You'd never know it by the way she always looked in any direction you weren't in. But sometimes you'd catch her, mid-stare. At first you'd be startled, her eyes would dart away like she had something to hide. Little did you know.. She did. Because if you stared into her eyes for too long, you'd unravel every secret and hidden agenda she's ever had. You'd question what she was staring at. Never thinking it could be you, you'd think she didn't give a damn about you. Not in any way you wanted her to at least. But if you ever got the chance to stare into her eyes, you'd finally figure it all out. What she was staring at, why, what was running through her mind while her eyes stuck to whatever it was. You'd figure it all out. You'd figure it out. Figure out that it was you all along. But she doesn't believe in old tales and mushy romance no more. So if there was even a moment where she'd start to feel something, her eyes weren't the only thing that ran away. She's been running since grade 8. The first day she got her heart broken it was so clichΓ©. Fuck Valentine's Day. Fast forward and press play. From the girl who believed in chances in everything to the girl who could careless if there was even a sliver of love between the sheets. Between her legs was no longer a sacred place that only those she deemed worthy could enter. It was now just a graveyard for the poor souls who dare thought they could have something more than just a one night stand. She had just got fucked while they had just made love. They wanted more but she had nothing to give. And even if she did, she didn't care enough to even offer or consider it a mere thought. She doesn't remember what making love is. She once put the things most dear to her on a pedestal, she showed them a love that none had ever seen before, no one could even fathom the depth of that emotion. The velocity of it all. Now you ask to hold her hand and she'll let you but while your fingers wrap tightly between each fingers crevasse, hers would just hang there as if you were holding a lifeless doll - She didn't care. But sometimes you'd catch her staring. And you couldn't comprehend any good reason why. So you just brushed it off like it was a crumb on your sleeve. This continued for awhile. Through this you noticed more and more. She could explain to you just why the sky bends and why she hates The End's. You notice how she'd stare off into nothing and smile because she found beauty even in the darkness. You noticed how she'd chew on the insides of her cheeks because when she was a kid she got called chipmunk and she idolized Angelina Jolie's cheek bones. You'd notice she's an enigma, a contradiction, a mystery. She fascinated you the same way she was fascinated by life and the universe and all of existence. You observed her her curvature, the way she crinkled her nose, the way her voice changed when she talked about her parents and her childhood compared to how she talked about her friends and the stories they've all made the whole while she observed every detail of every aspect there ever was or could be. She listened to people bodies and she saw their emotions, their thoughts. She craved the raw and the uncut, she craved the truth and the knowledge. Her curiosity was a star like fire that not even oxygen-deprived space could snuff out. She was the fire. She was the oxygen deprivation. She left you breathless and you oh so desperately wanted to touch her soul but she scorched you every time you drew near. But then one day she didn't. One day, She touched you. And you finally figured it all out. She was only ever afraid. Afraid of someone trying to put out her fire. Her stares weren't meaningless. She didn't only find beauty in the world around her. She didn't only crave the raw, uncut realism of things. You were her mystery. Her beauty. Your rawness drew her close. She was craving Y o u
