Sometimes I have moments of love for my sister (F 4), but ultimately I wish she had been aborted. I hate her and I hater the noises she makes and I hate her weak bones that I could so so easily break but I won't becouse thats illegal and wrong but I hope she remembers every time I say I hate her and how annoying she is just for the plot and so she knows how much of a burden she is. Back to everything I hate. I hate the financial strain she puts on us and how depressed my mother has become ever since she was born. Her father (who i previously mentioned was on another continent) does absolutely jackshit. Even while in tunisia (i dont fully identify myself with them even if I have tanned skin colour) he has changed 0 diapers (ive changed like a hundred or more in the past 4 years), has looked after her for about 4 days in the total of about 6 to 14 vacations there (ranging from 2 weeks to 2 months) while i look after her for 4 to 6 days a month or more. And it might not sound like alot, but its much much more compared to 4 days in the 4 years my little sister has lived. And I would say he has good reason, but he doesnt. He's a jobless leech who doesnt even want to change diapers! He's unemployed for God's sake!!!. Back to my sister becouse i will not take attention away from her in favor of a man, she is extremely loud, will probably mentally aged back in the future, and probably have some sort of mental illness from the trauma I give her. I'm probably an abuser, but I dont really care. Nothing morally can make me feel guilty about it. Even now, shes annoying as fuck and every time I touch her hand or arm and notice how weak her bones are I just want to break them, hear them snap and listen to her cries of pain as I choke after I break every singular bone in her body. But of course I wont becouse thats illegal.
Ive told people I hate my sister and they keep saying "thats just how siblings are!" But I dont think other older sisters have such violent fantasies about their little sister.
Now, to add to it, teached her about 45% of her vocabulary, 15% from my mom, 30% YouTube, and the rest was kindergarten. Her first words where the first 3 letters of my name and I know she loves me dearly. But I just can't love her back. Now to add to it, she loves me more than my mother, and definitely more than her fucking father. Perhaps I am even her father figure in her mind
