself anyways.” I handed her a big box and saw my sleeve droop slightly lower. 

“Thanks, and hey!” She dropped the box and pulled up my sleeve, ignoring the paintbrushes that were scattered on the ground. 

I tried to pull my arm back, but she was too fast. 

“Your timer!!” She yelled, holding her hand to her mouth. 

“When? Who? With...” Her face changed from surprise to pure anger as she threw down my wrist. 

“Kyungmi, it’s not-” 

“It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?” Her tone left a bitter taste in my mouth as she glared at me with the most hatred I’ve seen. 

“Kyungmin, I didn’t know. We didn’t even know-”

“Oh, so this has been a secret from me? For how long!? When were you going to tell me!?” She yelled. I shut my eyes, not knowing how to respond. Were we ever going to tell her? What was the right thing to do in this situation?

“You know what? This isn’t like you. You used to tell me everything, used to never keep secrets from me and now look! Now you’re stealing my boyfriend!”

“He wasn’t even your boyfriend in the first place!” I spat, wanting to take back those words as soon as they left my mouth. I shut my eyes and groaned internally. “Ok, I meant-”

“Save it. You’ve always been jealous of me anyways."

She turned around, but quickly whipped back around at me to make one final point.

“If you even cared for me enough, you’d let me have him.”

I thought everything would get better after a couple of days, but it didn’t. Kyungmi ignored me. 

I ignored Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin ignored Kyungmi. 

This was a vicious cycle I didn’t know if I could handle.

I sat in my bedroom, slowly letting out the tears from my eyes, thinking of the pain I’ve caused everyone. 

How did this happen to me? How did I get caught in the most toxic love of all? 

With my soulmate and my sister? 

"If you even cared for me enough, you’d let me have him.” 

I let these thoughts consume me as I mustered up my courage and went into the kitchen, grabbing one of the sharpest blades we had. 

It’s ok, your sister will be happier with him. Everyone will be happier with them together. Even Hyunjin. This is for the best.

The voice in my head told me. 

“You have no friends, no future, while she has it all.” 

I shook my head, throwing the blade away, accidentally cutting myself in the process. I saw the blood trickle down my arm, making my head spin and my heart pound dangerously.

Stop. 

Stop. 

Stop. 

You can’t do this. 

You can’t do this.

You can do this.

I knew the one way to reverse soulmates, to reverse the love. 

You had to stop the time and break the clock. 

I closed my eyes, and grabbed the blade once more. 

I stared at the small device, that stared back with the large number 00 00 00 00. 

I closed my eyes once more, thinking of the happier life Kyungmi would have, Hyunjin would have, and I would have once this ended. 

"If you even cared for me enough, you’d let me have him.”

These words jolted me into reality; I thought of the beautiful life she could live while I had no future ahead of me.

I sharply threw the knife up and down onto the clock, cringing at the sound of skin breaking and wires buzzing in my skin. 

And then

it all

Jeongin squirmed under Chan’s hands, “Dad stop! You’re wrinkling my shirt. I spent all morning choosing my outfit for today, and you’re making it all messy.” The boy rolled out of Chan’s grip, pouting as he straightened his collared shirt.

Chan chuckled, nuzzling his face into Jeongin’s neck, “Who told you to wake me up so early in the morning?”

Jeongin frowned, pointing at the clock, “Dad, it’s eleven. Did you sleep late last night? I know you did.” The little boy huffed, crossing his arms on the bed.

Chan lifted his son up, placing him on his lap, “Daddy just loves sleeping, okay? I’m gonna go brush now. Did you brush already?”

“Of course. I’m six now, so I’m not a baby anymore.”

He smiled and held Jeongin’s hand, walking towards the direction of the bathroom, “My little man’s all grown up.”

~

“So, I’m guessing you want pancakes?” Chan asked, tying an apron around his waist. He opened the cabinets and took out a pan.

Jeongin smiled cheekily, tiptoeing to pour apple juice into three glass cups on the counter top, “Dad, of course. Pancakes are my most favoritest of all the breakfast.”

Chan laughed at his grammar, “It’s ‘pancakes are my favorite’ not ‘most favoritest’.”

He pouted, “Daddy, it’s my birthday. Stop being such a know-it-all.” He placed the bottle of apple juice down on the table, and carried two cups to the coffee table. Jeongin rushed back to pick up the last cup.

Chan smiled softly as he watched the pancakes cook, flipping them skillfully while making sure both sides were equally as golden. 

“Daddy? I have question,” the child asked innocently.

“What is it?” he said, smiling over at Jeongin as he placed the first batch of pancakes on the plate with his wooden spatula.

Jeongin looked down to the ground, “How come we only get to see Mommy once a year?”

“We’ve been through this, champ. Mommy went away, so she can’t come back and visit us that often,” he said, placing his plate on the counter top.

“Were you sad when she went away?”

“Yeah, I was.”

“Were you mad?”

Chan sighed, “I was, but things don’t always go the way you want them to go. There’s nothing left to do but to accept it. Daddy can’t be a big old grump all the time.”

Jeongin sat there, looking down as his lap while fiddling with his fingers.

Chan leaned over and placed three plates of pancakes on the counter, “Do you want to carry the plates over for me?”

Jeongin hopped off the tall chair and carried two plates to the living room. Chan followed closely behind him.

~

“You ready for Mommy?” Chan said as he sat down on the couch with Jeongin beside him.

Jeongin nodded, waiting for you.

