#silly starters

" it's over for me and my life! "

" what an amazingly dated sentence. "

" i hope we can find a way out together. "

" well, i think i killed some people. "

" tried to run away from me did you? i don't think so. "

" friends have not come very easy to me, see... "

" i'm temporarily suspending that thing i said about killing. "

" alright, put it- put it down. we're friends. "

" eww, you're so weird! "

" can you stop looking at me like that? you're making me very nervous, gonna be honest. "

" this is the worst possible outcome! "

" i feel like you could do some real harm out there! "

" stop chilling! enemy combatants! "

" it's nice to know there are other people out there that crave violence as much as i do. "

" we have nuclear weapons?! "

" nope! you're watching Princess Bride with me! "

" this is life or death, do you understand?! "

" that's a time bomb. "

" i'm not scared at all actually. "

" i was expecting some earth-shattering kaboom. "

" i did that on purpose! "

" i simply live for the drama of it all. "

" a young girl like you shouldn't be so concerned about war! "

" shooting and fucking are the same thing! "

" let's go! we've got to stop that lady and kill her with our hands. "

" i don't know what's going on i'm fucked up on that googoogaagaa seaweed. "

" oh, this bitch again? get his ass! kill him! "

" normally when we hit people like this they fall a lot quicker, so i think this is fucked up. "

" i guess the moral of the story is: don't eat an entire box of jalapeño poppers in one sitting. "

" STOP IT! STOP! STOP! STOP STOP! SHUT UP! "

" you know, for a hack doctor you did a good job! "

" i have bad eyesight. i need a big book so i can read big words. "

" oh, please stop messing around! "

" they're gonna... they're fucking our shit. "

" you little bastards! "

" this must be the king's castle. "

" my entire life has been leading to this singular moment. "

" you know i think i'm done with all the fighting stuff, you guys want to be friends? "

" wait is it like a destiel thing? "

" i think we're dead. we're dead. bye everybody. "

" i'm going to double heaven because i never had sex! "

" that ain't no pussy, boy. "

" wait, ow! ouch! you fucking little bitch! "

" that guy's life is basically the worst. "

" i'm gonna shoot the fucking moon. "

" i hate this! i gave you a grenade, enjoy! "

" when is that grenade gonna blow up? "

" it's been five minutes since you last took a life. "

" well, it's god's problem now. "

A content little bat. The absolute picture of being a GoodBoyTM. What will you do?

(reply for a new thread)

“who gave you this number?”

“well this was an objectively terrible idea.”

“my advice for you would be to jump out of a window.”

“i save every rat i find.”

“i found this rat on the train.”

“i’m vegan.”

“it’s my last day.”

“what if a pregnant woman comes on?”

“put the catcher in the rye next to them and cops think they’re coocoo when they wake up.”

“you got a husband?”

 “i have a crush on you.”

“full disclosure, i made too much.”

“i gotta get rid of this lo mein.”

“i tried to do a trick to get on instagram.”

“i’m shitting myself.”

“they tried to kill me.”

“i still have these peanuts.”

“you fell in the water, why are you eating it?”

“it’s the only psychoactive drug that’s lemon-lime flavored.”

“someone pushed you out the plane?”

“you look like you could diffuse a bomb.”

“is she dead?”

“what the fuck is that?”

“i don’t eat hot dogs.”

“you seem on edge.”

“that is definitely illegal.”

“you ever do cocaine?”

“is that okay to say?”

“you wanna boof this cheesecake?”

“you gotta parachute it.”

“you gotta parachute it. into your ass.”

“it hurts to sit.”

“can we start over?”

“why are you trying to be all things to all people?”

“the only thing worse than a human murder is a fish murder.”

“why was the carpet up there?”

“it’s hard to say.”

“whether you’re eve or steve, this adam is one juicy apple and i wouldn’t mind to take a bite.”

“there’s some shit underneath the couch.”

“you’re wearing spiked boots. you’re supposed to be fearless.”

“spiked boots!!”

“damn.”

“that’s really nice.”

“what’s his name?”

“you’re known for dropping pretty big deuces on set.”

It was painful to find these lines, lets be in pain together

All of the lines come from a mixture of the 50 Shades Series written by EL James

Change the pronouns if you need!

Warning: Strong language and suggestive words (but come it’s the 50 Shades book, what you expect?)

"His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."

"He's my very own [ name ] popsicle."

"[ name ] just sent me a winking smiley... Oh my."

"I don't think my heart could stand the strain of another e-mail like that, or my pants for that matter."

"I was serious about marrying you. We can get to know each other then."

"He has a hotline to my groin."

"He is an exceptional lover, I'm sure – though, of course, I have no comparison."

