It had been a couple of weeks since Roman had returned, but he still hadn’t been by the college to see Silas. The address sat on his desk, and he stared at it every night, waiting to see his boy again. Jackson wasn’t letting him out of his sights until he was healthy and nourished again. Roman insisted he was fine, but he supposed his argument would be more convincing if he hadn’t fainted once or twice. If there was anything Papa knew how to do best, it was keeping them to a strict diet. At least until he and Jayden had their old strength back again. It took some logical argument, a firm foot…and some pleading, but Jackson eventually relented and let Roman drive out to Silas’ college. He could have taken a much quicker form of transportation, but his father suggested keeping a low profile especially on such a big campus.

 Jackson watched his baby drive away from the porch when he felt Brendan a few feet behind him, just as worried and concerned about Roman being off on his own so soon. They hadn’t really spoken, barely even looked at each other when they were in the same room.

 “Are you sure this was a good idea?” Brendan asked, arms crossed just under his chest. He’d hardly stepped out of his room, let alone walk outside since they lost Roman. He knew Jackson must hate him after what he did but he wasn’t sure letting Roman go was the best course of action.

 “No.” Jackson said, not turning to look at his…well, Brendan. “But he wanted to go. We can’t keep him here forever.”

 “He just got back from…wherever the hell he was.”

 “It’s been a month. We can’t stop him from seeing Silas. He’ll be fine. He promised to call when he got there.” Jackson said, leaning against the frame of the porch.

 “It’s too soon for him.” Brendan said. “What if something happens to him?”

 Jackson turned to look at Brendan, and what he saw was not what he expected; the facial hair that made him look sexy in a tired, rugged sort of way. His hair had grown thicker, messier, like how he looked after their first time. His heart hurt a little, seeing him after so long, listening to him, hearing his voice. “He’s going to be okay. He knows what he’s doing. He wouldn’t have forgiven us if we kept him here.”

 Brendan sighed softly, nodding his head. He looked up at Jacks, his J, wanting to say so many thing but he’d never been one for words. “Jackson-“

 “I have work to do.” Jackson cut, walking right passed Brendan and back into the house. The younger wolf felt his heart sink into his stomach, knowing he deserved it, but it didn’t feel any better. At least he knew where Jackson stood. He walked over to the rail and placed his hands on them, still seeing the trail of dust Roman had left in his father’s car. His baby boy was here now, and he just had to learn to let him go. The thought of that broke him. But Roman wasn’t lost anymore.

He had to be strong for Roman, because things with Silas may not pan out so well. He just needed to accept things the way they would be from now on, even if it meant losing Jackson for sure.

 “Daddy?”

 Brendan turned around and looked at Jayden who’d just woken up. He was still recovering, though he looked healthier than he did four weeks ago. The colour was back in his cheeks, and the dark circles around his eyes were lightening up. “Hey, kiddo. How’re you feeling?”

 “Better. Papa’s regime’s working.”

 Brendan smiled, stroking his son’s cheek. “Good. That’s good. Are you hungry?”

 “Like a wolf.”

 “Come on, I’ll make you a sandwich.”

 Jayden smiled. His breakfasts had involved Jackson’s eggs and protein pancakes and hearty fruits, but one of Brendan’s sandwiches sounded perfect. “I’d like that.” He said, following Brendan into the kitchen. “Would it be okay if I spent the day with you?”

 Brendan met those blue eyes. Parker and Laura hadn’t forgiven him after what he did, to them and to their Papa. Lettie had a heart of gold, and simply wanted him back. She was back at school now, so his days had been fairly quiet. While he’d sought refuge in the solitude for the last year, it irked him now. He wanted to be with his babies.

 “I’d really like that. Is there anything you’d like to do?”

 “Well, I’d really like to go for a walk. Stretch my legs a little. We don’t have to go far.” Jayden added, knowing that Papa had been keeping he and Roman as close as possible. He was worried, but Jayden truly felt better now. At least, better enough to spend the day in the sun.

 “A walk sounds perfect.”

 Jayden sat at the counter, watching his father prepare him one of his famous sandwiches – peanutbutter and nuttella.

