#shrinkers

Arrows, arrows are a very useful part of society. Without them signs would just say “free pizza this way,” or “if you walk this way there is a 100% chance of you getting stabbed twenty-three times in the face,” with zero indication of which direction the thing the sign is describing is happening. Arrows are also useful if you are putting on a period piece about Medieval warfare or if you are an Olympic archer. What arrows are not generally useful for… is crime fighting. The trend of archer crime fighters began in 1456 CE with Frederyk (last name unknown let’s just say it’s) Arrowpants who used a bow and arrow to fight crime because guns had not yet come to his village (by the time the traveling firearms circus arrived he had already gotten really good with a bow and he didn’t want all that training to go to waste). Arrowpants made a (first) name for himself by fighting corrupt rich people and then, since he was always on the run, he’d leave the money he stole with poor families in the town for safekeeping. Arrowpants went on to inspire the myth of Robin Hood which is why we have all these nonsense costumed crime fighters running around with a bow and like eleven arrows max. 

One of the major reasons why archers are generally ineffective in a super-battle is that they have very limited ammo. They have as much arrow ammo as they can fit in their quiver and their quiver can only be so big before it becomes unwieldy and cumbersome in a fight. To combat this I suggest keep caches of extra arrows hidden in secret places around your city. These caches should be stashed in out of the way places away from major thoroughfares and communal spaces. This way you can shift your super-fight to one of these locations without needlessly endangering civilian life. Also, you don’t want somebody to accidentally stumble upon your arrows and stab one of their eyes out. If you’re fighting somewhere where you don’t have arrows stashed, like in a different city or in space or on a floating country, then you better keep careful track of where you arrows are going so you can collect them later.

You’d also do well to have different kinds of specialized arrows. Having specialty arrows can set you apart from the rest of the archer pack quiver and go a long way towards making yourself desirable to superhero teams. Here are a few good examples of specialty arrows you should look into either purchasing or developing:

Electric-Zapping Arrows: You can give both your enemies and your teammates quite a shock when you pull these out and become an effective fighter.

Exploding Arrows: These pointy tipped arrows are literally the bomb. In the right hands they can be even more useful than conventional explosives because they can be launched far and can embed themselves in walls or vehicles or chests.

Flash-Bang Arrows: These arrows are useful for disorienting enemies, plus they give you an excuse to wear your cool sunglasses and designer headphones into battle. You’ll be the flyest guy in the fight (not counting the guys who can fly).

Sticky Arrows: Stop bad guys dead in their tracks with these bubble-gum/glue/cement filled arrows.

Hacking Arrows: For the tech-savvy archer, these arrows can embed themselves in different machines and provide you or someone else with remote access to the data stored within.

Grapple-Arrows: These arrows are attached to grapple lines that the archer can then use (in tandem with their bow) to zip across buildings or just off-screen for a hasty escape. These things are 100% more useful than grappling hooks because they don’t need to hook onto anything, they just need to be strong enough to pierce whatever you’re shooting.

Magic-Arrows: Arrows that you can control with magic through your mind, speech or whistling can be useful to take out several foes at once. If you have one of these you don’t really need anything else. You don’t even technically need a bow. This shouldn’t even really be a part of this list!

Boxing-Glove Arrows: Useful if you want to punch someone whose really far away.

Buzzsaw-Arrow: Useful if you want to frikkin murder someone. Or if you’re trapped in a hedge-labyrinth filled with villains and monsters and you want a quick escape.

Cryo-Arrows: Similar to Stick Arrows, these arrows contain capsules of cryo-gas that can freeze people or objects. 

Fire-Arrows: These are just regular arrows that you set on fire before launching. Just make sure to fire launch them quickly. Can be used like a flare-gun.

Messenger Arrows: These arrows contain recorded messages (or have paper letters tied to them). Only useful if you can shoot insanely long distances with extreme accuracy. Or if you need to get a message to your buddy across a crowded battlefield.

Bug Arrows: These arrows are full of, you guessed it, bugs! It’s literally never not useful!

Bola-Arrows: These arrows produce tough ropes attached to metal balls that can tie your enemies to conveniently located support beams or telephone poles.

Helium Arrows: When these arrows are shot on a battle field they burst open unleashing high amounts of helium into the air. This will cause everybody in the fight’s voices to get all high and squeaky. Hilarious.

Blunted-Arrows: These arrows are good if you don’t want to murder anybody but still want to be able to aim for the chest and head.

Glow-in-the-Dark Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in a rave or a cave.

Theme Song Arrow: Record your theme song onto this arrow and then launch it into battle ahead of you for a sick entrance.

Seed Pellet Arrows: These arrows are packed with seeds to make gardening way cooler. Lets you plant in hard to reach places.

Net-Arrow: These arrows produce large unbreakable nets to easily incapacitate your enemies. They also come in electric and barbed varieties, ask your local arrow supplier.

Oxygen Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in space or underwater. Just fire one of these babies and oxygen will be dispersed all around. [Note: These are not useful please invest in actual space and/or scuba gear.]