"How do they know it's him? His trademark unruly copper hair, no doubt."

"Sometimes you're so closed off... like an island state."

"What a time to have a brain-to-mouth filter malfunction."

"We don't have long, [name ], and the way I'm feeling right this moment, we won't need long."

"I wonder if it's still lust at first sight for them."

"The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing."

"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."

"What's wrong? What did that creepy good-looking bastard do?"

"Hmmm - he's soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty."

"Holy crap - just-fucked pigtails do not suit me, either."

 “Put the chicken in the fridge.”

"Dude. I need to get out of Seattle this weekend. This chick is all over my junk and I've got to get away."

"She's oil on my troubled, deep, dark waters." 

"And the sound travels directly to my groin." 

"Well, I could fuck you over this piano."

"I'm all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake- and he knows exactly what he's doing to me."

"Argon? It rings a distant bell from chemistry class- an element, I think."

"She wants all that romantic shit. Fuck."

"My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot."

"I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto."

“You didn’t have to track me down with whatever James Bond gadgetry you’re developing for the highest bidder.”

“This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.”

“Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?”

“Some boy scout he must have been to learn these knots.”

“I thought it was chocolate hot fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on top. But hey, what do I know?”

“You have dreadful sex hair.”

I don’t remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible.”

Poor, fucked up, kinky, philanthropic [ name ].”

"Introduce you to my [ relative ] as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'.”

“Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.” 

"No one's ever said no to me before. And it's so - hot.” 

"They probably all thought you were gay, you know.” 

“Oh... by the way, I’m wearing your underwear.”

“She says that I have to abstain from all sexual activity for the next four weeks.”

“I don't know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you.” 

“I wasn't aware we were fighting. I thought we were communicating,” 

"Technically, I'm you're boss's boss's boss."

“I'd never beat you black and blue. I aim for pink." 

“I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am.” 

“Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck…hard.”

‘Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, [ name ].’”

“If I want to buy you a fucking car, I'll buy you a fucking car.”

"90% of your wedding budget is on chocolate."

"Keep in mind that this is in the middle of July."

"I'm at Carl's Jr and all I see is other restaurants staring at us."

"I went to school that Friday and tripped on grass."

"I need to find the teacher person with the hair and thing who teaches."

"Next time I get annoyed with a coworker I'm going to say he can go suck on my six dicks."

"Go choke on my sextudick."

"It's too late for this."

"It's too early for this."

"You have to draw a poorly drawn dick on one though."

"We're talking about lettuce porn."

"I should be a porn director. I'll specialize in veggie porn and sometimes do collabs with fruit porn people."

"Should I get pizza today? I think I should."

"No sinning today."

"It was just a pillow fight, officer. What do you mean you're not supposed to stuff a pillow with knives?"

"That meme is gonna haunt me forever."

"We should probably both sleep."

“That sounds like ‘I want to die’ kind of talk.”

“Are you a boat?”

“Can I sword you to death?”

“How come there’s no goddamn apples?”

“Don’t worry; I’ve got this.”

“You’re the only one with a penis.”

“Eat the corn!”

“We went from knife-fighting bears to having an assault rifle.”

“That doesn’t make sense, human meat should be juicy.”

“ she made me cock ” 

" yeah I get that but what do we do now? Maybe kill everyone. "

“ GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY NATIONAL NOSE PICKING DAY ”

“ -- or you could strap on a fish stick ”

“ let's hope we don't resort to canniblism ” 

“ It's the "we're all dead and forever attractive" club ”

“ mmm zora sushi ”

“ there’s nothing wrong with necrophilia ”

“ ____ proposed to me last night in the KFC parking lot in front of a white family ”

“ Unless I did get drunk last night and did for whatever reason, propose to ______ in the parking lot of a KFC in front of a white family... ”

“ You've been through hell and back and you're going "ewww" at those who lays eggs. ”

“ it's a rat in cat clothing ”

“ Now no one's having foot soup. ”

“ More like a dumbass brat with dumbass needs. ”

“ i made love with the curry ”

“ ...Are you actually preg--- wait you said gregnant. ”

“ Try Craig's list, i here you can get great boyfriends there ”

“ ..how do you hold fuck ”

“ why shove her in a closet when you could shove her in a trunk? ”

“ you can still be my mistress? ”

“ guys have you seen my cat? it has a mask ”

“ pudding cat. ”

“ is ____ keeping kids hostage? ”

“ let this be a lesson to you kids, don't eat bee larva or you'll become a cum dumpster and ass eater ”

“ now that i have food i want to lay down and sleep like the fat cat i am ”

“ THIS LIL SPIDER ASS MONKEY BITCH ”

" i think i'm fucked for death. "