 “Did Roman go to see Silas?” He asked.

 “Yes he did. Left a little while ago.”

 Jayden bit the inside of his cheek. There was a lot of water under that bridge, he was just worried Roman was rushing things. “Do you think it’ll be okay?” He asked as Brendan put a plate in front of him.

 “I don’t know.” He said, stroking Jayden’s hair out of his face. “I hope so.”

  ~

 Roman didn’t know where to look. The photographs online certainly didn’t do the campus any justice. He was so excited to be here, in a graduate sort of way. Roman didn’t know if he’d be going back to school to finish his last year so he could enrol here one day. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life, who he wanted to be. Right now, all he wanted was to see Silas. Just see him. Hear his voice, smell his cologne from his skin rather than from the shirts he’d left in his room…their room. He had no idea what he would do or say, all he knew was that he had to see him. He needed to make things right by him, even if Silas hated him. The last he remembered, Silas said he loved him. That’s what gave him hope, faith that they could be together.

 He roamed the campus for a while, exploring all the outdoor grounds – football and tennis courts, the pool. The pool that reminded him of Jayden. His baby brother had been captain of the swim team. He remembered how proud he was, that big grin on his face when he told everyone. Roman couldn’t help thinking how he’d ruined all their lives but he would try and make up for it no matter what it took. Pulling himself out of his trance, he left the pool and walked back outside. He’d been walking around aimlessly for hours before he decided to finally ask the administration office about Silas’ classes and dorm designation. The lady had been reluctant at first, but it was nothing a little of that Whittemore-Hale charm couldn’t handle.

 He read the paper over and over again, carrying it with him as he tried to find Silas’ dorm. He felt like he was walking around in circles, in a maze that was never ending. He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked back outside, seeing a lacrosse practice on the field. For the sake of resting his mind, he decided to sit for a moment and watch the team play. They wore their gear proudly, and honestly, they could definitely use a little practice. He hoped there weren’t any real games around the corner because they definitely needed the time to better their strategies. Or at least work on a strategy. He looked down at the paper in his hand with Silas’ information, sighing. He didn’t think this through. He should’ve called or something, but it wouldn’t have been enough for his heart.

 Silas was the only thing that mattered now. He’d missed out on a year of the teen’s life, and he had to wonder what had changed. How he’d changed…he knew that what happened to Danny would’ve destroyed him. He couldn’t imagine the pain and grief Silas must have felt in the last twelve months, and it broke his heart to even think about it. He leaned his elbow on his thigh, watching them practice, thinking back to high school, how he and Silas were co-captains of their lacrosse team. Their team amazing. It was fun playing with the pack, with their classmates. It had been so nice, wearing the uniform, and have Silas’ arm around him as they walked back to the locker room, or have Silas lift him up whenever they won a game. His best friend. He grew up with that boy and in the end, Roman let him down.

 God, he needed to see him.

 When Roman looked back up, the team were taking off their helmets. Two of the team members seemed pretty close, their helmets still on. The taller one reached for the shorter one and pulled off his helmet. Roman sat up straight, eyes focused on him. He was smiling. He looked so beautiful, so stunning. He could see the sweat glistening on the back of his neck, his shirt sticking to his back. Roman smiled. There he was. He finally found him. He stood up, going to approach him before he lost his nerve but he stopped in his tracks when the taller boy cupped the back of Silas’ head and took one step closer. Roman sat back, hiding between the bleachers as he watched some stranger kiss Silas, pulling him closer by the back of his neck. And Silas was still smiling, holding on to the other man’s shirt, kissing him back just as keenly.

 He wondered if this is what it felt like being on the other side, when Silas saw him with Vince, when Silas knew he was with Vince. He wasn’t allowed to be jealous, or hurt. He pushed Silas here, and he seemed so happy. The man’s arms draped around his waist, Silas’ around the taller man’s neck. He could just imagine those soft sounds against his own lips, the smallest gasps and moans as he eased in for more. He’d only been with Silas once, like a memory from a dream. As he watched them now, his heart felt a need to love him. And if he had to do it from a distance, then he would learn to live with that. His heart was pounding so hard, he thought his rib cage would break. With a gasp, he hid out of sight when Silas turned around.

