#silva rambles

okay so i'll do my best to my thoughts coherent-

so Luck is the oldest child of her family. she has a younger sibling nicknamed Snail due to their intense interest in snails (and because they generally prefer to be referred as such). In terms of attraction, she's as you can see demiromantic and lesbian. Which means she spent most of her childhood and teenagehood being romantically attracted to no one, making her feel a bit odd compared to others (among other things), which pushed to try to force herself to have crushes but never succeeding because you just can't force a crush . Later she will end up having romantic feelings for her best friend but after a long, long time knowing her. (best friend who is an OC by my friend Mirage who unfortunatly deactivated here).

She has a great connexion with cats and imo she would absolutely be a cat therian and identify as catgender. She's also transfem because my Sims game said so (my Sims version of her dads had a baby that was a boy and you can't change the gender of a born Sim in the game so she's transfem now). She enjoys both stuff labeled as feminine and masculine and doesn't really give a damn about what she would be supposed to like because of her gender.

Imo in her childhood she would have a very black and white way of thinking but it would become more nuanced growing up.

Alsooo she would feel kind of othered compared to others, firstly because of her romantic orientation, and probably because of her gender identity ; but also because of her neurodivergence. In my head she would probably have ADHD, but the kind that flies under the radar because she did well at school and didn't display the stereotypical hyperactive boy symptoms. But she would always feel that kind of difference still, like they was a transparent wall between her and others. Something so so discreet but yet so obvious that it was painful. i think Luck would be a kinda popular kid at school in the way that she's pretty much friendly with anyone (as long as you're not clocked as an asshole of course) but she always felt that tiny, oh so tiny but yet so painful offset compared to others, in terms of ways to behave, feel, think. it's really tenuous but it's there nonetheless. and nothing to fix that. she first thought that the reason she couldn't be normal was because of her parents, because it's not like it's usual to have two ex-killers/morally dubious persons as parents. so she ressented and blamed her dads for making her exist. she never consented to be there, and with those settings, in the first place. of course it's not the core reason, but it kept getting unadressed, making this feeling worsen over time. she'd cling so hard to that "popular kid" reputation and role as it is the only thing that makes her feel socially equal/superior to others. but one wrong step and it would be ruined forever. she puts one hell of a pressure on herself to follow the right path, sometimes playing a bit with danger just to be that one cool friend everyone wants in their team, to the point or lately, in her seventeens, she'd probably be the kind of person to come back home a bit drunk and with an aftertaste of drugs on the tongue. she's not alone in this, she has her friends, but even with them she doesn't feel like she can connect as much as she probably should with them for some stupid she can't seem to put the finger on. and she has the bad habit she inherited from Threat to hide when times are tough. so if you don't know her well, hard to tell things aren't so great for her. every fricking option in any kind of social interaction feels like the wrong answer. like a school test except no answer is the right one because the way you write your answer sentence will never be good enough for the teacher. so there's that plus the executive dysfunction which is a BITCH. and she would be so angry at herself, not understanding why she can't push herself to do such simple things. she'd become very irritable and would probably lash out on others, her sibling included, which ends up creating a rather complicated relationship with them. and deep inside she knows it is unfair for them. it would be at the point she would sometimes be borderline ableist to them which would reflect the ableism she puts on herself. Convinced that "if you want you can" because she's in denial that she, maybe, wasn't "normal" to start with. she would refuse to seek help despite her family and friends' advice, feeling like no one understood what she was going though and that experience would be so isolating. in adulthood she would so nostalgic of her childhood because "everything was simpler", she succeeded with minimal effort but now everything feels like a chore. She aims to be a hero, but puts herself under so much self-inflicted pressure that she ends up burning out.

anywayyyy i love her, she can be a bit of an asshole sometimes but she's not bad at heart. just. in deep denial and confusion. bonus gift, have a playlist of her :

it's mainly lyricless songs for vibes and stuff but uh two songs that heavily inspired my whole pain about not being quite normal rambling for her are :

Love, me normally by Will Wood

Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave by Will Wood