#shylittleone

Today I had a memory...I felt the emotions bubble up inside me but I composed myself. I was okay, smiling even, but then it just...hit me... my heart was sinking...my smile falling with it. I was scared, more of how it snuck up on me than of my anxiety of things getting worse..I was scared because my mask almost broke in front of coworkers. I felt my eyes searching, screaming out for them to notice, ..to hear my silent cries for..a hug..anything. But the crazy part is at the same time I didn't want them to see. I didn't want them to worry. It's hard to explain that feeling.. it's as if you're being tugged in opposite directions simultaneously and all you can really focus on is your shallow breaths and that pounding inside your chest...Today I remembered that 5 years ago wasn't a dream.