 “What is it? Are you okay?” He asked, stroking Silas’ cheek.

 Silas looked toward the bleachers, brows furrowed in concentration. “I thought I saw…” he trailed off, before looking back at his companion. “It’s nothing. I guess I’m just tired.”

 “Too tired to meet up after our shower?” He asked, kissing the side of Silas’ mouth, then his chin, his jaw, his neck.

 “Oh, not that tired. I’ve been looking forward to having you in my bed all day.”

 “We have a time and place. Let’s get going.”

 Silas smiled, walking with his arm around the man’s waist. He couldn’t help looking over his shoulder just one more time. He could’ve sworn…but it couldn’t be. He was distracted from his thoughts when he was pulled into another kiss, and let all his worries slip away.

~

 Roman knew he should leave…but the stubbornness in him wouldn’t allow it. He’d come this far trying to find Silas, and he refused to leave without at least letting the teen know he was back. From the bleachers, he’s been able to see that Silas let his facial hair grow out. It was strange to see, but not unpleasant. He finally found Silas’ room.

 Now, he waited for the stranger to exit so he could talk to Silas by himself.

 Two hours passed before the door finally opened. Silas’ hair was ruffled and his cheeks were flushed. The man walked outside of the room and Silas leaned against the door frame, smiling as the taller boy leaned in to kiss him.

 “If you keep doing that, I’m going to pull you back in.”

 “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

 “I have to study. Maybe I can see you before class tomorrow.”

 “You know the deal. Just message me the time and place. I’ll be there.”

 “Yours. Tomorrow, 8:30.”

 “I’ll be waiting, Mahealani.”

 The other stole one more kiss from Silas, who, for a split second, found himself stepping out of the doorway to lean into it. After a moment, the wolf broke away from him and murmured a soft goodbye before retreating into his dorm room.

 Roman waited just a few more minutes, willing his heart to somehow compose itself. He was sure that Silas could hear him, but he waited. The hallway was empty, the lights were dim, and now, his heart beat was slowing down. Good. Taking a deep breath, he moved out of his hiding spot and stood in front of Silas’ door. This was it. The last time he saw his love was a time he wasn’t sure he’d ever see him again. He couldn’t blame Silas for being with someone, regardless of the nature of their relationship. Finding he was only prolonging the inevitable, he finally knocked on the door.

 Silas lay on his bed in nothing but one of Roman’s jumpers, his sleeves rolled up, prepared for a quiet night of studying and nothing more. His roommate often slept elsewhere. He didn’t ask, the other student didn’t tell. They stayed out of each other’s business, but were fairly decent to each other. Silas didn’t want any trouble, or drama for that matter. He just wanted to finish his studies and move on with his life. He supposed whoever was at the door was here for them, so he grabbed the nearest pair of briefs and slipped into them.

 He reached for the door knob, stopping in his tracks and simply stared at the door. That scent. He’d picked up on it after the lacrosse practice, and he thought he was going crazy. He must be going crazy. He blinked when there was another knock on the door, ripping him from his thoughts.

 He knows its me. He knows its me. Just open the door. Its me.

 When the door opened, Roman held his breath.

 He didn’t realise how unprepared he was to look into those eyes again, how he hadn’t quite figured out what to say to him. But now, he was standing there, looking as beautiful and as magnificent as ever.

 “Hi Silas…” He breathed. “It’s so nice to see you.”

 Silas stared, gazing over the shape of Roman’s lips, the curve of his eyes, the Hale qualities of his hair.

 “This…this isn’t real. I’ve been studying too hard. I need sleep, that’s what it is.”

 Roman smiled gently, unable to stop gazing at him. “Silas…it’s really me. I’m really here.” He insisted, following Silas inside and closed the door behind him. “I’ve been back for-“

 “This is some trick. I’m dreaming. It’s a nice dream but…but…you’re not real.”

 “I’m as real as that textbook on your bed.” Roman said, looking over at the academic weight on the bed.

