#sjrm

You could write a song about what happened afterwards. You leaned into me and we kissed and it was raw and powerful but I couldnt carry on. Tears filled my eyes and I broke down. All I could think was how you're not mine anymore. You apologised but there was no need.

We talked things through more. Trying to get the closure we both needed. You said you liked to kiss me. Lord knows I liked it too. Every time we did, it felt as though my chest wanted to explode with the love I have for you.

You realised the severity of where this would lead us if we kept going though. A line had to be drawn. We both knew it. But you're the one who was stronger to speak about it.

We kissed more and as I lay on the floor with your body over me you said this was the last time we'd kiss. Ever. At that point my chest still wanted to explode but the love was displaced with pain. Regardless I took hold of you and did what we were so used to and tried to savour every part.

And then that was it. You pulled away. You took my hand off your neck and placed it on the floor. You stood up. You walked to my door and said you had to go.

Those few hours without you were torture.

When you came home I felt disconnected and cold. You came to make sure I was okay before bed but again, I couldn't mask my pain. I told you you go but I went back to you again.

In the middle of the night I didn't expect your comfort. I needed to be held and that's what you did. You held me like I was a baby in your arms and told me things would be okay.

Your face was close to mine again, you rubbed your nose on mine like you used to and that's when our lips brushed each other's again.

Irrisitable to each other, we succumbed. It turns out our real last kiss left me breathless. A bundle of guilt and heartache overwhelmed us both but hopefully that is where we draw the line.

This past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy, huh? I think we have grown more in this time than we have in a while. This is a good thing; we’re making progress. Being able to confide in each other and speak about everything so openly is the best thing!

We’re both still learning from our mistakes but I’m glad we’ve come to an understanding of what we both want. I think our relationship is now stronger than ever. 

I had a few doubts about whether you were being serious or not about the way you felt but when you said I give off a glow that feels like someone is giving your heart a hug, it felt like I ran straight into a wall of emotions. I know now. That indescribable feeling you were talking about...that’s love. But it’s the smaller things too. When you told me about keeping the receipt from one of our dates from the very beginning and coming across it casually, I thought it was really sweet that you would keep something like that. I didn’t even know you had it.

Readjusting is always the hardest. From the small things like changing my lock screen to harder things like deleting our pictures and trying to sleep without you.

I should've known better. I saw some of the signs. You not messaging me again. Not kissing me when I met you at the station. Not asking me to make dinner. After each event my mind thought that dark thought but I ignored it. All I could think was... surely not???

You were always so kind to me and I always had so much fun with you around. You allowed me to be myself; I'm just sorry you didn't feel the same.

This one hurts. I thought we were doing better. But I want to thank you for the memories you've given me. All the good times and the bad. I wish we could've lasted but I suppose we're too different.

I was thinking back to the other day when you came over and we were cooking together in my kitchen. You put Swedish music on in the background and as I put the pastry in the oven, you took me by surprise when you took my hands and started dancing with me.

It sounds like a cliché but it felt like such a pure moment. My arms were locked around your neck as you held me close and we swayed along to the music. It was only very brief but it was so sweet.