" sorry, i zoned out for a second. "

" i don't think i can kill you here sir, but i suppose i can try if you want. "

" get off my proprety! this is a federal offense! i told you so many times! "

" hey, wait a minute! i needed to tell you something! "

" and i'm here to ruin everything! "

" that sounds a little bit heretical to me. "

" it's gone. it's all gone. i'm disassociating. "

" why does this place suck so much?! "

" i wonder if they'll set me as the new pope. i think that would be really cool! "

" i think we all did really bad things. "

" well that's not very nice, fuck you dude. "

" oh my god. they all said you were dead. "

" i think it's good that you died. "

" i think i died. "

" you probably shouldn't kill anyone. at least that's my advice? i try to not kill people. "

" it was pretty cool thought, you have to admit. "

" i guess i'll only use my sword as a tool of justice. "

" this morality shit is easy. "

" my back is stuck to this wall. i think the paint was wet when i leaned on it. "

" of course i have my best guy on the task. "

" do you not have faith in me? "

" i tried to kill him five times. "

" i'm like everybody's favorite character! "

" oh i'm sorry, that was really insensitive. "

" i'll fucking destroy you! "

" i think conquering the world is something i'd love to do, if you don't mind. "

" hey how's it going? i was thinking about maybe kidnapping you and starting some evil plots or something. is that chill? "

" oh god, not like this! i thought quicksand was just a legend! "

" oh hey. i got kidnapped. "

" how did you let that happen?! "

" that guy is the most unreliable person i've ever seen. "

" fellas i need you to hold me back. "

" hehe! that's not even what i wanted! "

" i'm kinda going against our plan a little. "

" oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. "

" the good news is that i didn't take another life today. "

" yeah, that's what i was saying 'oh shit' about, in case you were wondering. i knew he was alive. i tried to tell you. "

" i don't like that this guy is just playing god like that. "

" i don't have a couch, but you can crash on the floor? "

" i've never been so wrought with regret in my life! "

" uh, hey, is anybody else seeing it anyway? "

" anyone ever tell you you look like a beautiful cherub? "

" i'm using you for greater purposes. "

" is that one of those things we need to kill? "

" yeah, my rate's maybe two, maybe three hundred dollars for the appointment. "

" alright, i'm going to sit quietly. this is delicate work. "

" this isn't the BUTTHOLE kingdom now, is it?! IS IT?! "

" you mind breaking some shit? it's cool, it's fun for me to watch! it's like TV. "

" you know, i don't think this is how surgery works but i guess i'm not the expert here, now am i? "

" all of us will die for anything! "

" later suckas! i don't even have a doctorate! "

" i hate this shit. i hate this shit so much. shut the fuck up. i'm gonna kill you. "

" you've killed a man. you're getting good at this. "

" i'm gonna shoot this guy. "

" remember, you're my guardian, so his death is on your hands. "

" that was bad. that one sucks, that was real bad. "

" and i know you're staring, because look at me! "

" you're a fucking child, holy shit. "

" i just took a pill and it's making me feel awesome! "

" yeah that's my pee spot. don't worry about it. "

" welcome to my own competition! we're going to find out who can break their own spine the fastest! "

" one dollar! that's all you get! "

" yeah i fucking did it! i'm the king of battle! "

" your hair looks like my hair. we could be friends. "

" who the fuck keeps coming into my fucking house!? "

" you go out there and put him in the dirt! or i put YOU in the dirt! "

" your lips are pretty kissable. "

" yeah! yeah! kill that twink! "

" i'll have to take you out in the arena. "

" don't fucking walk away while i fucking talk to you, okay?! you gotta fucking listen to me! "

" i don't know what he was going to say. he just died. "

" listen, i tried to make a fucking apology, okay?! "

" that sort of stuff doesn't usually happen to a boy like me. "

" well sir, i think rules are meant to be broken. "

" oh i'm never letting you drive the car ever again! "

" oh, that's a lovely name for such a little freak! "

" i'll be right back. with my ammo. "

" okay, really quick. this is off topic. what is your name?! you haven't told me. i'm sick of calling you 'the kid' . "

" welcome to my tea party, i always do this before we kill them all. "

" if you mention the french in front of me again i'm going to have a conniption fit. "

" they look cringe as fuck. kill them. "

" i don't think about much, normally. i'm more of a 'talk out loud' kind of guy... but you know, just this once... i'll have a thought. "

" can you stop crashing out for one fucking second?! "

" finally, another fight worthy my talent. "

" i dunno fellas. i think you missed out by not rolling around in that thing's viscera. "

" technically, this is now self defense so whatever happens next is not my fault. "

" oh no. wait. this is actually horrible. "