 “You’re…but you were…when I left, you were…”

 “Petrified. I know.” Roman said, reaching for Silas’ hand and entwined their fingers. He raised their hands to Silas’ cheek, making sure the back of his hand was pressed against Silas’ skin. “But its really me. I swear, it’s me.”

 Silas couldn’t stop himself from leaning into that hand, pressing his nose into Roman’s skin with a sigh, fluttering his eyes closed. His eyes filled with tears as he opened them again, shaking his head as he tried to catch his breath. The lump in his throat grew bigger, and his chest hurt more than it ever had in the last few months. Being here, away from the house and the pack, made him forget about why he was here in the first place; the reason why he was studying so hard in the first place. He wondered if Danny would be ashamed of him for what he was doing. Or, more precisely, who he was doing. That’s not what he was here for, but whenever he was with him, Silas felt as if the universe didn’t exist. Not because he was in love, or because he was falling in love, but because he was the distraction Silas needed.

 He looked at Roman as the teen stroked his tears away, wanting to hold him as close as possible. “You should sit. You haven’t said anything. And you never not say anything.” He said, pulling Silas toward the bed and guided him onto the mattress. “It’s kind of a long story.”

 Silas pulled away from Roman, harshly rubbing at his eyes. “I’ve got time.”

 Roman frowned. “It’s a little hard to explain. There were just some things I had to do before I could return to my body. I had to help Jayden. Everything that happened was my fault. I did what I had to save the-“

 “Stop.” Silas interrupted abruptly. “Just…stop. I know all that. I get why you did what you did. I may not understand all the technicalities of your power. And even if you explain it to me, I know I’m not going to understand. Jayden tried to tells us you were in trouble, and we…” he trailed off. Roman no longer had the qualities of a wolf, but he could feel Silas’ shame and regret.

 “You couldn’t have known the truth. I led you to believe that I hated you.”

 Silas looked into Roman’s eyes. “You broke my heart.”

 Roman’s eyes filled with tears, taking a deep breath. “I know. What I did to you was unforgiveable. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. But I needed to see you. I wanted to tell you myself.”

 “Tell me what?”

“That I’m so sorry. For hurting you, and pushing you away. I can’t explain why I ever left, what was going through my head. There are times I can’t even remember how it all happened.”

 Silas was quiet for a moment, listening to Roman speak. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand as Roman’s voice filled the air. It’s something he thought he’d never experience again, Roman’s proximity, the calm and serene look in his eyes, the way he blushes when he smiles.

 “It started with Hudson.” Silas found himself saying, looking down at his hands as he toyed with the hem of his jumper…Roman’s jumper. “Ever since Hudson, it seemed like everything spiralled out of control. When you lost Hudson, there was a part of you that always seemed broken, even when we were together. What happened to Hudson. It’s the same thing that happened to Charlie, isn’t it?”

 With tears rolling down his cheeks, he gazed up at Silas who was still looking at him. “How did you figure that out? I didn’t explain that till I came back.”

 “I wasn’t sure. It’s just that I remember Hudson. He was a good guy. He made you happy. But it’s almost like something started to eat at him. He got darker, and demanding, there was just something evil inside him. I noticed it in Charlie too. And I may also have read poked through some of your books while you were gone…” Silas admitted, finally looking up at Roman. “I wanted to understand you. I thought that if I tried, then you’d come back to us,” he confessed, reaching over to wipe Roman’s tears with his thumb. “You left a few behind. I thought that if I could just get it. Then we could stop fighting each other, we could be the way we once were. You’re my best friend. And nothing was ever the same without you. You have to understand something. I’ll always love you. I always have. I don’t think there’s anything in the world that could ever change that, even after everything we’ve been through.”

 “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I really did miss you. I missed you so much. I tried fighting him all those months, I swear I did. But he had everything hanging over my head. He threatened to kill you, and I couldn’t take that chance. Meeting him…I understood that there are worse things than death. What he did to Jayden…it was mass destruction. I’m not sure he’ll ever be the same. I can’t forgive myself for that.”

