#sixyearstoolong

I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. I want to move on from you so bad, like it's been a war inside of me everyday for the past four years since you've been gone from my life. Part of me wants to forget all the good you ever did for me and replace it with the bad because there is so much bad. this part of me wants to console the other girls you've damaged since me because I'm the only one who continually carries this pain like a martyr carries sacrifice in death. It's shaped who I am. But then there's the part of me who flashes back everyday to how I got lost in your eyes the first day we met and I'm afraid to let her win. every time I speak to you she finds her strength again. And I'm just so afraid because I know the second I see you face to face, you'll know nothing's changed with me. You'll know I'm still the girl who fell in love with you six years ago and I don't know if I'm ready to handle this goodbye pain again. This has been hard enough. -Excerpt of a book I'll never write #1