#silverining

The sound alone snaps him out of, whatever he's in, body jerking and his elbow sliding into the basket of the cart. The slide and the force of his palm hitting him in the face is enough to wake him up. It must be enough for Haeri because the scowl is gone and replaced by laughter, enough to have the entire store looking at them.

"Sorry." He's saying it to the customers first and then to Haeri, deciding to avoid any more stares he'll keep it in Japanese. It's only when he faces her that he lowers his tone and his head and apologizes in Korean, hands rubbed together for sincerity.

'I don't have to be here but someone was being a baby so here I am and you're not even listening to me.' "I know I know I'm sorry, I'm so tired."

'So we need energy food.' "Energy food that isn't just carbs because I can't move up in weight coach will decimate me." 'Eh you'll just work twice as hard to work it off.' "Who's side are you on?" 'I just don't want you falling asleep in the ring and getting the shit knocked out of you so, I'm gonna have to say your coach.'

Jaesun groans but it's not exactly a topic he can argue, instead he leans further against the cart and continues down the aisle. Food funds are typically the highest budget theyre given, despite the budget for foreign players being pretty low anyway, the cart fills up and Jaesun doesn't register with what until he realizes they haven't left the aisle.

'These are all,' "For me yes did you think I wasn't going to get snacks Jaesun please."

He just shrugs and leans back on the cart, letting her stick a stick of pocky in his mouth like ed protest. Instead he just chews and walks and chews and walks. Some of the sleep starts to wear off but most of the time is Haeri asking about preferences and food decisions. For some she gets a full response and for others she just gets a shake of the head or a nod. When he's too tired to respond, when his head lolls down and she's repeated the question three times it occurrs to him how much thought she's putting into this.

Usually, Haeri is quick to drop things that don't have much to do with her. And even if they involve Jaesun if he's not cooperative there's no real reason to pursue until he is. She spends enough time at the gym to know training regimens and techniques but not the science behind what he does. She’ll see him drinking what she calls weird shakes in the morning or skipping on meals or doubling. But those are the weeks that go by the quickest and she usually doesn't ask him. Even though he wouldn't mind explaining. 

So for her to actual tag along during an intensive week before qualifiers, its new. Coach granted her permission only after having them agree that training came first in all aspects. So now she was being conscious, extremely conscious.

Normally she'd throw anything in the cart and tell him it's punishment for not paying attention. But he looks over and sees she's carefully reading the facts on the box, and looking up extra facts on her phone at the same time. Her face is pulled into a kind of concentration she only gets with new things and it makes Jaesun’s heart leap out his chest.

"Get the regular one of those,” he’s rubbing the fatigue out his face as he speaks, “the grain in whole grain makes me gag. And the oil is fine if it's in stir fry coach doesn't mind frozen or fresh vegetables but he does mind the type of meat. He usually sticks to chicken rather than beef or pork when I’m not packing or anything."

It must startle her because she jumps a bit but then her nose scrunches and she's shoving the suggestions in the cart one by one. He doesn't miss the grumbling about how he should've answered earlier to save time but he smiles anyway. Smiles and leans more comfortably against the cart. She eyes the meat he’s packing into the cart and her gaze narrows so quick it has him pausing. Pausing with one more pack of chicken breast in his hand.

“You can’t eat stir fry the entire time Jaesun.” “Stir fry and ramyun.” “You----” He sees her lift a ramyun package and he flinches only to see her toss it back in the cart. “You can’t eat ramyun the entire time.” “Says you.” “I’m not fighting, you are.” And touche so he leaves it at four packs and lets her add the remaining preserves. He tries leveling her with a pout but knowing that she can’t possibly be versed in his pouts because they’re so rarely seen. He holds it low, low enough that every time she turns to put something in the cart she sees it. But she holds and it has Jaesun ready to either break it or wobble his lips.

“Listen, your coach allowed me to stay with you guys I’m not going to get on his bad side by indulging you he’s never going to let me come along and not that I’d listen to him but - stop pouting! Jaesun for god’s sake -”

She isn’t versed in his pouts but she is versed in getting him to stop. The tone has him scrunching his nose up instead, reacting much like a pup that’s been scolded. If Jo were here she’d probably make the analogy.

She wouldn’t be wrong. He sighs instead and raises both hands in surrender. He gets her concern and he also gets that this is a rare opportunity, coach letting her come with them to Japan took a lot of convincing and extra hours.  Yeah they could’ve snuck her over but the stress is not something they’d want to deal with. So, she’s here and he’s ecstatic, despite all the rules.