 “You can’t blame yourself for what that monster did. He hurt you too. He manipulated and blackmailed you.”

 That’s not all he did, Roman thought. He resisted the urge to touch his stomach, where their baby had once been developing.

 “You don’t understand, Silas. I had a choice. With Jayden, I had a choice. And I chose wrong.”

 Silas frowned. “What are you talking about?”

 “I turned my back on my own brother. He met Vince a little while ago…I was um…well, we were at a club. Jayden shouldn’t have been there. He begged me to come home. I wouldn’t. and he challenged Vince. He didn’t know who he was at the time, but he tried to fight him the second time they crossed paths, when he found me.”

 Silas sighed, rubbing his face. “He did see you. We thought…”

 “I know.” Roman said, trying not to stare at Silas’ bare legs. “It all sounded crazy. Travelling through a vanity mirror. I owe him so much. He never gave up on me…I didn’t deserve his love, but he kept trying to find me. He wouldn’t stop. I tried to push him away, for his own safety. He challenged Vince head on. He didn’t care about himself. He just wanted to get me back home. But I couldn’t. not while I knew what would-“

 Roman was silenced by Silas’ arms around him. That warmth. He’d deprived himself of it for so long he’d almost forgotten what it felt like. For so long, he felt nothing by abuse and violence aimed at his body in some of the worst forms. Now, Silas was holding him. Silas pressed his face into Roman’s neck. “I don’t know how. I don’t know about the why, or the rules of the universe or the grand design but you’re back. You’re here. That’s all I care about.”

 Roman let himself cry, wrapping his own arms around Silas, holding him just as close. “I was so sure…s-so sure you’d hate me after what I did. I’m so ashamed of everything I did. I don’t know how you could forgive me.” He wept, pressing his cheek into Silas’ shoulder.

 “I couldn’t hate you. No matter what happened between us, all I wanted was for you to come back.” Silas said, cupping the back of Roman’s head.

 “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that.” Roman laughed through his tears, basking in Silas’ warmth, his love.

 “Despite that…we can’t do this.” Silas said, pulling away from him. “I’m…I’m kind of seeing someone.” Silas admitted, not knowing what else to call it. The relationship was purely physical. “Though I imagine you know that. Because know I’m convinced you were at the lacrosse field today.” He mused, sitting back.

 “Is it serious?” Roman asked, almost regretting it.

 Silas shrugged. “I give him a time and place…and, well. You can imagine the rest.” He murmured, blushing and rubbed the back of his beck unable to look Roman in the eye.

 “I see. He’s a lucky guy.” Roman smiled, delicately holding Silas chin between his fingers. “I’m not judging you. When you’re ready to consider us, let me know.” He leaned over and kissed Silas’ cheek.

 The wolf sighed softly, turning his head so their noses were pressed together. “I will. I know where you live.” He joked.

 Roman laughed, burying his face in Silas’ neck. “Right back at you.”

 ~

 “How did it go?”

 “It was just physical to him, so he took it pretty well.” Silas said, placing chips and dips on the coffee table before finally sitting down.

 It had been a couple of weeks since he and Roman had reunited, and the wolf found he didn’t want to live his life without Roman. He wanted to love him, marry him, have kids when Roman was ready. he was in love with Roman. He always had been, since they were kids. Silas realised that now. There was no grand design. They were always meant to be.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t be. It’s what we agreed on.” Silas said, ruffling his hair and sighed. “He’s probably found someone else.”

 “I don’t get how he could spend all that time in your room and not fall in love with you.”

 Silas smiled. “Not everyone’s perfect, Ro.”

Roman laughed and shook his head. “Hey, don’t be so up yourself. This may be your room but I’ll still make you sleep on the floor.”

 Silas raised his arms in surrender. “Okay, okay. I won’t test you.” He said, reaching for the snacks he laid out in the middle.

 “So…how do we do this?”

 Silas shrugged. “We do what normal people do. We date.”

 “Like…dinner and dessert, and a walk along the beach?”

 “See? You’re grasping the concept already.” Silas teased, moving around the table so he could sit next to Roman. “Only if you want to do this.”    

