#sin-sidejob

Laney, First off, good job on getting my tumblr terminated. 10+ years of memories are completely gone and I know you and/or the others are somehow responsible. Don’t even *try* to lie about otherwise, I know it was at least one of you four. Congrats on making me lose the blog I’ve had since middle school and forcing me to remake. I applaud you. Really. (🖕) Ok, now for the actually important stuff. I have had a long, long time to think things over and I feel like it’s my turn to say my piece at last. I have a feeling you may not read this at all, but I can only hope you do because what I’m about to tell you will probably explain a lot. You clearly either don’t know and/or don’t care about how your words effect others, so let me explain it to you, I was born with my intestine outside my body. The first thing that happened after my birth was a surgery. I wasn’t held, there was no cozy bonding time. My world was dark and cold from moment one. After that came liver failure from the meds they were pumping into me to keep me alive. I was jaundiced and my mother once told me that as she was changing my diaper at 11 months old I started bleeding from everywhere and she ran with me, barefoot, to the hospital where they determined I was in such critical condition I was shot to the top of the transplant list. I had my double organ transplant at only 11 months old. After that it was several smaller surgeries up until I was 4. I was practically raised in the hospital for the first 4 years of my life. Being raised like that you never learn how to socialize. The first feeling I ever learned to feel was shame. I can recall 1st grade teachers making commentary on my gas from my medical issue. I can recall loosing friends because I was “too stinky.” I can recall *my own mother* once telling me “if you fart you will ruin my whole day.” I never learned how to make friends, at least not any that would stay. Either the medical issues or my autism always drove them away. I had a couple of other medical scares in my teen and adult years as well that only added to having no friends. I know you probably don’t care about that though, because you come across as someone who has always had a ton of friends and people like you rarely have any sympathy for people like me. And that brings me to my next topic: your projection. When I joined your discord group I was ecstatic. I hadn’t had any friends since the 8th grade when the billing got so bad I had plans to OD. I was so incredibly happy. I felt like I finally had my circle, that I had finally *finally* found a place where I belonged. I was and still am so desperate for friendship, for human connection, that will do something I totally loathe if it means the people I care about are happy. I believe in talking things out because anytime I even feel like someone I love is slight annoyed it sends me into a spiral of “I fucked up, they hate me now, I’m going to lose them.” I can’t recall who in the shadow counsel said it, I think all of you, but I do remember saying I believe in at least *trying* to talk things out. And you all agreed. And then you went back on your word. I tried being the bigger person. I admitted wrongdoing and left the group of my own accord. I hoped and hoped and *hoped* that if any of you *did* reach out it would be, as everyone had *said* they agreed with, to talk things out.

Instead I got some of the most nasty words I’ve ever received in my life. Words that put me back in the dark place I was in in 8th grade where somehow over the summer there was apparently some unspoken agreement that nobody would even *look* at the medical freak. It got so bad I remember looking up the best ways to kill myself because if everyone hated me *that* much it must be true, right? You alone put me back in that place. I fell asleep crying for *weeks* after what happened because once again I had no one. Friendship has *never* been easy for me, not that you would have any idea what it’s like. Or care at all. My sister tried to console me after by saying “she’s just projecting” and at the time I didn’t believe it, but now that I’ve had all this time away from you and the others I have realized it’s true. If I’m “the princess who riled the people up and then hides behind her castle walls” then *you* are the manipulative evil queen who is only charming so nobody can see your true colors. But you slipped up and showed them to me. You said I come across as someone who secretly watches Fox News? More projection. Only people like you, who don’t care about disabled people or furthering their trauma, secretly watch Fox News. Where else would you be getting your hate for us from? And not trusting doctors? That should have been my first MAGA red flag right there. Hell, hearing about how you live and were raised around guns should have been the very first thing that tipped me off. But you are good at manipulation and being crafty and you hid it well, I will give you that. As for “singling anise out” I never did. Genuinely, honestly, hand over my heart, I just never talked to them as much is all. I never felt as close with them as you or the other two. It still eats away at me that they felt ignored. I still feel bad about it to this day. I never ever meant to make anise feel like that even slightly.