Condiment Arrows: These arrows are very useful if you’re making a sandwich, hosting a superhero cookout which I’m sure has got to be a thing, or fighting PB&Slay the giant evil sandwich.

Ridable Arrows: These arrows are useful for team-ups with shrinkers. They have a tiny cockpit and a steering mechanism so the shrinker can ride in it and control its trajectory once launched.

Sonic Arrows: These arrows can emit a high pitched noise to give villains migraines or to accidentally give up your location while sneaking around somewhere you’re not supposed to be.

Boomerang Arrow: These arrows negate the whole “scrounging around a battlefield to retrieve your only arrows” problem since they come right back to you!

Fire-Retardant Foam Arrows: These arrows can unleash fire-retardant foam, a foam that retards fires! Use it to make all the firemen in your town jealous and all the arsonists angry.

Knockout-Arrows: These arrows can knock a fool out if you hit them in the head hard enough.

Knockout-Gas-Arrows: These arrows produce a gas that renders whoever inhales it unconscious. Make sure you’ve got a gas mask handy.

Magnetic Arrows: Use these arrows to climb up metal walls that can’t be pierced by your regular arrows. 

Tracking Arrows: These arrows contain tracking devices so you can monitor their location or use them to track fleeing villains. 

Suction Cup Arrows: These practice arrows can be used in training sessions or for young archers who can’t yet handle diamond tipped arrows or flesh-eating arrows.

Pronged Arrows: These arrows are forked so you can pin a person’s limbs to a wall without all that pesky blood getting everywhere. Or if you wanna stab two people at once!

Wooden Arrows: To fight vampires.

Silver Arrows: To fight werewolves.

Gold Arrows: Cuz You’re all about that bling.

Harpoon Arrows: To fight whales.

Tranq-Arrows: Yet another kind of arrow to knock out bad guys.

Smoke-Arrows: These arrows create a smokescreen for quick getaways.

Lightning Arrow: Harness the power of Zeus with this actual lightning bolt that you stole and then tried to shoot at someone with a bow!

Pen Arrows: The tips of these unique arrows are actually just fully functioning ball-point pens. They’re not much use in battle unless you’re fighting one of the evil Octomen and want to give them a taste of their own ink-shooting medicine.

Spare Change Arrows: This arrow can be shot at parking meters to trick them into thinking they’ve been paid. Plus they’re reusable! Never pay for parking again! Or pay other people’s meters, like a true hero.

Acid Arrows: Corrode your way out of any death trap or office meeting!

EMP Arrows: Villains using too much of that new-fangled technological stuff? Not anymore! 

Multi-Arrows: This arrow separates into three different arrows when fired! So you gotta aim three times as well. 

Nuke-Arrows: Honestly I’m not sure how useful these things are, chances are you’re not going to be able to fire it far enough for you to not be caught in the blastzone and also superheroes should not be nuking anyone. But I guess it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. 

Oil Slick Arrows: Sometimes known as the Banana-Peel Arrow, these arrows can make villains fall on their butts in a frankly hilarious manner.

Magic-Piercing Arrows: These arrows can pierce magic. It’s all in the name. It’s right there.

Safe-Cracking Arrows: These are arrows eliminate the need for you to ever befriend any thieves. And they don’t even steal your wallets while talking to you!

Parachute Arrows: For when you’re falling from an extraordinary height (let’s say your arrow-jet is exploding or you tripped and fell out of a space station.)

Umbrella Arrows: For when you’re falling out of an exploding aircraft and you used up all your parachute arrows last week.

Recording Arrows: Shoot these into a villains lair and, if he somehow doesn’t notice an arrow embedded in his wall, you can learn lots of juicy bad guy gossip.

Skeleton Key Arrows: Use these to pick any lock or just shoot a bad guy’s face with one, I’m sure it’ll still hurt.

Glass Arrow: This one isn’t really so much of a weapon. It’s actually an award you got from the Archer’s Society of America but hey, if some bad guy breaks into your hideout and this is the closest arrow to you I’m sure it can still be used as an effective distraction if nothing else.

Recyclable Arrows: To fight climate change.

Converting-Arrow: This arrow is actually a small shape-changing robot named Flint Head and he is very eager to be launched at bad guy. He’s such an adorable little go-getter!

Time-Warp Arrows: These arrows can be shot back in time if you really wanna kill a dinosaur or shatter the time stream.

Valentines Arrows: These romantic projectiles have arrowheads shaped like hearts for when you have a kind of love/hate thing going on with your nemesis.

A Plunger: Just a regular plunger. Always keep one in your quiver just in case.

Infecto-Arrow: This arrow carries a deadly pathogen that you can use to infect enemies that you want to extract information from.

Antidote Arrow: This arrow holds the cure to the deadly pathogen you’ve weaponized. Use it to save your enemy after getting the information you need.

Take your night time medicines and brush your teeth if you have not yet. Don’t forget to give your stuffies a goodnight kiss and tuck yourselves warmly into bed. Sleep is very important for little darlings like my angels.