“Rice with some side dishes will work just fine.” He’s stretching out over the cart. “But-” “Mmmmm lets go home, we have a few more hours til lights out and I have to be up early tomorrow.” Moving to wrap his arms around her waist. “Jaesun-” “Movie marathons and snacks.” Whispering possibilities into her ear, lips dangerously close to her ear. “Jase-” “And and and----” Squeezing at the dip in her waist to get his last point across. “Hugs and kisses and stuff.” “I’m gonna murder you oh my god we’re in public I’m so gonna murder you.”

It’s working though because they’re already to the register, his arm snug around her waist and anticipation in his eyes. He’s not letting go, something about the fact that they don’t have to sneak around making him giddy. Something about Haeri being so dedicated to the time they have together, and well the sight of Haeri just packing things into the cart, for them to go back to the apartment. It’s all domestic and reminiscent of home. Her carrying home wherever they go, and it has him antsy. Has his heart bursting and hands needing to hold.

The cashier picks up on it, on that and all the squirming Haeri does while trying to put the food on the belt.

“Ah,” the cashier begins when he holds out his card, “Young love is always so frisky nowadays. She’s a petite little one I hope you’re being easy on her young man. Did you guys pack condoms?” He pales, pauses when he remembers he’s not the only one that knows Japanese. 

“Yeah Jaesun are you going easy on me? Ah you won’t believe the things he’s been whispering in my ear. He won’t let me rest auntie.” And Jaesun, Jaesun wants to fight this battle. Wants to say something about how her face is the color of the woman’s apron, or how Haeri had been leaning into him the entire time he was whispering in her ear. But once again, and like always he remains like a kicked puppy, burying his face in her neck and his words as well.

He does, get a nip to the small of her neck, that has her shrieking and him flying away to grab the bags before she grabs him.

“What is it about Japan that gets you like this I swear to go---- ” That’s drowned out with him yelling goodbye to the smiling cashier and her waving them off with a laugh.  “Just happy you’re here is all.” He can’t really hold her close because he’s got hands full of bags but he’s cheeky and smiling on the way to the team van. He doesn’t exactly hear her whisper ‘me too’ back but he sees it when she helps load the bags in and doesn’t squirm off when he starts to doze on her shoulder on the ride back. 

and jesus it’s not supposed to come like this, it’s not some post-coital lust-driven declaration because it’s come to him several times before. it’s love like a moment-capture kind of thing. love like, him saying he’s in love when haeri brings him food after practice. love like when she’s laughing so hard her hands hit his side but she doesn’t push him off. love like the feeling of her against him all night and all morning. love like the look on her face, love and so full of it he suddenly doesn’t feel so cold anymore. 

he just feels it.

it’s the kind of love where he looks at her and he smiles silly. where he knows he’s in love with more than the act. he’s in love with the small pink on her cheeks, on how her lips part sometimes in her sleep. in how those lips can breathe fire and be fire all in one. in how she sleeps, pulling against everything and pulling him towards her. 

everything, like a collection of memory not quite ready to stow away, which is good because he’s not too ready to relinquish them. just as he’s not too ready to let go of the feeling of her in his arms, but she’s sound asleep and he’s not going to risk disturbing her. so he sits up instead, lets the sheets cover what they can and his mind fill in the blanks. like spaces between her shoulder and her arm. like outlines of her body and clothes over on the nightstand. 

because it’s all there and well, he’s not going to not think about it. think about the night and how everything just, happened. how it didn’t explode really but like everything with them it was gradual. it was weeks of not seeing her, it was hot summer days and summer dresses. it was tension in all forms until it become tangible and only lips could ease it. lips everywhere and on everything.

except thinking about it makes his face heat up again, from his neck to his ears and he’s so glad, she’s asleep, so so

“you’re staring.” fucking wrong. of course she’s awake, of course. they operate on the same time-switch. they try to match too well, because mornings when he’s up she’s asleep and when he’s asleep she’s leaving. they want to catch each other so much their bodies try to push them towards it. that’s how jaesun sees it. it’s a little like fate if he thinks of it that way. it’s also fate that she makes a move to throw the pillow his way and all he hears is a squeak and all he sees is a flash of white again. haeri’s buried deeper in the sheets than he thought possible and jaesun, jaesun doesn’t laugh because he’s smarter than that. he does smile though, a little smug, a little too lop-sided like he’s stopping himself from saying what he wants.

“cold?” “i hate you.”

not exactly the words he expects to hear. but it’s mumbled and it’s got that little knack to it that lets him know. under all those covers she’s smiling and holding back all the things that make her legs squirm to the bottom of the covers. so jaesun does the only thing he can, leans over and wraps her arms around the big bundle that is his girlfriend. one, because he’s only got on boxers so he’s cold as hell, two, because his girlfriend's stealing all the covers and three, she’s so damn cute.