 “Believe me. I do.”        

 ~

 Roman always woke up before Silas. He found it to be peaceful, watching his boyfriend sleep, tracing patterns over his cheeks lightly, kissing the side of his lips, breathing him in for as long as he could before Silas had to get up for his classes. Silas studied so hard, and Roman admired him for it. He loved him so much, his heart ached sometimes but in the best way possible. He checked the time. There was still a good hour before Silas had to wake up, so Roman decided to use what skills he’d inherited from his Papa and try his hand at breakfast…but not before a shower. Quietly and slowly, he slipped out of bed, pulling on the nearest tank he could find. He looked down at Silas, leaning over to press a kiss to his temple. Roman hadn’t seen him this relaxed for a few weeks. Exams weren’t far away now and Silas was just trying to spend every waking hour studying for them.

 He stepped into a pair of shorts, grabbed a towel and a change of clothes then slipped out of the bedroom. Technically, he wasn’t even supposed to be here and if the deen found out, Silas would be in so much trouble. To avoid that consequence, he took his showers early in the morning or late at night when hardly anyone was there. Roman sighed under the warmth of the water, letting it trail down his body like a waterfall. He was so happy to be here, happy the nightmare was finally over. He just wanted to focus on him and Silas, the one thing he knows he can make better.

 Waking up to Silas’ smile, and those sweet eyes and his sleepy morning kisses was his favourite thing. It made him feel loved and wanted, because he hadn’t brushed his hair or washed his face or shaved is jaw but Silas still wanted to touch him and kiss him. Roman could see them getting married one day, maybe living in a place of their own for a change. He knew that if they wanted, uncle Derek would build an extension to the house. But Roman wanted privacy. He wanted to spend time with Silas without anyone busting their door open. He supposed the time he spent in the other house had a major impact on how he viewed domestic life. They wouldn’t live far, close to their family. Their pack. But that was only if Silas wanted. He wouldn’t force the wolf to break away from his alpha, from his instinctual connection if that part of him couldn’t handle it.

 He smiled like a lovesick fool thinking of Silas as he walked back to the dorm room. He unlocked the door and stepped in to find a very agitated wolf.

 “Silas? Si?” Roman called to him, closing the door.

 Silas whipped around, eyes focused on him with such relief.  “Roman. There you are.”

 “Here I am.” Roman smiled, setting the keys down and approached his darling wolf, stroking his hair out of his eyes. “Hey. What’s the matter?” he asked, furrowing his brows in concern and cupped his cheeks. “Did you have another nightmare?”

 “I, um…” Silas struggled to find the words, leaning into Roman’s hands and pressed his nose into palms. “I just…I woke up, and you were gone. I couldn’t find you. I thought…I thought…” Silas’ voice broke as he struggled to find the words.

 “What? You thought I left?” He asked softly, wiping Silas’ tears. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.” He murmured, lifting Silas into his arms and carried him back towards the bed.

 “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t. I just…I’m so scared that I’ll lose you again. I cant live through that again. I just can’t.” He breathed, burying his face into Roman’s neck, breathing him in deeply.

 “It’s okay. I know I hurt you. But that’s not going to happen again, okay?” He murmured, stroking Silas’ bare thigh as he gently laid him back.

 “Okay.” He murmured, gazing up at Silas. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like that.”

 Roman kissed his temple and stroked his hair, waiting for his heartbeat to relax under his hand. “Did you dream about your dad again?” he asked gently.

 Silas sighed and nodded, comforted by Roman’s hands on his body. “Yeah. It’s always the same. I can’t save him.”

 “I know.” Roman said, his own eyes on the brim of tears. “But you know, we’re going to have a nice future together. You and me, we’re forever. I am never going to leave you again. I promise.”

 Silas smiled softly. “I really like the sound of that.” He murmured, pulling the blanket over their bodies. Class wasn’t necessary today. He just wanted to stay with Roman.

 “I love you so much, Silas.”

 “I love you too, Roman.” He said, holding Roman against him. “I want to marry you.”

 “You do?”

 “I do.”

 Roman entwined their fingers, their little promise.