#sixstuff

I finally figured out how to describe what it feels like when I get sad. It feels like I’m in the center of a whirlwind, and all my stressors are flying in circles around me. They take turns flying into and out of sight and scare me a little. Then they fly faster and blend and I can’t concentrate on any individual one. I’m in the center of the whirlwind so I’m okay and they’re not hurting me, but I kind of just want to move and I can’t. I’m okay but I just want to move already and I’m stuck

I don’t know why I started this post but I guess I’m just talking about my feelings now. I feel like I never fully got out of my rut from last summer and that sucks. There’s breaks and holes in it but I still just come back to feeling a weight of fog. It’s been a long time saying that the next week is gonna be the week I get shit in order and the whirlwind is gone and the fog breaks. Almost every week since October I guess. And it’s fine, it just sucks

This has all been really helpful for trying to get back into making art again which I guess is a positive. My stickers started as silly phrases but it ended up being a good way to talk myself through sad feelings. It’s kind of weird seeing reminders of sadness from myself but I feel like there’s gotta be someone who sees them and feels a connection, and that’s worth it to me

Last thought: it's annoying that Emily is probably the only person I'd take help from because I feel like she owes me, but she's also the last person I'd ask and definitely the last person I'd want to know that I'm not doing perfect