“i love you.” “off off off, it’s too hot oh my god. off off get off this is my space get off!” “one, it’s literally my sheet, my bed -” “what's yours is mine by default since I clean half of it.” “might wanna let me clean these sheets though.” “JAESUN!” at that she shrieks, practically throws the sheets off her and then grabs them back when what he assumes is cold air attacking her. he’s not going to laugh, nope he’s not. he’s holding it in pretty damn well, as he searches around the bed floor and finally finds his shirt. he holds it high enough for her to see over the sheet fort she’s put between them. when she snatches it and hides under the sheets again he lets out a small chuckle. one of love more than teasing. one he can’t help.

“love you.” “yeah yeah i heard you, ever consider that’s not something you wanna say after -” her head finally pops up, sheets still covering from the chin down. he’s leaning on the bed now, further down by the edge and with his elbow deep in the mattress. he raises a brow when she stops and this - this is probably where he should keep himself in check. but her cheeks start turning red and jaesun, jaesun can’t help it. “after?” “after, stuff.” she tries to make her word firm but he can hear it retreat back and god it’d be so embarrassing if it wasn’t so cute. “what-” “if you ask me what stuff i’m kicking you off this bed.”

he relents. “you, have a lot of energy this morning." “you, had a lot of energy last night.” haeri deadpans. holds him in place with the statement. maybe because she doesn’t realize it’s not as effective as a comeback this time. and jesus everything about this is embarrassing but she’s being so lovable and jaesun is torn. “you can’t be this cute. seriously, it’s going to be a problem if you’re always this cute after hmm------- stuff?” “sex let’s call it what it is because saying stuff makes it sound sketchy and we’re not sketchy.” that much tumbles out and jaesun just shrugs at that, nodding along. it’s quiet for a few moments after. he doesn’t move much and she’s still fidgeting with the sheets, it’s lower now though, lowered to her lap. all he sees now is the rugged print of his t-shirt, some band that he listened to when he worked out. an old promo thing, that looks like a promise kind of thing when she wears it the way she does. when he sees small, very small hints of red by the collarbone. he can smile now because he’ll be hearing it later. his hands remain by him, not by his side because they’re skimming the outline where her legs are. haeri wiggles and if she kicks it’s playfully. has him wanting to throw himself up and over her.

so he does. he’s met with little resistance at first, because he’s planting kisses everywhere. everywhere they started and everywhere they mapped. up and down and up and down and everywhere he remembers. he’s careful over the red, smiling against the skin and the laughter out her lips. he’s light with each touch, even light as he hover over her, just how her laughter is and her hits against his chest are.

“stooooop i told you it’s hot.” “move the sheets.” “no.”

and jaesun, despite it all is still careful with his hands. still only lets them skim surfaces and above borders like he hadn’t passed over the night before. he skims and instead focuses on her waist, her neck and burying his nose there.

“then i’m not moving.” “jaesuuuuuuunnnnn.” “haaaaeeerrrrriiiiiiiiii.” “it tickles.” “oops?”

he maneuvers until he’s over her completely, still hovering but his body directly above hers, hands planted by her sides. they stay like that for a few more minutes, with him placing, one, two, three kisses against her lips. quick and with no other purpose but to feel and do. because they can. because he wants to do it for as long as he can. when they turn a little longer, a little more open and a little pulling, she pulls back, hands on his chest. he tries to read things well, despite being a little dazed, so he holds his forehead against hers. he knows when she’s got this look like she wants to speak and he sees her teeth bite into her lip.

“listen,” he tries to shake off a lot of things, everything really. focus on her in his arms and beneath him. when haeri’s eyes meet his, breath gets knocked out. she looks serious so she braces himself. “i’m sore.” it’s the same as before, firm but with the muffle towards the end. with her eyes trying to hold his but darting at the end. “i’m sore and you should take responsibility for it because it’s really your fault.” jaesun’s smart, so he knows exactly what he should and shouldn’t do right now. he shouldn’t open his mouth and comment on any of the events from the night before. any of the encouragement or those heat of the moment things, he should nod ( which he does ) and let his hands release. 

he hadn’t even realized they were sneaking up her shirt or how flushed she looked until now.

“anything you want.” he says that with a quick kiss to her cheek. “sweeeeeeeeet, all of it sweet.” when he turns to get off the bed he hears what sounds like haeri stretching. he doesn’t dare look. “chocolate sauce or chocolate chips?” “both.” “powdered sugar or whipped cream?” “both.” he’s up and grabbing his phone. midway through the door he hears it, “i love yooouuuu.”