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For my 16th birthday party I invited about 27 people. Over 30 people came and it was crazy. There were people in my backyard, front yard, in the house, on the porch... it was insane. I was so happy. I thought "wow for the first time in my life I'm popular. People like me!" But looking back on it I realized something. They all had their groups. They were all having a great time and I wasn't really a part of any of the groups. I went around from group to group and hung out with everybody all night but those people weren't my friends. They were acquaintances and people that came for free food, soda, and to have a good time with their friends. It was never about me. Sure I had true friends there. My main group of friends were there and I had a great time. But I don't talk to anybody that came to that party anymore. Only a select few of those people invited me to any of their parties. I wasn't important to them. They never thought twice about me after that night. Honestly I think if my birthday wasn't in the middle of summer nobody would have come. They all saw it s an opportunity to hang out with people from school while on break. I was so happy for a while thinking that things were changing and thinking that people really liked me. When we got back to school very few people even glanced my way. I was back to being just another person. Looking back on it I feel hurt and used. I wish I would have just had a small party with the people that mattered most to me. I literally talk to 2 people from my high school now. And those 2 people were never invited to my 16th birthday party,Â
It's so easy to want to matter. It's so easy to want to be loved. It seems so important to be noticed. It seems like it's the only thing that matters. But at some point you have to realize that being somebody means nothing if that somebody is somebody other than yourself.
If I could live my life over again, I wouldn't have had a 16th birthday party. I would have had a few close friends over and ordered a pizza and watched movies with my close friends and family. High school only matters when you're in high school. Don't take it so seriously. Of course work hard for your grades because those do matter. But the social aspect of high school is bullshit. Focus on finding lout who you want to be and work towards becoming that person. Not what everybody else wants you to be.
I know this is really long and I'm sorry, I was going to do a read more but I wanted to make sure you all saw this. I know that not everybody opens read mores and I figured this is important.Â
I'm a 22 year old who started cutting at 15. I'm usually pretty good at not doing it often, but lately I've longed for it again. I did it last night. And I know I'm gonna do it again. I wish you could tell me it was okay to do it.
Oh my God.. Iâm really so proud of you for reaching out to me. Thatâs huge. Really.
Sweetheart, I wish I could say that itâs okay but itâs not. Are you 100% sure you are going to do it again tonight? If there is NOTHING I can do to stop you tonight then there is something I want you to read. Iâm going to post a couple of links when Iâm done here, okay? PLEASE just take a look.
There are always other things you can do instead of hurting yourself. I can understand what youâre feeling. I have felt that way, too. What I learned - recovery isnât forever. But it will always be an option.Â
Believe it or not relapse is a part of recovery.
It is okay that you have relapsed.Â
It is not okay to disrespect and hurt your body due to an emotional / mental urge.
Youâll be okay, love. You just need a little help. Iâm here if you need me. Here are the links:
How to Take Care of Yourself
25 Coping Skills - Rather Than Self Harm
Relapse
Listen to This When Youâre Upset - You Are Loved (Set It Off)
BELIEVE
Who to Talk to If You are In Danger
How to Tell If Your Cut Has Turned Into An Infection
My Personal Recovery Playlist
I kinda wish I was tracking who I sent messages to because I want to see their responses but then I remembered... it's not about the reactions or the recognition. It's about making someone feel okay, even if just for a minute.
WORD OF ADVICE / GENERAL PSA
DON'T AVOID TAKING YOUR MEDS FOR 2 WEEKS AND THEN JUMP RIGHT BACK IN. I'M SO ILL RIGHT NOW.

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This song always makes me feel better :)
I heard them perform it live and I cried... A LOT.
my mom and dad broke up when I was 7, but now he has cancer and even though he used to be my hero I don't really know if I want him to be in my life anymore and I feel like I will fall even farther if I let him go (because he has CANCER) and if I keep him in my life then I am hurting myself because he doesn't ever keep promises and he forgets stuff etc. any help? sorry its sorta a rant but I just don't really know who to tell this stuff to
Iâm so sorry to hear that your dad has cancer. Thatâs always rough. The best advice I can possibly give is to keep your dad in your life. It will be HARD, I know. But I promise you, if you keep him out, and something happens to him⌠youâll regret it. I say donât let him get too close. Donât allow him to make promises that you know he wonât keep and just remember that there is always that possibility of him hurting you. But you just have to live with it, you donât want to push him away only to not have the chance to make amends later in life. You wonât be able to regret talking to your dad the last part of his life, but you might regret cutting off ties.Â
Just do what is best for you. Remember that your mental health is the most important thing. Continue to talk to him but don;t give him the opportunity to let you down.
Stay Strong ⼠I hope things get better for you and your family.
:'(. I saw your post about being able to talk to you. I don't know this is a long shot here but if anybody knew half the things I do they wouldn't feel the same about me. I screw up so many times. I'm supposed to be this perfect person but I'm not. I'm no where near it and it kills me. Stupid I know but ugh. ;'(. Okay I'm sorry I'm stop now.
you can ALWAYS talk to me. I understand how you feel when you say that if anybody knew what you did they wouldnât feel the same way about you. Itâs difficult. Everybody screws up. Donât be so hard on yourself! You should be worried if you werenât making mistakes, okay? Itâs part of life; itâs how we learn! Nobody is perfect. If you donât feel perfect, then you are definitely doing something right. Trust me. I know that this all sounds so stupid and itâs been said 100 times before but I really believe that you can get through this. Smile. Youâre worth it, okay? You are meant to be here, and NOBODY can take that away from you. Find it in yourself to say âthey were wrong about meâ. The only person that matters, is you. Donât worry about everybody else. Youâre so much better than that. I promise. Keep your head up, alright? Smile ⼠Stay Strong âĽ
And you can always talk to me. No matter what. :)