Not because it is easy, but because it is hard.
As the blows come in and I fall for feint after feint, I echo this thought in my head. If this was easy, it wouldnāt be worth doing.
āI tried not to hit you too hard,ā Ā he tells me afterwards. I ignore it for the moment; my concerns are elsewhere. Down 2-0 in my open steel pool in matches that havenāt even been close, can I avoid finishing last?
***
Iāve spent nearly all month waiting for Study in Steel. The goals that I missed at the beginning of the month at Shortpoint are still looming, and Iām growing impatient in my effort to meet them. Itās simple - win a match in an Open Steel. This is the one thing Iāve not done; the one thing standing in my way between saying I believe in myself and actually doing so.
Sure, there are those who gasp in surprise when I mention that I fight men, that there are no gender or weight divisions in an open, but for me this is not a new thing. I train to fight whoeverās in the opposite corner, whether itās someone whoās picking up a sword for the first time, or whoever won last yearās Swordfish.
This isnāt my first open; itās my fourth in as many months. I know what an Open feels like; I know I can handle myself in one. The only thing standing between my goal and myself is the space it takes to cross the ring. ***
Saturday morning Iām on no sleep, and perhaps even worse, no sugar. My body is behaving for once, so I warm up to Imagine Dragons, OneRepublic, and Skillet. The air is already thick and heavy in a gym with no air conditioning; if you told me it was the first of August I would have believed you.
I signed up for synthetic as well as steel to give myself more chances to fight, and it starts well enough - I win my first match, though it isnāt easy as I try to adjust to the bouncy-ness of synthetic swords. I win my second match in more convincing fashionājust one point shy of a mercy kill. My third match is close - thereās a beautiful sword-grab-pommel thing I do, but Iām out of bounds when it happens. I lose by one point.
In my last match, I get beat. It happens - Tom is simply a better fencer on this day than I am - and while I do manage one good thrust, Iām just outclassed. So I end my synthetic pool with two wins and two losses, but overall happy with my performance.
I make eliminations for synthetic seeded 10th out of 25, and though my fight with Mike doesnāt end in my favor, it is by far one of the best fights Iāve had in any tournament, in any event. The two of us are dancing, performing art, more than we are flailing at each other with swords. Both of us are patient, not making any move until we see the opening. Ā Weāre tied as the clock winds down, twenty seconds, then fifteenā¦and then he gets me, right on my hand. Some losses sting, but this isnāt one of them.
***
Unlike many of the other tournaments Iāve been to, this time I donāt know anyone who is in my Open Steel pool, not even in an āoh-hey-Iāve-seen-you-on-the-internetā capacity. So when my pool gathers at the end of a sticky, sweaty Saturday afternoon, the first thing Iām struck by is the size of all my opponents. Not just tall, but all of them strongly built. If you were to look up Big Scary Guy in the dictionary of Rebecca Fencing, it would be this pool.
In my first fight, I forget everything I know about lateral movement. The result is predictable - Darren rushes in every time, and hey, whatās the record for pommel strikes in a longsword match? His mercy killing of me is the eventual conclusion of the match, but somehow - and Iām not really sure how - I managed to score six points of my own.
Itās not how I wanted to start my open steel pool, and it doesnāt auger well for the rest of my matches. Were my first two wins in synthetic an aberration?
***
In my second fight I cannot touch my opponent. I know heās going to feint, I know where he is going to feint, and I still canāt beat him. Part of it is my own bad habits, the other part is heās just much better at fencing than I am right now. Afterwards, he makes a comment about trying not to hit me too hard.
I donāt know what he means by it - is he trying to say that he could have knocked me out if he wanted to? Is he trying to be chivalrous? It does no good to dwell on it, but Iām in a foul mood now. Two losses in, Iām wondering if trying to do both synthetic and steel was a mistake on my part. Itās now been five fights since my last win. Iām getting antsy.
***
At some point in my third fight, I remember my lateral movement. Or, at least, thatās the only explanation I can think of when, halfway through the match, I look at the score and notice that Iām actually in the lead.
It baffles me; I canāt remember any call in this match actually going my way; have the scorekeepers messed up? Maybe, maybe not - until I see the video, I wonāt know for sure - but I take it and I run with it. I start moving circularly. I stop getting forced into a corner. I start hitting heads. When Aaron or the table staff or whomever it was calls time, I very nearly jump into Ericās (whoās again cornering for me) arms. Iāve finally done it, finally crossed that last boundary - I donāt have to believe I can win an open steel match; Iāve actually done it. Now I know I can.
Just as quickly as Iād been ready to give up, Iāve now got a second wind. In my final pool fight with Jordan, I Ā never feel like Iām not in control. Itās certainly no slam dunk or mercy kill, but I am never in doubt about my ability to win it. Although Iām no Pollyana, Iām seeing for myself in person the proof that a positive outlook can have.
That last psychological barrier, of not knowing if I can really do this at this level is gone. Forget about last - I end up finishing in a tie for second in my pool, missing eliminations on a tiebreaker. Itās not quite winning All the Everythings - but itās one more step closer. *** I also competed in my first paired forms tournament with my teammate and often coach Eric; we finished third, which is pretty good for something we put together the night before - my original PT partner couldnāt make it to South Carolina, so I didnāt even know if Iād be competing in PT until the day before. I did find the format to be much more interesting than the usual PT format and urge other tournament organizers to talk to Sword Carolinaās Aaron and Josh if theyāre looking to put together a PT event.