Not that you would ever know what that feels like. You very much give off the vibes of *”spoiled rich kid who never left their spoiled bubble and is shocked and horrified at everyone “below” you.”* Sure I was raised in a bubble too, but mine was different. Mine made me never ever want anyone to experience the horrors I have gone through, both medical wise and bullying wise. Yours turned you into the kind of snake that made my growing up a living hell. I’d like to thank you, really, for being no better than the asshole who said *to my face* “everyone would be happier if you just killed yourself.” In fact, I’m honestly surprised you never said it in your final message. Now that I actually know the real you, you seem the type. I made a sideblog after everything just as a place to vent. I haven’t used it in a *loooooong* ass time but it’s still up and I hope that people see it and hate you just as much as I do now. Finally, I’d like to share one final thing: I found someone. A real person who loves me and dotes on me and is the first person in my entire life to actually make me feel wanted instead of discarded trash, makes me feel loved instead of hated. His name is Jay and on our fist date he brought me a homemade cupcake and we watched Saw and we have been crazy about each other ever since. I’ve told him everything about me, the good, the bad, and the even worse and I was *petrified* he would pull a laney, but he didn’t. He loves and adores me anyways. I’ve never felt this self confident or had *any* self worth like this. Hell, I even told him about what happened w/the shadow counsel and let him read all the messages, mine and all the others, and while he doesn’t agree that I was in the right he, unlike you, gently and calmly and kindly explained why. And then proceeded to get absolutely *furious* when he read yours, especially after knowing about all the medical trauma and bullying related PTSD. He said something along the lines about how you only added to it, and it didn’t even hit me until then that it was true. You did. You did without me even realizing it. I guess you can add master gaslighter into your list of skills. Of course I still self ship as it’s fun and I’ve been doing it since childhood, but now I can find solace in knowing that’s the only relationship you will ever have. I found someone who actually loves me. Who wants to *marry* me. I self ship because it’s fun but now I can see you do it because you know you are unloveable. You have to imagine fake people being in love with you because you know deep down you are rotted. Hell, you might not even be the fake peoples type! But you have to pretend you are for any form of love because you know if you said any of the shit you said to me to a real persons face they would punch you in yours.

The ***real*** first red flag should have been when you said the dirty, sleazy, conman CEO was just your type. Of course he is! Two peas in a pod you two. A pod of stuck up rich kids who pretend they are open minded because to say otherwise would mean social backlash and no no no we can’t have that! We must be loved at all times by everyone! Too late for that. I’ve seen the real you. Have fun with your future MAGA husband and all the kids I already feel sorry for because if you’re willing to be that nasty to someone online I can only imagine how you would mentally abuse a kid. Either that or you’ll become some rich asshole’s trophy wife and and the very definition of the evil stepmother trope to his kids from his last 3 failed marriages. Have fun thinking you’re somehow different. Go ahead and share this with everyone, I don’t care. In fact, I can’t *wait* to see how you twist this one. How is laney going to attempt at making herself look good after furthering the bulling related PTSD of a transplant survivor who flatlined on 2 separate occasions and who never had friends because of its after affects? I can’t wait to find out! How exciting! Of course, you and your kind of people always at least attempt it. I mean, just look at trump right now. Now you can be just like your hero! Reply to this all you want. Be as nasty in your reply as you want, if you reply at all. This is not mean. This right here is not bullying. This is me standing up for myself for the very first time in my ***entire life*** because I have someone now. Someone in my corner that, unlike you, I never had to be manipulative to to get them to love me. Unlike you and all of your so-called relationships, I have been nothing but 100% honest with him and it’s only made us closer. Once again, I take great joy in knowing that now that your true colors have been shown this is something you will only ever have in your head. And I think you know it too, which also makes me happy.

In the case of the whole anti-theft bull, that is because I had a crappy highschool job at Walmart. I sometimes took the small chip snack bags by the checkout during break. I thought I was allowed to but I was wrong and while I was never arrested I did get into some legal trouble. The whole thing was so traumatizing and scary for me because I was only 16 years old that it “scared me straight” so of *course* it would make me very much against it. I’m so sorry your brain is too small to even *consider* when you wrote your final message. That must be such a terrible way to live :(. See, unlike you, my sheltered upbringing means I know all too well what it’s like to be treated as a second class citizen, even at times like an animal. Something a rich abled body person like you could never even begin to comprehend. If I remember correctly you said something about how I don’t respect pronouns and/or nb people? Once again: projection. I myself am a bisexual nb, but did you ever ask? No. You called me she and I let you because, as previously stated, I would go through hell to make the people in my circle happy. But I should really submit that screenshot to the conservative self owns account. I think it fits, don’t you? What really makes me sad is that I thought I had finally found a home. I finally had friends for the first time in *years*. “Friends” who all agreed that talking things out was always the best option only to……not. And a part of me will stay forever angry at the fact that I left of my own accord with an olive branch extended but you you chased after me just to make me feel like shit after 24 years of only feeling that way. You’re *such* a good person. Really. 🙄

You may be queen cunt of the bitch brigade, but karma is the royal advisor planing to assassinate you soon. Anything bad that happens to you you fully deserve for the way you treated a mentally ill traumatic surgery survivor with tons of bullying related PTSD already. I can only hope that if you or someone you love ever experiences organ failure maybe you will finally have a heart. Your fall will come and when it does I will throw a party to celebrate. Have the life you deserve. 🖕

P.S. I am currently in the hospital for a seizure I had in the flight back home from vacation. I have not had a seizure since I was two. So go ahead, really. Nothing held you back last time so don’t feel like you have to hold back now. Or if it’s somehow only ok for you to treat me like that when I’m *not* in a hospital I would ***love*** to hear your pathetic attempt at explaining why. After all, you had no problem last time so what makes this time any different, hmm?