Chan puffed his cheeks and let out a breath of air slowly, dragging a sigh. He switched on the flat screen television.

“Hi baby! Happy birthday!” you said, smiling through the camera.

Jeongin chirped happily, “Hi Mommy!”

“I bet Daddy organized a big birthday party for you and your friends. Wow Jeongin, I can’t believe you’re turning six today! Look at you, you’ve grown so big and beautiful. Next thing you know, you’ll be going off to college,” you delivered with a face filled with happiness.

Jeongin smiled over at Chan, holding his father’s hand.

Chan pointed at the screen, “Pay attention to mommy.”

You took a deep breath and continued, “Look baby, this video is going to be a bit different from the one last year and the previous year. Jeongin, I want you to know that Mommy loves you very much okay? I really wish I could be with you right now, but life just happens to interfere with us sometimes. Wishes don’t always come true, and the timing isn’t always ideal.” 

Jeongin tilted his head, looking at you with a confused expression on his face.

“I just wanted you to know that Daddy and I are so happy to bring you into this world,” you paused, blinking your tears away. 

Quickly regaining your composure, you smiled at Chan and Jeongin, “Mommy’s body isn’t working right, and there’s something growing in me. It makes Mommy really sick, and there’s no way to get rid of it. You see baby, this isn’t like the flu, and it won’t go away with medicine.” You paused for a bit.

“It’s called cancer.”

Chan covered his mouth and bit his lip, trying to control his emotions in front of Jeongin. 

You blinked and glanced up at the ceiling, gripping onto your sweater as tears spilled out of your eyes, “I’m afraid my time is almost up.” You choked, doubling over as you sobbed lightly, wiping the tears away with your hands.

Chan let out a deep breath as he caressed the back of Jeongin’s hand softly; his eyes were welling up in tears. The boy stared at you, trying hard to process your words in his six-year-old mind.

You sniffed before you started talking again, “But Jeongin, just because I won’t be here with you physically doesn’t mean you’re gonna grow up without a mommy. Are you ready for your present baby?”

Jeongin looked over at Chan excitedly, and Chan reached behind him and took out a little box. Jeongin took the box in his small hands and carefully turned the lid over. Inside was a bunch of tapes wrapped with ribbons, and each and every of them had labels.

“Each of these tapes contain everything you need to know about growing up. I want to teach you to work hard and achieve your dreams, whether it be a doctor or a teacher. Don’t be afraid to really go out there, because if you don’t try, how will you know if you’re ever gonna succeed?” you explained, gazing at your son.

“I want to teach you about love, Jeongin, so that one day, you’ll marry the woman or man whom you have grown to love, someone dear to your heart. I hope you learn to cherish the people around you. I also want to teach you that it’s okay to cry, because there is no such thing as ‘men can’t cry’. Men can show their weaknesses because it only proves that they’re human. We live in a world so diverse and multi-cultured, and I want you to embrace and accept every aspect of that,” you clasped your hands together, a tear rolling down your cheek.

You cracked a smile through your tears, “Whenever you feel lonely, Mommy will always be here for you.”

“All you need to do is press play.”

Jeongin looked longingly at the screen.

“Happy birthday baby. I love you so much, always,” you looked into the camera one last time and blew a final kiss.

~

Chan turned off the television and looked over at Jeongin. The boy had an emotionless face, but his eyes were glossy.

Jeongin turned his head slowly towards Chan, “Daddy? Why can’t Mommy take medicine to get rid of her cancer?”

His father scooted closer and held the both of his shoulders, locking eyes with his son, “Because Mommy’s timing wasn’t right.”

“Is it because I was in her tummy?” the boy glanced down, lips curling downward noticeably.

Chan shook his head, “No baby, look at me.” He tilted Jeongin’s chin up.

“You’re the biggest gift in my life and Mommy’s life. You saved Mommy. She was able to live longer after seeing you, holding you in her arms. You are the light in Mommy’s eyes, and we will never forget that,” Chan explained to his son, brushing a thumb across the boy’s cheeks.

Jeongin smiled teary eyed, “I love you Daddy.”

Chan pulled Jeongin closer and leaned his son’s head on his chest, “I love you too.” He closed his eyes and sighed, taking a deep breath.

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

Jeongin held up a USB, “Mommy says it’s for you.”

~

Chan sat in bed with his laptop, and he inserted your USB into the port. He waited anxiously for the window to pop up, rubbing his palms on the sides of the blanket wrapped around his legs. The window emerged on the screen, and he hit play.

“Wait, is it recording?” you asked yourself, looking through the camera. 

Chan chuckled as the camera zoomed in your eyeball, giving him a nice view of your beautiful eyes.

“Oh never mind. The light’s on. I swear I suck at technology,” you grumbled as you sat back down on your chair.

You cleared your throat and laughed, “Hi Chan!”

“Hi baby,” Chan choked, maintaining a happy smile on his face. Tears of joy filled his eyes.

“So you’re probably wondering what this is. Am I right?” you raised your brow, holding your finger to chin to attempt your best “thinking face”.

Chan leaned his head back and laughed, trying to will his tears back.

“Chan, I love you, so so much. And I know you’re doing an amazing job. You’re very hard on yourself, and you’ll need constant reminders to sleep early, not drink too much coffee, and to do the dishes that are probably on the dining table right this second,” you continued, crossing your arms playfully.

Chan choked back his tears, wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks with the back of his hands. 

“I’m so proud of you baby. I will always love you. Please remember that,” you said one last time.